"negative initial response"

[violet]

I"m not sure where I heard this term -- something in relation to personality traits or something. Some kids are high/low energy, some quick to join the action and some have a negative first response to new situations.... I think it was something along those lines. My DS (5.5 yo) seems to have a negative response to any request I make of him. Let's clean up -- no. Let's do this or that -- no. Unless it is phrased in the "as soon as we do --X-- we can go to the park, cousin's house, watch a video, etc..." But I don't always have a next situation to move into and it bothers me that there always has to be a payoff for him to join in. And sometimes it seems like he's just saying no out of habit and once he realizes that it is more fun to join in, then he does. He just seems stuck in the NO. Anybody else been there? It strikes me more and more as a personality thing because my DD is similar but my other DS, (2.5) is so happy to say yes and do anything with anybody anytime~ I want to keep it fun and happy but I also don't want a "No" everytime I make a simple request.

[LynnS6]

I've got several family members like that, dd is a bit like that, and dd's best friend is definitely like that. (The term, by the way, comes from Chess & Thomas' work on temperament traits. Initial Response is one of their temperament traits.)

One thing that works is to quit asking yes/no question, even implied ones. So, "let's clean up" can be answered with 'no'. "It's time for clean-up" can't reasonably be. Now, that doesn't mean that your ds won't respond "no" to "it's time for..." but you can respond "that wasn't a question" or just plain old ignore it. (After all, you didn't ASK for his opinion.)

Another thing that works is to ask them what's the next step. If it's their idea, there's more buy in. My mom uses this technique with my dad.

Plenty of transition time is also key. I've had situations where "In 5 minutes, it's time for your bath." is met with "no! i'm not taking a bath." "In three minutes, it's time for your bath." "no!" "Bath time." "No!" as she walks upstairs and gets undressed for her bath. Given plenty of transition time allows that initial 'no' to get out before the actual event takes place.