"you need to say you're sorry!" - Page 2

[Oliver'sMom]

Originally Posted by Mizelenius

I completely agree. Naming a child is only going to make people uncomfortable, even if they agree with you. Just sound proactive about your own son instead of reactive, you know? It's better to say too little than too much. You can't take back what you say . . .

I unsderstand this completely, but I also feel like I would be lying in a sense by saying this. The only social situation he can't handle is getting beamed in the face by this one particular child. I wouldn't expect anyone to be able to handle that.

I already emailed the mother telling her that I felt our children weren't getting along, and that my son is having a lot of anxiety about meeting with her son, then has complete meltdowns after their encounters. I also said that I could see that my son was upsetting her son as well, so we were going to just skip the playgroup for awhile until we felt ready again. At this point, I don't really care anymore if I cause people to be uncomfortable. I think my kid has been through enough.

[Oliver'sMom]

Well, I guess the worst case scenario has happened. We've been booted from all social gatherings with our mutual friends. I knew there was a pretty good chance of this happening, but now that it has, I feel horrible. I was trying to protect ds from one kid, but now he can't see any of his close friends. They've all completely ignored our requests to get together individually at our house. I suck

[windorabug]

I'm sorry - you don't suck - they suck

My dd & I have had several similar experiences where we have just checked out for a while with whomever was being mean. My dd is really gentle & gets the brunt of a lot of (mostly boys) aggression & it really does suck a lot to have your kid be in that situation. And to be totally honest who gives a frick what anyone else thinks about your decision to protect your child. Your boy is all that matters.
You could always come play with us!

[Mizelenius]

I read some quote that said something along the lines of . . .if someone stops talking to you, it hurts at first, but ultimately that person is doing you a favor.

It's true. I find that some relationships are just so demanding and frankly, I just physically don't have the energy to fight for one that "costs" me more than it gives anymore. While my social circle has decreased a lot since the days when I invested more, I feel like the friends I have now are just so low-maintenance, loving, and kind that it has worked out.

:yawning I'm tired just thinking about it. Doesn't help that I got less than 4 hours of sleep last night, either, haha!

[intentionalmama]

I just wanted to write in and say that I really admire you; and that I know this situation sucks. You stood up for your child; when no one else was.

I was in a group once where my kid was being hurt; and I didn't have the guts to be honest with them. Instead I just said, we (my ds who was around 2 12 at the time and I ) were going to take a break from the group for a couple of weeks. People were really upset and very hurt and it caused us all a lot of stress. I think if I had been honest; it would have still hurt; but I think it would have been a much better thing to do. When people can be direct - others at least know where they stand - and they are easier to trust.

I am sorry that your friends don't want you around. But, maybe better to find out now. You want to have friends that care about you and your son. Ones that you can be honest with and that you can grow together with through the struggles you will have with your children.

It sounds like they are immature and taking this as some sort of affront to their group; they sound like they are unable or unwilling to understand that you still care about them and want them in your life; but need to put your child's welfare first.

You will find other friends who will care about you and your child. Remember you wrote I feel like I'm looked down upon by calling the mother out and saying "your child just slapped my child in the face repeatedly." It's almost like they expect me to act like nothing happened and to just let my kid get hurt.

If you really want these people in your life - I truly hope that in time things will work out for all of you. But, this immature ostracizing may be a blessing in disguise.

Again way to go for putting your child first. I think you are a wonderful mother.

Originally Posted by Oliver'sMom

I unsderstand this completely, but I also feel like I would be lying in a sense by saying this. The only social situation he can't handle is getting beamed in the face by this one particular child. I wouldn't expect anyone to be able to handle that.

I already emailed the mother telling her that I felt our children weren't getting along, and that my son is having a lot of anxiety about meeting with her son, then has complete meltdowns after their encounters. I also said that I could see that my son was upsetting her son as well, so we were going to just skip the playgroup for awhile until we felt ready again. At this point, I don't really care anymore if I cause people to be uncomfortable. I think my kid has been through enough.

[lindsayjean]

oh no- that's rough!! I have the aggressive 2.5 yr old right now and I don't force her to apologize but i do watch her like a hawk when she is around other kids that are her age or younger (she never targets older kids) and try to intervene BEFORE she hurts someone and I always make sure she sees how upset she made the other kid (it's hard because there is one little girl who NEVER cries when DD pushes her so DD doesn't think she really hurt her, I'm glad she didn't hurt her but i want her to see cause/effect!) and walk through the whole why it's not nice to push, what we should do instead, etc. I can't imagine if this kid is THAT aggressive the mom not being on him constantly. I am guessing this is not an AP group? I find that when I go to my AP group playgroups things are soooo much less stressful on me because I am not looked down upon for not forcing an apology and throwing her in a time out.

Anyway, I'm rambling. Parenting is such a hard subject. People get sooooo defensive (myself included) when their parenting comes under fire.

[enigo]

You know, My son has a friend whom we have been playing with for about 2 years. This friend's kid has been the most mellow little dude you ever saw. The boys got along great! Over the summer we started picking them up every day during the week and would go to the park, beach, waterpark, or whatever.
At some point over the summer he started biting my son. In most cases it was over a toy. The first time it happened I was appalled, but I could see that emotions were high over the toy and gave him the benefit of the doubt.
He didn't do it again for a couple weeks. The next thing I knew it was nearly every time we hung out! Badly too, on the face on his back, arm whatever he could get the fastest. The reason I kept going back is my son loved this kid! He would ask to go pick him up and I would think, Oh maybe I can just watch him better.
Long story short I finally just quit going to get them, my son was being bitten every day. (What the hell kind of mom would I be?)
After a couple months we tried again. He didn't bite. In fact he hasn't bitten my son since. Now the last two times we have tried to hang out he attacks my son screaming. Yesterday was a nightmare. He was like a crazed monkey. We were able to break it up before he got any good hits in, but he was screaming and running at my son Lemme say my son is double the size of this kid. I don't want my son to start being violent, but I swear I wish he'd just knock him down once.

We're done. I have tried everything since his mother and I are good friends and the boys had been. My son wanted to go get him every day, now we'll be lying in bed at night and my son says. "I don't wanna go get Joey, Mom".