when should DD be in her own bed? and how do we do that?

[heartandhands]

i am so ready for DD to be in her own bed. she is almost 2 and i am preg with #2. baby isnt due until june but i would really prefer that she not be in our bed much longer bc of discomfort sleeping (esp as i get more preg and i am already a v light sleeper) and bc i def do NOT want her in there once baby #2 arrives (bc we'll co sleep with that baby).

when does a child normally (if ever?) decide to transition to his or her own bed?

our current routine is she falls asleep with us and then my husband transitions her to her own bed where she'll usually sleep until about 1am and then she comes to our bed for the rest of hte night until morning.

any ideas for how to make this happen? are we doomed to have her in our bed until she is like 7 now or something? help!

[Llyra]

I don't think there's any easy answer. Some kids seems to make the transition early and easily, and other kids don't seem to make up their minds to move on their own, until well into the school years.

That said, I think it's possible to make the transition now, if you're feeling fed up with the current situation.

Here's what I'd do, which is of course only my own personal take on it.

If it were me, given what you have said, I'd start by getting her used to falling asleep in her own bed. You or your partner might try lying down with her in her bed, or sitting by her, until she falls asleep. You can move towards having her fall asleep alone later-- that one takes more time, I think, and is a harder transition.

I'd tolerate the middle of the night waking and coming to your bed, just for a little while, until she's settled into the new way of doing bedtime.

Then I'd take the next step. When she comes in to your room at night, I'd gently take her back to her own bed. Again, you may have to lay in there with her until she falls back asleep, until she gets used to the new way of doing things. I think, though, that if you consistently take her back to her bed, every time, she should get used to this new way pretty quickly. I would maybe avoid moving back and forth between allowing her to cosleep and taking her back to her own bed-- she's likely to get confused, about why it's sometimes okay and sometimes not. I think that until she's settled into the new routine, you gotta be consistent about it. Unless it's a case of illness or something like that, of course.

It might be a good idea, if your partner is willing, to have him be the one who lies down with her in her bed, at least some of the time, so that she's willing to have it be that way once baby arrives, if one day for some reason you really have to be with baby.

I think the transition to falling asleep alone comes harder. You can gradually work towards her falling asleep with you sitting by the bed, and later with your sitting in the room but not very close, etc. It takes time and patience, though, so be sure you're really ready before you start it.

[justmama]

Llyra gave some good advice. My three all were/are co-sleepers. The oldest co-slept exclusively until age 3 when i started to transition her and it was done by age 4(LONG process). My middle co-slept exclusively until age 2 and then started the night in her own bed in the room with her big sister and came into bed with me to finish the night. When her baby sister was born, she was encouraged to sleep in her own bed. She's almost 5 now and she does come into my bed occasionally still(maybe 2-3times a month?) and she is allowed to stay. The littlest is 22months and starts the night in her own bed(has since 18months) and comes into my bed around 1am or so and stays for the rest of the night. I think nursing plays a big role so if you are still nursing, nightweaning may be the only way to get her into her own bed. We just nightweaned a month ago with the last one so she's been staying in bed longer but still coming to visit me during the night. Also, like Llyra said, teaching them to fall asleep on their own is the biggest part. You need to maybe work on that first. To be honest, my kids would still be co-sleeping if I let them. The oldest is 9 and she prefers her own space but the 4 and 1 year olds definitely would be with me all night if I let them. But I'm starting to want my own space and I'm single so I need some time to have children off my body just to stay sane. I don't have a partner to give them to just to avoid being touched or climbed on or whined at so nights sleeping by myself feel REALLY good right now. AND I've been co-sleeping with a child for almost 5 years straight so I'm just getting burnt out with having a small person on my body at all times. Be prepared for her to need more snuggles during the day because she feels she's getting less during the night. And just stay consistent. To keep the youngest in bed in the beginning, I sat next to her holding her hand until she fell asleep and gradually moved away. She's actually my best little sleeper now. We don't do cio so it was important to me to show her that she was safe and loved and mama was close by even if I wasn't sleeping next to her at all times.

[Shannie77]

I am also pregnant and my DD is 2.5. We are going to buy her her own bed next week because I just can't take it anymore. We just broke a bad habit of her watching TV in the middle of the night - I was horribly sick with the flu and couldn't deal with anything but giving in to her demands.

I told her one night that we could not go downstairs anymore... and since then I have stuck to that rule. After 2 nights she accepted it and doesn't try to get up to watch TV.

We have also changed some other habits in the past and the only time we have had success is when we were consistent.. and also had a clear "rules" in our head. I think it is really confusing for them when the rules keep changing.

My plan is to get her to start the night in her bed, and until January just encourage her back in upon each waking. In January I am hoping to be more firm that she has to stay in her bed... and I am hoping that works. After all her bed will be right beside mine.

Good luck!! Please post if you have any success!!