It's not my baby but... (rant) - Page 4

[BlueWolf]

Originally Posted by Auraji

It's sad. I just feel like if you're so secure in your own method you should be willing to hear the other side, ykwim?

I wasnt trying to make her feel bad or anything, that's why I limited my response to saying we dont do that here and here's some interesting links, but like you said putting the info out there is all we can do.

The problem probably is she's not secure in her own method. I just hope she looked at your links before deleting them.

[Abraisme]

I would find a couple of articles about how CIO causes brain damage and email them to her privately. However, I'm one to spout parenting advice in the hope that some tiny bit might be absorbed. It's pretty hard to ignore science, when it's proven that letting a baby cry is child neglect.

[darcytrue]

Originally Posted by MadiMamacita

a newborn (any baby, really) my guy nursed around the clock until like 3 months. I would have felt so terrible if he was crying instead of eating!

I agree. And some babies only cry when they need to be fed, cuddled or something. I would feel horrible ignoring a newborn like that. She does realize that at 9 weeks the child is still a newborn I hope? I feel so sorry for babies that are inconveniences for their parents from the very beginning. This child has only been in the world for 9 friggin weeks. I still have issues with my 7.5 yr old doing things alone and how young she still is.

[darcytrue]

Ha! you should add everyone you know on these boards to your Facebook account and start chatting every day about the negative effects of CIO. I bet that'll get some hints going her way.

[Kelly1101]

Originally Posted by Auraji

Haha, she even deleted my comment with the links and I didnt say anything mean. Just that I dont believe in that and have never done it with my daughter.

ARGH!

Sounds like someone is feeling guilty...

She should really listen to that guilty feeling.

[AntoninBeGonin]

Wonderful post. ITA .

A friend of mine was hospitalized as a baby because her mom would not touch her, soothe her, or hold her. She was close to dying. There's a term for it. I'm sorry, but I learned about this in a child development class six years ago and can't remember what it's called. In any event, touch is extremely important for a baby's health and well-being.

Originally Posted by Devaskyla

CIO=child neglect, imo. CIO for a 3 week old is abusive. It's not a question of pareting "styles" or choices any more than beating your child is an acceptable "style". The fact that peope promote it just means we have a long way to go before babies are treated with the love & respect they deserve.

As for her not touching the baby much, how would she feel if her dh didn't touch her because he"doesn't want her to get used to it."? Pretty awful, I bet. And adults don't die from lack of touch, babies do.

[Kelly1101]

Originally Posted by AntoninBeGonin

Wonderful post. ITA .

A friend of mine was hospitalized as a baby because her mom would not touch her, soothe her, or hold her. She was close to dying. There's a term for it. I'm sorry, but I learned about this in a child development class six years ago and can't remember what it's called. In any event, touch is extremely important for a baby's health and well-being.

Not to mention the effect of touch on mental development. Apparently it's not just us, all primates need touch, especially in infancy, for mental health and social adjustment... I remember reading some really interesting articles in my anthropology classes about studies done on the effects of touch-deprivation.

[Auraji]

Originally Posted by darcytrue

Ha! you should add everyone you know on these boards to your Facebook account and start chatting every day about the
negative effects of CIO. I bet that'll get some hints going her way.

I should!

*cough* [e-mail] *cough*



I just put that quote that someone mentioned of baby your babies when they're baby so you dont have to do it when they're adults.

It was funny after she deleted my post and her reply to me, someone commented on how she holds her baby to sleep and that she needs me parenting. She went on saying how attached parenting wasnt for her. I hear that a lot, AP is just not for me, but EVERY scientific study, every documentary I see talks about the importance of early attachment in child's physical and mental development and I too forget the name of what happens when a baby is not held enough.

I also think that if her baby hasnt been crying in a LONG time when she goes to bed. Why dont you just pick her up? I mean, we all feel different everyday, something is obviously troubling her and specially when you're gonna leave her with her grandmother while you go on vacation with your husband, which is ok, but just let her go to sleep happy before you go away.

[Auraji]

Originally Posted by darcytrue

I feel so sorry for babies that are inconveniences for their parents from the very beginning.

I know. I just dont understand it and it makes it very difficult for me to relate to other parents.

Like my SIL, she has a baby that's a couple months older than DD. When DD was 4 months she was amazed that I was still breastfeeding and that she was EBF. That's ok, some people are just not as informed, but then she says "I wanted to breastfeed too at least for the first month because I know it's better for them, but I didnt want the hassle"

Dss's mom is pregnant and came over the other day to bring him his snow boots. She's having a baby in April. I was asking her if she's excited and if her husband is excited. She said "he's excited, I know what Im in for". Ok, I understand, it's your second baby, it's different, it's his first and babies are a lot of work, but then she says that they were watching a video of a couple taking care of one of those baby dolls that cry and stuff and that her husband said "it's different with a real baby, taking care of a doll is not rewarding", then she tells me I said to him that taking care of a baby is not rewarding at all and it makes you go crazy

I just hear these kinds of things ALL the time and I feel sad because I feel it explains so much about why society is the way it is.

[frontierpsych]

Originally Posted by BlueWolf

And I'm even more disgusted with my brother because he doesn't do a thing! My DH said "If SIL doesn't want to feed her baby, why doesn't he?" He just so hands off with his own daughter that it's heart breaking.

Yes! If I were refusing to feed my son at night, my husband would run to wal mart, buy a breast pump, attack me with it, and feed him himself. I'd expect nothing less!

[BlueWolf]

Originally Posted by Auraji

I should!

