Help me with my rebuttal, please.

[HappyMomma2008]

I have two well-meaning but extremely ill-informed and outspoken family members who continue to hound me about breastfeeding my 21 month old. I have tried all sorts of ways to handle their direct and indirect comments.... including ignoring, changing the subject, citing WHO guidelines, and telling them "it works for us" and "it's not up for discussion".

I am to the point of asking them to show me scientific proof that what I am doing is, as they say, harmful. If I open this door, what will they find? Does research exist that says children who nurse past one year have ANY problems that can be directly related to nursing?

I guess it 'tis the season to be harassed by loving family!

[BlessedMommy2006]

Wow, I guess that your relatives would think that I'm really over the top. I'm nursing my infant and my 39 month old!

It's not their business at all and they are risking their relationship with you by continuing to push the issue. You don't owe them ANY explanations! But you could say that the WHO recommends a minimum of 2 years of breastfeeding.

[Claire and Boys]

I have looked before for this exact same thing for the purpose of settling an argument and can expressly say that there is zero evidence out there that there is any harm physically or psychologically for breastfeeding past infancy. There is on the other hand a wealth of evidence stating that it is beneficial. You don't have to justify your parenting in the slightest, you're doing the right thing for your baby, 100%!

[proudmomof4]

Instead of having yet another discussion with your loving family it might be healthier to really end this discussion à la "been there - done with it".
Maybe you want to offer some written information (WHO - as you already did) and then move on.
Or maybe pass them the phone and offer to call CPS for them?

[Lil'M]

From the AAP policy available here: http://aappolicy.aappublications.org...;115/2/496.pdf

"There is no upper limit to the duration of
breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic
or developmental harm from breastfeeding
into the third year of life or longer."

But I agree with other posters--you may need to tell them that you will not have this discussion with them any longer and any time they pursue it you will disengage (change the subject, leave, hang up, etc.). This is your child and your bf relationship. They are not partners in this.

[khaoskat]

I would be way out in left field for them as well:

currently nursing my slightly over 4 1/2 year old son, my slightly over 2 year old daughter and am currently 14 weeks or so pregnant.

I would just be blunt with them. That you do not intend to stop nursing, and that if they cannot respect your wishes and leave you alone on the subject that you will cut ties because they are the ones who are being harmful to you and your child.

I have BTDT with my IL's.

[GoBecGo]

I would say i was getting very uncomfortale with their interest in and comments about my breasts and make THEM the weirdo's! In fact i would have my DH say it, as a proprietal thing, as in "I'm sorry, i cannot listen to you talk about my wife's breasts this way ANYmore, this is not appropriate or normal (unlike feeding one's child), please stop."

[elanorh]

If you want to challenge them to it, then tell them that it needs to be peer-reviewed and science-based. They can definitely find all sorts of people who are willing to share their OPINION about the harm that breastfeeding does.

Personally, I would have a frank 'conversation' (announcement might be more like it) next time the topic comes up. I would tell them that:

The science has not changed. The medical advice has not changed. And as a family this continues to work for you. And in the future if they want to debate or discuss this, they should be prepared for

A. you to ask them equally uninformed and nosy questions about decisions they have made as a family [I don't know what -- birth control options, etc.?].

B. Or to be prepared to have you just change the subject in a very obvious fashion. "How about those Yankees?"

C. Or, you could always suggest that they try learning another language to ask the question, because you're just not interested in discussing it.

Good luck!

[ACsMom]

Originally Posted by GoBecGo

I would say i was getting very uncomfortale with their interest in and comments about my breasts and make THEM the weirdo's! In fact i would have my DH say it, as a proprietal thing, as in "I'm sorry, i cannot listen to you talk about my wife's breasts this way ANYmore, this is not appropriate or normal (unlike feeding one's child), please stop."

I like this a lot.

I also like what you said you've already said: "It's not up for discussion." What if you used the broken record technique? Just keep repeating that every time they say something. You could even say it with a smile on your face. After a while they'll get sick of hearing it and just stop. It works every time, in my experience!

[anj_rn]

Originally Posted by elanorh

Personally, I would have a frank 'conversation' (announcement might be more like it) next time the topic comes up. I would tell them that:

The science has not changed. The medical advice has not changed. And as a family this continues to work for you. And in the future if they want to debate or discuss this, they should be prepared for

A. you to ask them equally uninformed and nosy questions about decisions they have made as a family [I don't know what -- birth control options, etc.?].

