Hiring a doula for a UC?

[thefreckledmama]

Is this an outlandish idea? My husband will be with me-he plans on catching; he is a wonderful husband and father, but labor support is not his strong suit. He is very much a "tell me what to do, and I'll do it" type of guy, but isn't good at doing what needs to be done without much direction. I don't want to be telling him what/how/where when it comes to every little thing I might need in labor, and I know him well enough to know that may very well be the case. Also, having 3 older children (one of which is a toddler), having a doula would provide someone there to be with me, if/when the girls need anything.

Does anyone have any experience with this? I'm wanting to hear any and all thoughts on the subject.

[jenners26]

Originally Posted by thefreckledmama

Is this an outlandish idea? My husband will be with me-he plans on catching; he is a wonderful husband and father, but labor support is not his strong suit. He is very much a "tell me what to do, and I'll do it" type of guy, but isn't good at doing what needs to be done without much direction. I don't want to be telling him what/how/where when it comes to every little thing I might need in labor, and I know him well enough to know that may very well be the case. Also, having 3 older children (one of which is a toddler), having a doula would provide someone there to be with me, if/when the girls need anything.

Does anyone have any experience with this? I'm wanting to hear any and all thoughts on the subject.

I did it and I'm so glad I did! I had a friend who had gone through doula training, and our birth was actually her first birth! I decided to hire her because, DH is AWESOME and super supportive, but he's only one person. And we were having our other kids present (a 6yo, a 2yo, and a 1yo) and I wanted to make sure there was a second person there to help him meet the kids' needs and meet mine at the same time.

She was tremendously helpful postpartum as well. If you don't want a doula, one thing you could do, is write up a detailed "birth plan" of sorts for DH. I did this, broken up by stages of labor, and things he could help me do, offer me, say to me, etc. that I thought would help. I can PM you a copy of it if you want to see it.

Our birthstory is on my blog too, if you want to see how it went with our doula. www.hippyshire.wordpress.com

[thefreckledmama]

What a great birth story! Thank you for sharing. I would love to see the birthplan you wrote out too. I figure the more time my husband and I spend talking about how to handle different situations in labor, the better things will be all around.

[Happiestever]

I just saw a thread in the birth professionals area where there were quite against helping a woman UC (for a variety of reasons, feeling liable, wanting to help if they saw a problem...). It kind of reiterated it for me that I am doing this by myself for a reason. And while it would be nice, I think having one of your friends who knows a little about birth would be a better idea. I thought about a doula to take pics and help with the kids, but then I was like "I don't need anyone here besides me and my baby"

People just get in my way LOL I'll take my own pictures.

[Banana731]

I think there are some BP's willing to help a woman UC, they just want to know what's going on, as opposed being "oopsed" and expected to be a maid to clean up your mess. Or only called in an awful emergency, which is unfair. If we want to UC, we should take responsibility enough to call an ambulance, not the midwife. But to call if you are unsure and need advice (that is non-emergent), or maybe if you need some stiches pp, etc, there are MW's who will help. As a doula, I think I would help a woman UC. I have a special place in my heart for it, as a UC mom. I don't perform procedures or tell people what they should do now, and it would be no different in a UC.

And as far a childcare goes, I would do that if that's what the laboring mom wants and needs. I think a person to take care of the kids is pretty essential if you don't want to spend a large part of your labor alone, so friends, a doula, someone, is good to have there specifically for that purpose. I also really like having women around when I labor, so I wanted some support besides my husband!

[thefreckledmama]

That's I'd want. Someone who was there for me, helping me to work through labor, and just being supportive-but backing off and giving me my space for the birth (and honestly not trying to intervene and lend advice). I figure my husband is there to deal with the kids and life in general while I'm laboring. I don't really have any other close support people that would likely be there, most were uncomfortable when I was talking about a HB with a MW. We were planning on keeping the fact we're doing UC under wraps until after the fact. I just think having someone present who's sole purpose was to calm and encourage me would be a huge benefit.

I can see how it might be a tricky arrangement. I suppose I should get in touch with local doulas and open a dialogue about it. Because even though I might find a few on MDC that would be willing to work with a UC mama, I may not find any available in my area who would be comfortable with such a situation.

