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Post Partum Momma's check in - Page 8

post #141 of 147
I am feeling seriously burned out at the moment.

Brenan is up every 1.5-2 hours at night, every night, nursing like a fiend. We are still battling the yeasty beasties. Gentian violet seems to have helped his mouth, but now his bum is overrun with it. He is a very unhappy baby most of the time, I think due to the yeast. He sleeps for 4 hours straight sometimes during the day, and I would love to nap when he does so, but with the other kids it's impossible.

My special need four year old is in the process of yet ANOTHER med change and has been just impossible to deal with lately (not just since B's birth). He is driving everyone in the house crazy. The other night he and my nine year old son got into a huge brawl while I was busy changing a diaper and consoling a screaming baby...pictures were knocked off the wall in the next room and they both had scrapes, bruises and there was even a bloody nose. I don't know what to do about the two of them, I would love if they didn't have to share a room, but this house is so tiny there is seriously no where else to put anyone.

I thought I had one last check coming from work, and that one check was going to help see us through my maternity leave, but I figured it out all wrong and I don't have a check coming at all. So now I'm trying to not panic about how everything is going to get paid for the next 10 weeks.

We had a blizzard here yesterday, so of course it's freezing cold and tons more snow. My dad tries to shovel when he can, but mostly it's been my 9 year old trying to shovel it all alone after school and he's a little guy and it just kicks his butt so I go out and finish and it kinda freaks me out because every time I do I start gushy bleeding all over again (sorry tmi) .

My incision still hurts, especially on the right it is such severe sharp pain that I have wondered on occasion if they accidently left something in there. I'm sure not, but it is that sharp.

I'm really sick of nursing, which is normal for me at this point, it will get better and I will be glad I persisted in a few months. I'm already kinda tired of cloth diapering, although if the darn yeast issue would clear up I might feel better about the whole thing. Tired of trying to go about life as usual with Brenan in the sling (how DO you lean over to bathe your older kids with a baby on your front or reach all the way into the bottom of the washer to retrieve those baby socks?) Already sick of being broke, sick of being stressed, and sick to death of the freezing cold and snow.

I am tired, sore, lonely as hell and really, really miss my mom.
post #142 of 147
Sleepyheaded_mama, I'm so sorry it's so hard for you. You've had a really rough time of it this whole time.

I am doing better. I LOVE being a second-time mom and being able to tell Dr. Sears to stuff it up his a$$ (even if only in my dreams) and I also love having BOTH prefolds and fitteds to diaper with. Gotta love the 21st century.
post #143 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by Juliacat View Post
and being able to tell Dr. Sears to stuff it up his a$$
Which Dr. Sears??

I have laid my precious baby down twice in his crib today, so I could run circles around this place trying to make it look habitable again. Although, even with the baby monitor I fret constantly that my poor little one is going to be snatched by the evil SIDS faeries when I'm not looking. I might have a bit of an anxiety problem there... . Nonetheless, I miraculously got the 4 year old to take a nap! God must have seen that I need a break, lol. So the living room looks like a living room, at least. And there is a load in the laundry that is NOT diapers for a change. So there's that. I should take a shower...that might help my blahs.

I think I'll survive this, it's just those bleak, black moments that I feel like I've been swallowed whole and will never get out.

Interestingly, Brenan's donor or whatever you want to call him, ex-DP, whatever, emailed me from the UK when he found out (not thru me) that Brenan was born and told me he never stopped loving me and he wants "us" back. I don't think I was as receptive as he thought I would be, so I haven't heard from him since, but seriously - NOW you want me back?? Why?? I mean he's gotta expect there's going to be some tough questions he's going to have to answer, and I guess he either doesn't have answers, doesn't want to answer, or has changed his mind again. And it's been since that interaction that I've been feeling really bereft and alone. Jack@ss.
post #144 of 147
I got both kids to nap at the same time twice now. It's amazing.

