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Do I just get over it? - Page 2

post #21 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCatLvrMom2A&X View Post
I can see what you are saying. But I could never tell my parents or il's that a gift they picked out was not something I would let my kids have it would hurt them to much. I would accept the gift then in the future it would be in the donated toys pile.
I would.


They already know what the rules are I don't allow toy guns, I don't allow Bratz, I don't allow insane crap (like light up singing benches ) they haven't ever left the boundaries of what I consider reasonable. We do have a couple light up toys but not what I consider an excess.

And with my sisters we'll just get even with each other so we tend to make an effort with nieces and nephews.

There is a workshop going on for Toys and Family Values

http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1137549

post #22 of 89
I think it's weird when people specifically ASK for a list and then do not follow it. And I dont mean like your list said a stuffed dog & they bought something vastly different like a book, but like it said stuffed dog and they bought a wooden one. That is too much work, give me a list!!

I am definitely picky about plastic toys, toys made in China, etc. If the plastic bench got bad reviews, it is easy to approach it as a, "Mom, dont waste your money, the reviews said it sucked. I would hate to see it cost so much and break in a month. It does look cool, too bad it is not made better."

I do think it is a balance of giving the gift-giver freedom and you not having to allow certain things in your house. If you do not like electronic toys (I dont, so we have only two, one being a keyboard), say that. Explain that although they look cool, they limit a child's imagination and the noise would drive you nuts. The main thing, to me, in your situation, is that your mother asked for a list and then sent you a picture, pretty much asking if that toy was okay. That is way different than if she just showed up w/ it. Since she is asking if the toy is okay, you can say no.
post #23 of 89
i have had this same problem with my mother a few times.
now that she knows i am serious when i say any toys that contain batteries go to the womens shelter she buys what i like, or includes a gift reciept!

i would just kindly tell her your view on plastic and how plastic toys go off to live a wonderful life with a new family that will allow them in their home.
if she still ignores you then she cant really get upset next visit when they are gone.

maybe point her to a specific toy brand but not a specific toy since it seems like she really wants to pick the gifts herself.
post #24 of 89
And I don't think it is a matter of "It must be wooden fashioned by magical gnomes with red beards in a purple forest at twilight!!!one11"

There are toy that promote imaginative play, are more sustainable and better made. It is ok to want LESS and have it be a bit nicer than a bunch of junk that costs the same amount anyways.

I certainly don't want to spend a lot of time picking up crap and I am sure a lot of other parents feel the same way.

It is ok to ask for things that might last a bit longer, it is ok to ask for things that match your values and it is ok to direct those that ASK towards those things.
post #25 of 89
Yeah. My mom got my DD a ton of light-up, noisy, unimaginative stuff for x-mas last year (she was like, 6 months old), and a set of videos for her one year birthday. I was polite, but she has since asked me what toys she plays the most with & if I have watched the videos, & I have not lied. But in a polite way
post #26 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by dogretro View Post
I think it's weird when people specifically ASK for a list and then do not follow it.
I do this for registries (weddings, birth ones) and feel like I'm being creative and putting more thought into it...

I always include a gift receipt.
post #27 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cascadian View Post
I do this for registries (weddings, birth ones) and feel like I'm being creative and putting more thought into it...

I always include a gift receipt.
I do not think it is a big deal at all if you are giving something different than what is on the list. For example, my grandmother had a wedding registry from someone and was going to buy their spice rack, but saw another one that SHE liked better and went to buy that one instead. My mom stopped her and said that was not the one they picked out, they obviously like the one on THEIR list better. Now, had my grandmother decided to buy them something that was totally not on the list, that is different. To buy a variation of what is on the list is too tricky, imo. Like if they wanted the rainforest bouncy seat but you bought them the rubber ducks one instead. It won't match the rest of their stuff, ykwim? Plus, you didn't ASK for a gift registry, they just gave you one. So, uhh, I don't think you are doing anything "wrong" if that is what you mean

I like to include gift receipts, too, even if I am buying from a list! You never know, sometimes things do not get marked off (dang technology!). Or it could be broken, not fit, etc.
post #28 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by dogretro View Post
If the plastic bench got bad reviews, it is easy to approach it as a, "Mom, dont waste your money, the reviews said it sucked. I would hate to see it cost so much and break in a month. It does look cool, too bad it is not made better."
This, for sure. Tactful, yet to the point.
post #29 of 89
I approach the list another way. My mom does the same thing, always asks for a list... so I give her a LIST of online stores that I wouldn't mind the kids getting things from. I don't care what she chooses off of there. So she gets to pick and choose, and it's always a HAPPY surprise whatever the kids get.
post #30 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaleanani View Post
I approach the list another way. My mom does the same thing, always asks for a list... so I give her a LIST of online stores that I wouldn't mind the kids getting things from. I don't care what she chooses off of there. So she gets to pick and choose, and it's always a HAPPY surprise whatever the kids get.
I think that is a great alternative.
post #31 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bug-a-Boo's Mama View Post
for better imaginative play and each piece doesn't do one thing (like the frickin Handy Manny tool bench! ).
You know what really sucks about Handy Manny?He's a rip-off of Bob the Builder (PBS) done by DISNEY and instead of building solar-powered houses, etc, like Bob does, Manny goes around fixing drive-through voice boxes how low can Disney sink?
post #32 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by BabyMae09 View Post
You know what really sucks about Handy Manny?He's a rip-off of Bob the Builder (PBS) done by DISNEY and instead of building solar-powered houses, etc, like Bob does, Manny goes around fixing drive-through voice boxes how low can Disney sink?
Not to go off on a totally separate Handy Manny thing here, but it's funny that outside the US when they do the dubbing he ends up teaching kids English not Spanish. I find that mildly amusing when my kids are watching. I actually prefer to have the playhouse disney channel on over here because it doesn't have commercials for anything but it's own shows.