[bobandjess99]

I might actually like this, but in my area, none of the doulas will do it.
They all cite concerns about liability, which I do understand on their parts, but I think it sucks.

[Hesperia]

If only you lived in Vancouver, BC!

I'd support your UC as your doula.

I might ask everyone involved to sign off on some sort of 'non-medical' support person/friend letter, but that is about it.

You'd think more doulas would. I mean husbands are non-medical support at UC's or friends, or caregivers for older children....

I guess when you toss the word 'professional' in there many worry about liability.

Shame really, most women need support in their births. UC isn't illegal, and neither is a doula helping a woman having her ideal birth.

Sigh.

[Rockies5]

it does suck and I don't agree with it. Most BP don't completely agree with, understand or have had UCs (or would plan them) themselves. Of course they cite "liability", who knows what the real reason is?

I'd search and offer a barter trade. No one wants to be seen as a paid professional or invited as a paid professional to a UC. it smacks of oddness to me. I don't want to ever be looked to for advice, there is a thin line between support as a caring friend and being construed as someone who knows more about birth then the birthing mom.

Even attending hospital births that idea freaks me out--when the nurses and drs leave a post op in my care while the run to grab a bite to eat. Or they thank me after they just worked their behinds off bringing their baby here. All I do it witness and rub backs with a reminder or two 'cause being in the hospital is weird and instincts do sometimes get lost in protocol and routines and cords and tubes, you know

just interview well, there are doulas out there (same with mws, CPMs OBs etc) that believe they DO know more or "better" then the birthing mom. while they may sometimes see a bigger picture and can guide if needed, they don't know more or better.


I love UCs but it takes the right fit.

[Hesperia]

I'm just going to delete what I said....

ahem.

I still would, yes. But don't feel like arguing and getting into a deep convo about liability.

[basje]

My 2-cents. Having a doula is the only option that I have to have someone that I can depend on while I labor in my upcomming UC. As a single lady without the use of a doula I will have no choice but to labor alone. Although being by myself has some appealing aspects, for my first pregnancy I think it would be nice to have someone around to grab me a glass of water if I wanted one or help me fill up the birthing pool. Other than it being super intense I don't know how I will experince labor. So yeah, doula + UC is a big one for me. But maybe my need is greater than some other women who have partners or family that they could use for support if they wanted it.

That said it has been very difficult to find doulas who are willing to attend my planned UC birth. Finding a support person who also have faith in my ability to labor well and make responsible choices for my own health and my baby hasn't been easy and I'm still looking. I'm sure she's out there somewhere!

[sweet.p]

It's unfair for a women who does not want a midwife to complain when doulas don't want to be at your birth. Hire a midwifes to provide labor support if you want someone supportive there, why look to hire a doula? Many hbmidwives do sit in the background if that is what you want from them.

The doula carries all the liability in the situation and the birthing women does not. If you want a UC have one, invite a friend. But when you're hiring a doula, if something was to happen the doula could be charged with practicing medicine or midwifery without a licence.

Having her sign a document does not release her from the states laws and that is what matters.

[sweet.p]

Originally Posted by basje

That said it has been very difficult to find doulas who are willing to attend my planned UC birth. Finding a support person who also have faith in my ability to labor well and make responsible choices for my own health and my baby hasn't been easy and I'm still looking. I'm sure she's out there somewhere!

It has nothing aobut having faith in your ability to birth normally. IF you want a uc have one. It's more about you feeling the need to have and hire a support person, then maybe you want to examine hiring a midwife, she could be the appropriate person for you to have not a hired doula.

Midwifes are trained to be your labor support.

[Happiestever]

IME midwives and doulas do very different things. So saying she should hire a mw is like saying she shouldn't UC at all. I think the OP should keep looking into hiring a doula if that is what she thinks is best. It may take a while, but they are out there.

When I was having trouble finding a BP to help me out (took my ins, would see me even though I was considered late care....) I took it all as a sign that it just wasn't meant to be.

[ann_of_loxley]

Sounds exactly like my DH and my situation as well - which is why I am having a wonderful friend as a labour/birth support partner!