My first child was colicky, never napped more than 20 mins until he was 7 months old, woke up every 45 mins at night... I was so nervous about having another newborn like him. Zion is on a loose schedule, naps 1-2 hours at a time, wakes up twice a night to eat, nurses efficiently, and though spits up a lot, rarely cries. So blessed.

I think I'm going to the gym this week. I'm 2.5 weeks postpartum and though still bleeding, I miss exercising.
post #145 of 147
Just joining the thread.

SleepyHeaded_mama. Oh, I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better for you! Once that thrush goes away and you get some sleep, things are going to be much better for you, I have a feeling.

My tiny baby girl has thrush in her mouth, though it has not been painful to me.

We are starting some preventive stuff this week, and I am hoping her case stays mild and clears up soon without a lot of medication/etc (We went through this with Ds#2 when he was a baby, too) crossing fingers!

As for me: I think my post baby high is finally wearing off. I am getting enough sleep, thankfully, but my mood is finally settling dooooowwnnn a bit. I have been taking some herbs (motherwort, valerian root, chamomile, passionflower), which have helped to balance the hormones and relieve the "down" feelings, I believe. I feel very fortunate that my bleeding is so low and that I am physically doing well, although frustrated that hardly any clothing fits--just sweat pants as this is the largest I have ever been at 175 lbs, and I am realizing I need a haircut! (I feel a January mini-makeover coming ; maybe a pair of pants and a few shirts and a trim for my hair)

I am lonely, too, it comes and goes. The hard part is when I do see people, it's depressing. Saw the pediatrician, had "the talk" (asked if she would still see us since we don't vax the kids); had a lukewarm response from her, which I am *trying* to be happy about (better than getting yelled at, right?), but just feeling like life isn't fair in that regard, my kids should have access to good quality, caring medical professionals when we need them, not get ditched by them the instant my kids have an illness *simply* b/c of our vaccine choices. Considering just forgetting the whole conventional medicine thing and going to chiros instead. sigh!

Then, the other chance to see ppl was helping a friend, which I felt good doing, but is not nurturing to me emotionally at this time; she is in the process of getting a divorce and I was able to watch her kids this week for a few hours while she met with a lawyer. I need a friend to look out for me!

I feel fortunate that my DH still has time off, but he is getting burned out taking care of the kids and house and not getting to do "fun" stuff like he wants (has to keep fixing things that are broken, which is good for our household; he didn't notice them when he was working his usual schedule) Although we enjoy watching shows and movies together while the baby sleeps, I feel like I need something else-- Maybe I'll take a walk up the street while the sun is shining with baby in the sling.

Trying to enjoy these moments which slip by so quickly, smelling her newborn smell, her petal-soft skin, her tiny cries and grunts and whimpers, the way her eyes open so wide as she nurses, all those cute things I'll miss when she is a few months old.
post #146 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by greenthumb3 View Post
I feel fortunate that my DH still has time off, but he is getting burned out taking care of the kids and house and not getting to do "fun" stuff like he wants (has to keep fixing things that are broken, which is good for our household; he didn't notice them when he was working his usual schedule) Although we enjoy watching shows and movies together while the baby sleeps, I feel like I need something else-- Maybe I'll take a walk up the street while the sun is shining with baby in the sling.

Trying to enjoy these moments which slip by so quickly, smelling her newborn smell, her petal-soft skin, her tiny cries and grunts and whimpers, the way her eyes open so wide as she nurses, all those cute things I'll miss when she is a few months old.
I totally get this. DH hasn't been off work but I think he feels very discouraged when I feel down.

I really don't want this time to fly by but I want to get iver the "hump" of the newborn problems: breastfeeding, bleeding, fatigue, etc.
post #147 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sleepyheaded_Mama View Post
Which Dr. Sears??
The one who wrote The Baby Book, which I read until it literally fell to pieces, then threw in the trash and didn't replace.

I'm glad things are looking up for you. Sounds like XP is even worse than Dr. Sears, ha.
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