S/O How do you feel about gift lists? - Page 3

[limabean]

Originally Posted by Breathless Wonder

I love wish lists!

I hate wasting my money on things people don't want, don't like, or can't use. And I don't enjoy receiving gifts that waste other people's money because we don't like them, or can't use them.

I would rather actually get no gift at all.

I know I'm probably going to get flamed for being ungrateful. I do appreciate the thought behind a gift, if it is evident that thought was given, but I find many people give gifts at the holidays because they feel obligated to. Frequently these gifts are whatever was cheapest on sale, or it is a generic household/girl/boy/woman/man gift (like a doll, or a truck, a scarf, or a wallet), it is something they are regifting that they didn't want, or just grabbed because they themselves would have liked it without any thought to what the giftee would like. I find that quite frustrating.

I don't really see the correlation between thoughtless gift giving and giving a gift that wasn't on a list. Thoughtless people will usually manage to be thoughtless whether you give them a list or not.

ETA: To answer the OP, growing up my family never did wish lists, and I was really uncomfortable with the idea when I first married DH and his family expected wish lists. I've grown accustomed to it with them now, but I still prefer my family's way of doing it.

[shanniesue2]

I like to give (and get) general ideas... for example this year we are going to tell people that DS is REALLY into trains. We'll let them go from there.

my SIL always sends out a list, and it's kind of tradition to get something off that list. A few years ago, they got my DH some Monty Python themed stuff... he actually got a kick out of it... but someone still said something to the effect of "you can't complain if you don't give us a list." (nobody complained or made any sign of being unenthusiastic about the gifts--so I never figured that out) ANYWAY... what irks me is that I will see something that really makes me think of one of the kids or my SIL and I'll mention it to DH and say, "I really think so and so would like this. What do you think?" And his response is "well, ask her." Ummmm... no. I'm either going to get it for them or I'm not. I don't feel like I should have to ask someone's permission to buy them a gift.

And on the converse, I am typically genuinely grateful and enthusiastic about gifts that I receive. Because I can usually tell that the giver put a lot of thought into it.

[Elecampane]

I don't have a lot of experience with an actual list...because people in my DH's family actually tell you what *one* specific gift to buy (mostly for the children, but also for adults sometimes, too). So there is no free will in choosing gifts for his family and it drives me INSANE. I think it's kind of rude and takes all of the fun out of gift-giving. Yeah, I get that people want certain things and don't want to receive things they don't want/need...but I like to choose gifts thoughtfully, especially for kids, rather than get another bratz doll or whatever other junk they've ordered up. Why not just give them a check in that case? To me, it's just as impersonal. It's fun to pick out toys or books, maybe give them something they wouldn't ordinarily choose or think of, and just maybe, maybe they would enjoy it.

Of course, if people ask us for ideas for DD, we are happy to share them, but I certainly wouldn't expect anyone to be bound by the "list" we'd shared.

[Bellabaz]

We create Amazon wish lists to give the family ideas of what to get. They live far away and don't really know what our kids like/need/would use. Same with me and my nieces and nephews. I have no idea what to get them. I live on another continent. I have no problem if someone gets something different, but I rather have a useful gift than have to go behind someones back and regift or donate.

My in laws are forever giving us stuff we don't use and we say thanks and do what we want with it. But it would be easier and nicer if they would ask for an idea or two. They give dd gifts that fit their idea of what she should like or how she should dress, not what might actually be useful for her or our lifestyle.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by Chryseis

Edited to add that I think the problem is not with gift lists themselves, it's how people view their own gift lists. If somebody creates a gift list with the expectation that these are the only gifts that are acceptable, then yes, I do find that rude and inappropriate.

This is almost exactly what I was going to say, too. I love to get a list for my nieces and nephews, and often buy from it. I also know I can buy something off-list if I want to, and that's fine. Sometimes, I'll see something that just makes me go "oh, R would love this", and I buy it. The fact that she hasn't seen it on tv doesn't mean it's not an acceptable gift, yk?

Likewise, we make a wish list for the kids. My mom usually buys off it (not always). My godmother and SIL almost never do. My sister will talk to me ahead of time, because she's on a really limited budget, and will try to pick a group gift. But, if she found something else that she just loved and could afford, that's great, too, yk? Nobody is picky about having to have a particular gift. That's just not the way we roll.