If a doula could do that for you - why not!!! That could work out wonderfully! Just make sure shes comfortable with the idea of you going unassisted! hehe (obviously lol)

[ScarletBegonias]

Originally Posted by sweet.p

Midwifes are trained to be your labor support.

ime, even hb mw's do not provide actual *labor support*. they are your medical support person. most mw's i know will just sit in the corner or the other room while mama labors, checking her every so often. they are no necessarily providing the labor support a partner or doula does.

that said, just keep putting feelers out.

i am a student midwife and doula and i have had 1 hb and 1 uc. i advertise on my website as a uc doula. i feel comfortable in this role. the last uc i attended was in trade. i refused to accept money, and the family bought me a beautiful oak birth stool and baby scale.

i personally feel that the most important "thing" any person can do at a birth is to be excellent support, with birth exp/knowledge.

[flowers]

I am a doula and am very active in my local birth community so most of the doulas are personal friends. I am very seriously considering uncing this birth and I have had doulas tell me they would do anything I needed. This feels nice to feel supported.

Originally Posted by sweet.p

It's unfair for a women who does not want a midwife to complain when doulas don't want to be at your birth. Hire a midwifes to provide labor support if you want someone supportive there, why look to hire a doula? Many hbmidwives do sit in the background if that is what you want from them.

The doula carries all the liability in the situation and the birthing women does not. If you want a UC have one, invite a friend. But when you're hiring a doula, if something was to happen the doula could be charged with practicing medicine or midwifery without a licence.

Having her sign a document does not release her from the states laws and that is what matters.

I'm not sure this is true. If you sign an agreement with a doula, it specifically states that you as a doula are not providing any medical care...you are there for emotional and labor support. How would a doula be liable?

[FreeRangeMama]

I don't really get the idea of a doula at a UC. Having had 3 freebirths I know it would have been detrimental for me personally. Having that person there with "birth knowledge" there can lead down so many paths that lead you away from your own intuition. Isn't that the thing that makes UC safe? The ability to listen to your body's own inherent wisdom about birth?

It seems that if a situation arose where a birth-knowledgeable person would presumably come in handy, that would be that exact time the birthing mother would need the least amount of interference with her own natural instincts. Isn't that the point of UC? To be able to listen to our OWN birth wisdom?

If you want that paid professional there during labour, hire someone who's job it is to attend you during labour. If you want to have an unassisted birth then don't hire an assistant of any variety. Or at least carefully examine your motives, your fears, and your innermost thoughts on birth. Be sure your desire to hire a doula is coming from a place of need for comfort during labour and not just fear of the 'what ifs".

Admittedly, I don't even like my dh at my births (I am a solo birther by nature) so I am sure my opinion is rather strong due to my own experiences and personal bias. But the OP asked for any and all thoughts, so there ya go!

[Serenyd]

Originally Posted by FreeRangeMama

Be sure your desire to hire a doula is coming from a place of need for comfort during labour and not just fear of the "what ifs."

I had to come to this realization. You can't expect your doula to provide services which are beyond her scope of practice. That being said, I don't think there's anything wrong with having a doula at a UC birth, just as long as you are clear about your expections and she is clear about what she will be doing to help you during and after the labor & birth.

I think a good compromise to having a midwife, would be to have one on-call, that you could telephone if you were unsure what to do, with the agreement that you would call 911 instead of her if there was a dire emergency (hemorrhage, baby not breathing, ect.).

I was lucky enough to know a doula with some midwifery training whom I was able to call when I needed some advice during the pushing stage of my 1st UC labor. I was pushing but the baby wasn't budging, and she suggested another position for me to try, and voila! out came baby. Would I have been able to get the baby out without her help? Yes, but I was tired, in pain, and upset and DP was freaked out and it was REALLY nice to have someone knowledgeable and supportive to talk to right then. So I can see the value of having some kind of back-up system besides calling 911. I know that goes against the ideal of perfect intuition and trusting yourself to know how to give birth without interference, but I guess I'm far from perfect!

Good Luck!

[weliveintheforest]

That said it has been very difficult to find doulas who are willing to attend my planned UC birth. Finding a support person who also have faith in my ability to labor well and make responsible choices for my own health and my baby hasn't been easy and I'm still looking. I'm sure she's out there somewhere!

another option that might be helpful is another woman who has UCed. A lot of mothers may not be doulas but they could support you. Is there a yahoo group or something for unassisted birthers in your area?