I can see what you are saying. But I could never tell my parents or il's that a gift they picked out was not something I would let my kids have it would hurt them to much. I would accept the gift then in the future it would be in the donated toys pile.
They already know what the rules are I don't allow toy guns, I don't allow Bratz, I don't allow insane crap (like light up singing benches ) they haven't ever left the boundaries of what I consider reasonable. We do have a couple light up toys but not what I consider an excess.
And with my sisters we'll just get even with each other so we tend to make an effort with nieces and nephews.
There is a workshop going on for Toys and Family Values