*cough* [e-mail] *cough*

I sent you a friend request. Your daughter is SOOOO adorable!

[BlueWolf]

Originally Posted by Auraji

I know. I just dont understand it and it makes it very difficult for me to relate to other parents.

Like my SIL, she has a baby that's a couple months older than DD. When DD was 4 months she was amazed that I was still breastfeeding and that she was EBF. That's ok, some people are just not as informed, but then she says "I wanted to breastfeed too at least for the first month because I know it's better for them, but I didnt want the hassle"

Dss's mom is pregnant and came over the other day to bring him his snow boots. She's having a baby in April. I was asking her if she's excited and if her husband is excited. She said "he's excited, I know what Im in for". Ok, I understand, it's your second baby, it's different, it's his first and babies are a lot of work, but then she says that they were watching a video of a couple taking care of one of those baby dolls that cry and stuff and that her husband said "it's different with a real baby, taking care of a doll is not rewarding", then she tells me I said to him that taking care of a baby is not rewarding at all and it makes you go crazy

I just hear these kinds of things ALL the time and I feel sad because I feel it explains so much about why society is the way it is.

I feel pretty confident in speaking for all of us when I say taking care of our children is one of the most rewarding things we will do in our lives. I'm blessed to be a mother and I thank God every day for the gift of my daughter.

Originally Posted by frontierpsych

Yes! If I were refusing to feed my son at night, my husband would run to wal mart, buy a breast pump, attack me with it, and feed him himself. I'd expect nothing less!

I just had a mental imagine of my husband attempting to attack me with a breast pump... LOL He made me so mad a couple months ago that I tried to attack him with the breast bump but the cord wouldn't allow me to reach him.

[sapphire_chan]

O.
M.
G.

I wouldn't be able to talk to that family again.

I'd probably end up ending the relationship by telling my SIL that she's teaching her dd that her mother has died in the night and there's no point in crying because no one will ever come for her again.

If a 16 month old can have trouble believing that a parent will be back in 20 minutes after having it happen again and again, no freaking way a 9 week old is going to learn that the parent will be coming back in 8 hours.

Pity your niece is going to end up stupider than she should be from all the elevated cortisol.

[Auraji]

Originally Posted by BlueWolf

I feel pretty confident in speaking for all of us when I say taking care of our children is one of the most rewarding things we will do in our lives. I'm blessed to be a mother and I thank God every day for the gift of my daughter.

I agree. I never thought of myself as a mother before getting pregnant, but I always liked kids, but I just felt like I became whole and understood life for what it really is. Im thankful everyday for the moments I share with my daughter and for how much she teaches me everyday. She puts a smile on my face.

And your baby is adorable too.

Ohh and apparently my "friend" blocked me from seeing her wall or something I dont know. I cant see her wall, but see her pics and everything else...I didnt even say anything directly to her after the links and that I didnt believe in CIO. I just posted the baby your babies things on MY wall. I guess in order for me to be her friend I have to agree with everything she says

[AustinMom]

It sounds like she may need some advice, and it doesn't seem like she is going to be all that willing to listen to "motherly" advice. I know what you are going through, a friend of mine would let her baby cry for 30 min straight, I'm talking SCREAMING CRYING YELLING. That is crazy. Poor Baby. I would suggest introducing her to Dr. Sears and how they are a group of experienced peds, and they are well known, and respected, and have helped thousands of moms. Conveniently, they are VERY pro attachment parenting, no-cryout, can't spoil baby, space out vaccines,

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/t051200.asp

This may help you, because I know how it is to want to do something, but don't want to intrude. Maybe she will listen to an expert.

This was interesting too, it gives the facts on the ferber method, show her this too

http://sleep-disorders.suite101.com/...ersus_dr_sears

[BlueWolf]

Originally Posted by AustinMom

It sounds like she may need some advice, and it doesn't seem like she is going to be all that willing to listen to "motherly" advice. I know what you are going through, a friend of mine would let her baby cry for 30 min straight, I'm talking SCREAMING CRYING YELLING. That is crazy. Poor Baby. I would suggest introducing her to Dr. Sears and how they are a group of experienced peds, and they are well known, and respected, and have helped thousands of moms. Conveniently, they are VERY pro attachment parenting, no-cryout, can't spoil baby, space out vaccines,

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/t051200.asp

This may help you, because I know how it is to want to do something, but don't want to intrude. Maybe she will listen to an expert.

This was interesting too, it gives the facts on the ferber method, show her this too

http://sleep-disorders.suite101.com/...ersus_dr_sears

Your second link is going in my FB status... Thanks for that!

Your first link was a Godsend for me and my husband when we were trying to figure out our high needs DD.

[StarMommy77]

I wanted to say that I have a brother whose voice was not heard on major parenting issues and he felt helpless.. things like vaccines and circ.. which his son's was botched and required surgery to correct. (Thank goodness)

Sometimes God puts in a position to help and love. Your neice/nephew cannot protect themselves at this point. And his/her voice is falling on deaf ears. Maybe it is time for your parens and you to intervene and let her know that these methods are not normal and baby is following a normal path of needs. If you and your family doesn't who will? And if you love that baby.. why would you sit there and watch it unfold or filter or remove her updates from your FB.. Out of sight isn't out of mind or heart.

Her baby could die the next time she tries to feberize it ESP if she is loading up that baby's belly with rice cereal (which probably HURTS b/c it isn't READY for it.. ) Ugghh.. I sooo feel your frustration but she needs an intervention.. If she were my SIL.. it would have happened already.