Loved this!

[jessjgh1]

I'd have to say I'd be searching for something to use if this was something they kept bringing up. Some things that come to my mind: Are they okay with a 2 or 3 year old using a pacifier... I'd be pointing that the pacifier is just a substitute for a real nipple.
Are they okay with 2 or 3 year olds using a bottle? Drinking cows milk? Than what could possibly be bad with the - real thing?
It really depends on the person though. I'm pretty lucky not to have anyone who feels that way in my family or friends.... and I really am able to say that pretty much everyone I know has either nursed to 2 and/or done child-led weaning- if I need to point something out.

Good luck!
Jessica

[KristyDi]

Here's what I think I would do.

Print out some short info from Kellymom and the BF policy statements from the WHO, AAP, and what ever the Family drs assoc is w/ the relevant info highlighted.
When they make a negative comment, pull out your sheaf of research and say something like the following.

"IL's thank you for your concern for my child's health. I know you love them. However I am tired of having this discussion over and over. It's obvious that we may never agree on this issue. Here is just some of the research that supports my position. Whether you are swayed by this or not, it comes down to this: My DH and I are the parents in this situation and we have made our decision. We feel that we are doing what is best for our child.
In the interest of peace in the family I would like to put this behind us and not discuss it again. Thank you for understanding."

The above is a one time thing. After that if anyone makes a comment use the broken record. Pick a phrase like "I'm not willing to discuss this." or "I've said all I need to say on this subject." and repeat it verbatim as often as necessary.

[Smokering]

If you want to challenge them to it, then tell them that it needs to be peer-reviewed and science-based. They can definitely find all sorts of people who are willing to share their OPINION about the harm that breastfeeding does.

What I might do... and bear in mind I'm nasty and maladjusted... is print off a whopping great list of references to peer-reviewed studies that demonstrate psychological and physiological benefits to full-term nursing. Not the articles themselves, just a huge list of references. Snowball them. Then say if they would like to present a list of peer-reviewed articles that rebut those studies, they are welcome; but until then you will not be engaging with their opinions any longer.

And then stick to it. Have a stock phrase, even. Heck, "I'm not engaging with your opinion any longer" would probably do. Or "We can discuss this once you've presented those peer-reviewed studies".

Whatever approach you decide to take, good luck!

[zensven42]

Yeah, I say the next time they bring it up say" I have made my choice, and it is not up for discussion." If they keep at it, then walk away from them everytime they talk about it, or just don't be near them to begin with. They are being pushy and downright creepy to be so darned nosy

[HappyMomma2008]

Thank you for all your great ideas! I knew you all could help. Will keep you posted........

[KatWrangler]

Originally Posted by GoBecGo

I would say i was getting very uncomfortale with their interest in and comments about my breasts and make THEM the weirdo's! In fact i would have my DH say it, as a proprietal thing, as in "I'm sorry, i cannot listen to you talk about my wife's breasts this way ANYmore, this is not appropriate or normal (unlike feeding one's child), please stop."

This is exactly what I was going to say before I read your reply.

OP,

Why are they so interested in your breasts? I would tell them thats creepy.

[Gentle~Mommy :)]

I am still nursing my almost 5 year old (Jan 10) and my 3 year old, my older son rarely nurses in public now because the last time we did I thought people were going to faint. My family knows but they don't dare say a thing to me because they know I will go off on them. He will stop when HE wants to.

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by elanorh

If you want to challenge them to it, then tell them that it needs to be peer-reviewed and science-based. They can definitely find all sorts of people who are willing to share their OPINION about the harm that breastfeeding does.

I'd probably hand them an absurdly long list of journal articles and tell them that when they have read them all I will be willing to discuss it with them--and that they'd better bring their notes.

Either that, or "I will not discuss my breasts with you!" LOUDLY.

I have a 22 question list for vaccinations; anyone who has given the list to a busybody (when you have answered all these questions for each VAD and vaccine, we'll talk) has not heard back from them.

[Ellien C]

With people like that, I'm not sure a rebuttal will work at all. You simply won't change their mind and you won't shut them up.

Would be open to simply changing the topic and moving on, or stating that you've discussed this before and you don't need to discuss it again. It might help to acknowledge their discomfort a al "I understand that YOU are not comfortable with this. However it is a decision between me, my family (and my doctor if you want) and it's not open for discussion. We're going to have to agree to disagree."