My DD is 4 months old and my brother's DD is 9 weeks old. Both our first. SIL is "Ferberizing" her newborn and I'm not sure how long I can keep my opinion to myself. I've read up some on the Ferber method and it does not recommend letting your baby CIO until three months of age. Well, SIL started at 3 weeks.
Last night SIL had a Facebook update that read "is letting DD cry it out and it's killing me". Which was followed by a bunch of her friends encouraging her and telling her she was doing the right thing. I asked on her update "For what purpose?" Her response was the following.. "it teaches babies that crying doesn't necessarily get you what you want and it strengthens their self soothing skills. Normally DD goes to bed sleepy but awake but tonight she went to bed completely asleep. She woke up a half hour later crying because she was wide awake and overtired. We went in at intervals to check on her and soothe her for a moment. I did eventually pick her up because she spit up on herself from all that crying, got her cleaned and calm and put her back down. She fussed a little more but put herself to sleep and has slept through the night. Yes, it's absolutely heartbreaking but she can't get in the habit of thinking crying and tantrums will get her everything"
WHAT?!?! Her DD is 9 weeks old!! She's not throwing a tantrum! She just wants her momma! What's so wrong with that????
My blood pressure rises just thinking about that poor baby crying for her momma with no response.
I hate it when people thrust their unwanted parenting advice on me, so I really don't want to spout off on SIL. But I'm not sure how long I can hold my tongue! SIL also told me once she tries not to hold her DD much because she doesn't want her to get used to it.
And now I get the feeling like she's judging me and thinks that I have a spoiled, bratty daughter who gets whatever she wants because I refuse to let her CIO (at least alone, sometimes a baby needs to cry, and then she does it in my arms).
I know in a couple years I'll have a well adjusted toddler who will have confidence in herself and her parents. SIL just might end up with a clingy DD who has no self confidence. I've seen attachment parenting and it's end results first hand. That's how my mother raised my brother and I. We're both self confident individuals who have excelled in our own ways and we have wonderful relationships with our parents. My childhood friend was raised like SIL is doing, left to cry it out, never held.... she has no self confidence as an adult, was suicidal as a teenager, and has a horrible relationship with her parents now. Also, SIL was raised as she's raising her daughter and she ran away from home at 17! She moved from NJ to IL to get away from her mother.
So now I'm ranting and raving to you guys because it's a safer outlet than letting SIL have it. Any advice on how to deal with this? Or have something innocent that I can say to SIL?
My DH is just shaking his head at me. He doesn't think I should get so up in arms about this since it's not our child. He's fully onboard with AP, so I'm incredibly lucky that we're on the same page. He's disgusted by her too, but he's not the confrontational type (I am LOL).
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Last night SIL had a Facebook update that read "is letting DD cry it out and it's killing me". Which was followed by a bunch of her friends encouraging her and telling her she was doing the right thing. I asked on her update "For what purpose?" Her response was the following.. "it teaches babies that crying doesn't necessarily get you what you want and it strengthens their self soothing skills. Normally DD goes to bed sleepy but awake but tonight she went to bed completely asleep. She woke up a half hour later crying because she was wide awake and overtired. We went in at intervals to check on her and soothe her for a moment. I did eventually pick her up because she spit up on herself from all that crying, got her cleaned and calm and put her back down. She fussed a little more but put herself to sleep and has slept through the night. Yes, it's absolutely heartbreaking but she can't get in the habit of thinking crying and tantrums will get her everything"
WHAT?!?! Her DD is 9 weeks old!! She's not throwing a tantrum! She just wants her momma! What's so wrong with that????
My blood pressure rises just thinking about that poor baby crying for her momma with no response.I hate it when people thrust their unwanted parenting advice on me, so I really don't want to spout off on SIL. But I'm not sure how long I can hold my tongue! SIL also told me once she tries not to hold her DD much because she doesn't want her to get used to it.
And now I get the feeling like she's judging me and thinks that I have a spoiled, bratty daughter who gets whatever she wants because I refuse to let her CIO (at least alone, sometimes a baby needs to cry, and then she does it in my arms).I know in a couple years I'll have a well adjusted toddler who will have confidence in herself and her parents. SIL just might end up with a clingy DD who has no self confidence. I've seen attachment parenting and it's end results first hand. That's how my mother raised my brother and I. We're both self confident individuals who have excelled in our own ways and we have wonderful relationships with our parents. My childhood friend was raised like SIL is doing, left to cry it out, never held.... she has no self confidence as an adult, was suicidal as a teenager, and has a horrible relationship with her parents now. Also, SIL was raised as she's raising her daughter and she ran away from home at 17! She moved from NJ to IL to get away from her mother.
So now I'm ranting and raving to you guys because it's a safer outlet than letting SIL have it. Any advice on how to deal with this? Or have something innocent that I can say to SIL?
My DH is just shaking his head at me. He doesn't think I should get so up in arms about this since it's not our child. He's fully onboard with AP, so I'm incredibly lucky that we're on the same page. He's disgusted by her too, but he's not the confrontational type (I am LOL).
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Sometimes I just can't stand how we all have to tiptoe around each other because someone might be offended. This is the part where DH tells me to cool it because I have lost it a few times at people. I just can't keep my thoughts to myself sometimes and sometimes people deserve.