When I was still exchanging with my extended family, I used to do a wish list. But, one of the reasons was to let them know that certain things were still good. Kind of like, "yes - I know I have 40 pairs of dangly earrings, but I'm always happy to get more".

Oh, and lists in our family aren't a long list of expensive stuff. In fact, we've always made a point of including a few very cheap items that we would enjoy, because we all know it can be really hard to find that perfect gift with a limited cash flow. Wish lists in my family have included Bassets licorice allsorts, eyeliners, and single paperbacks, in addition to cameras, video game consoles, etc. They're wish lists, not "you must buy this" lists. Most of us use them more as idea generators than as scripts.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by BaBaBa

... but I also think gift cards are tacky so

IMO, gift cards, like most things, depend on both the giver and the recipient. I have a niece who is a complete bookworm. So am I. I don't see her much, and don't visit her at home, and have no way of knowing which books she's already got. So, I give her a $30.00 gift card to Chapters. I know, from my own personal experience, that there are few things she'll enjoy as much as being turned loose in a big bookstore with money to spend on a new book. I could give her cash, but the gift I'm giving her is shopping for new books. She might do that with cash, too - but that's the gift I'm giving her. I don't see that as any different than giving her a pass to the fair or taking a young child to the zoo.

[moaningminny]

I LOVE gift cards. I wish I had more "tacky" friends and family.

[philomom]

No list!

I think they are the height of tacky. I might ask a person for one or two specific examples of things they need... but I never use a registry. Ick.

My IL's keep asking the kids for lists..... I have the kids send them web links to one or two items they love. For ideas. Not to beg for that particular item but because the grandparents seem impotent without a clue.

[rhiandmoi]

Originally Posted by shanniesue2

ANYWAY... what irks me is that I will see something that really makes me think of one of the kids or my SIL and I'll mention it to DH and say, "I really think so and so would like this. What do you think?" And his response is "well, ask her." Ummmm... no. I'm either going to get it for them or I'm not. I don't feel like I should have to ask someone's permission to buy them a gift.

It's not about asking permission to buy them a gift, your DH doesn't know if his sister would like it, and he's used to asking/using the list. Not everyone is a good gifter, they don't know by looking at something whether their giftee will like it. They don't go out into the stores and get reminded of people when they see something. This doesn't mean that they don't care about their giftees or want them to be happy, they just aren't good gifters. And it has nothing to do with how much money they want to spend. My MIL is a terrible gifter and she spends a lot of money, and she tries really hard too.

[kirstenb]

I like wish lists. We live far from our family and it's hard to know what to get for my nieces and nephews, because we only see them a few times a year. I love to get ideas so I know what they are into. I only make a list for DS when my mom asks for one. Since they don't see him often either they don't always know what he likes to play with. We don't expect gifts to be from our wish list, and are appreciative of whatever people choose to buy. But I don't have a problem providing them with ideas if they ask for them.

[Quinalla]

I like them, but for things besides wedding/baby showers, they should come about at the request of the gift giver, not something dictated by the gift receiver Except for my sister and Mom, the rest of my family has always been hard to shop for and I would rather ask them what they want so that I don't waste money on something they won't use. And my Mom loves to buy presents for people, seriously loves it definitely her #1 love language, and always wants a big list from each of us kids. I think she spends far too much, though she can afford it so I don't say much about it except that she doesn't have to get us so much stuff, but I do make her a list because again, I hate to see money wasted and it gives her ideas if nothing else.

So yeah, I think they are very useful when requested by the gift giver. Otherwise, they can easily come off as demanding gifts.

[karemore]

Gift lists are helpful. I don't mind making one for someone who asks, and I don't mind receiving one if I request it.

I also love gift cards. Almost every adult on my list this year (and last, and the year before that) are all getting gift cards to restaurants I know they love or would love to try. (also giving gift cards to bookstore, health food store and Dunkin Donuts)

[Storm Bride]

I'm actually really wishing I had one for my brother's kids. I don't see them that much, and I really don't know what to get the two boys (8 and 10). I've had my niece covered for the last couple of years, but my nephews? I'm lost.