Anyway, I think a lot of people use gift lists more as inspiration for what sorts of things the kids want and not as a strict wedding registry type list. Also people who are head over heels for kids often have a hard time holding back when they see something they think the kid might like. My mother can spend the morning on the phone with me worrying about the paint and plastics used in cheap toys. Then go to the post office and send off a box that will inevitably contain a half dozen small plastic dollar store quality toys with a lifespan of about 15 minutes. It hasn't stopped driving me crazy but I appreciate the thought and try not to say much about it, her mind is in the right place but her heart is driving her wallet.
post #33 of 89
Quote:
Definitions of gift on the Web:

* something acquired without compensation
* endow: give qualities or abilities to
* give: give as a present; make a gift of; "What will you give her for her birthday?"
* giving: the act of giving
When it gets right down to it, you're not arranging a a payment or some kind of transaction. This is a gift. You can suggest things but it gets down to the fact that your mom should be able to use her judgment and give what she feels would make her grandchild happy & what will make her happy to give. No matter what she gives you should say thank you and be gracious. Toys are far from permanent. I know, I've been dealing with them for the last 10 years LOL! But your relationship and your child's relationship with your mom is permanent. The toy will likely be broken and gone before you know it, let your mom feel the joy of giving to her grandchild minus stress and restrictions.
post #34 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by dogretro View Post
I do think it is a balance of giving the gift-giver freedom and you not having to allow certain things in your house. If you do not like electronic toys (I dont, so we have only two, one being a keyboard), say that.
I agree that it's a balance. You do have some say in what is allowed in your home. However, other people can buy GIFTS if they want. Gifts are gifts. They aren't things you are ordering.

I think that Lego are one of the best toys of all time. Because you don't want Lego in your house, I tend to think that you've gone completely overboard and lost sight of what's important. If you don't want your mom to buy open ended toys that your kids will love, play with for endless hours, and last for years, then you've gone too far.

Saying no guns, nothing overly noises, etc. is a different issue.
post #35 of 89
Eh, as long as it isn't dangerous, a duplicate, and can fit in your house nicely I wouldn't worry too much. When the cheap one breaks, replace it with a better one and when she asks, explain why. If she sees things breaking quickly she may start listening to your advice.

I've been furious over two gifts from my MIL - a 10 foot long "coaster" and a play kitchen when he already HAS a play kitchen - neither of which she asked if they could fit in our house - which she's never been to. Otherwise, I let it go.

BTW, we have the Home Depot work bench (was a gift) and it is kinda cool. He has two wooden ones, wooden tools, etc - he loves the H.D. one because they look and sound more like the real ones Daddy uses. And while flimsy when compared to the wood ones, it hasn't broke yet - in fact, you use the toy bolts to put it together so I'm guessing that as he gets older part of the play will be taking it apart and putting it back together with his tools.
post #36 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
Yup. I have a relative who always gives the kids stuff that makes me cringe. And, without exception, my kids love it. So, I just bite my tongue, say "thank you", and let the kids enjoy their gifts.
This has been my experience with annoying plastic toys as well. I was so dead-set on not having any plastic toys in my house, but that went out the window long ago. My kids either love them, or else I am able to quietly shift them out of the house to the thrift store a few months later. Either way, no big deal.
post #37 of 89
Get over it, but hope she gives you gift receipts.
post #38 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by abimommy View Post
I do think it is reasonable to have some say in what goes into your house. It isn't someone else's house, it is YOUR house and no, people can't just buy whatever for your kids and have it be ok.

.
I disagree. People CAN buy whatever they want. I don't have to keep it, however.
post #39 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by Munchkinmaker View Post
When it gets right down to it, you're not arranging a a payment or some kind of transaction. This is a gift. You can suggest things but it gets down to the fact that your mom should be able to use her judgment and give what she feels would make her grandchild happy & what will make her happy to give. No matter what she gives you should say thank you and be gracious. Toys are far from permanent. I know, I've been dealing with them for the last 10 years LOL! But your relationship and your child's relationship with your mom is permanent. The toy will likely be broken and gone before you know it, let your mom feel the joy of giving to her grandchild minus stress and restrictions.
I agree 100%. It's also a great opportunity to model graciousness.
post #40 of 89
I tend to agree that gift giving is up to the giver, barring obviously immoral or dangerous toys.

But, since you were specifically asked about the bench, then some feedback is ok I think. Say the idea is great, but you are a bit concerned about the bad toy reviews.

I also think lego is a great, classic toy.
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