Tell me what you know about bitting 19 month olds

[mamakaikai]

My 19 month old dd is biting. Until now, she really has been a very sweet little girl who rarely ever showed signs of tantrum behavior or distress in any way. She's still a sweet child, but I am getting really upset with this behavior.

The biting is almost exclusively at the breast, though both my husband and I have been bitten elsewhere, so have our cushions and blankets. The bites are intense, her jaw shakes, and then she moves her jaw side to side as she pulls off at the very last bit of flesh in her mouth. It is extremely painful, especially since my nipples are so sore from being pregnant.

I am 7 weeks pregnant, which I think is why she is acting this way. She has not nursed at all in the daytime in the last week, only bites. A week ago she still nursed like a newborn.

How to discipline and make this stop?

So far I have said no, and removed her from the breast. She knows to say sorry and does. She knows very well the difference between gentle and ouchies. We have just started putting her in time out, since being consistently compassionate and talking about hurting people isnt working.

For time out, she sits on the floor for 2 minutes, with both parents if possible sitting in front of her. We are firm, but we talk to her about why she is sitting there. But it seems she could care less. She's just as happy sitting there! Ugh.

She communicates very well for her age, has 2-3 word sentences.
I'm a sahm, so she gets tons of 1 on 1 attention from me, and we do activities all the time.

She's not teething.

I don't get it.

She told me when I asked her why she bites, that she does it because of the baby in my tummy. Really!? We barely ever talk about the "baby".

Help!

[enigo]

One reason she may be biting at the breast is that the milk supply often drops dramatically when you get pregnant. She may just be frustrated at the milk situation.
My son used to bite when he was about that age. (Just my husband and I) I swear I don't know what worked. We did both "No!!" and Please don't bite me, biting hurts". He would just walk up and bite us on the leg out of nowhere. One day he just stopped. I don't know if our methods worked or he grew out of it.

[Llyra]

I think that how you're handling it sounds right. It's what I would do, basically. I have learned, however, that even if you're doing everything exactly right-- being firm, and clear-- that it takes times and patience before these toddler behaviors like hitting and biting disappear. If you are consistent, it will happen, and she will get it, but it takes time. Sometimes it takes weeks or months, because it takes them awhile to make the cause-and-effect connection, and longer to master the impulse control they need to stop themselves when they feel like biting.

I agree that biting at the breast is probably directly related to a reduced milk supply, because the sort of bite you describe is exactly like what my DD2 used to do when she was frustrated with my letdown being slow. (I had some problems for awhile with delayed letdown, because of illness.) When the milk didn't come easily, she would bite just like you describe. Do you have a plan for how to handle it if you do indeed start to lose your milk supply? Does she complain about there being less milk?

She may also be sensing the change in you-- are you more tired, a little less patient, etc.? Early pregnancy can be exhausting. She will notice that stuff, and react. I remember a bad phase with my DD1 when I started to slow down a lot, in my third trimester with the twins, and she started indulging in all sorts of obnoxious behaviors. It's the very first glimpse of sibling rivalry, I think. The only thing to do was to stick close to her, and spend lots of quality time with her, and be firm and clear about what wasn't allowed.

Another thing I might try is to be less calm. I don't mean lose your head and yell or anything. But when she bites, get a little more fussed about it. Carry on a bit about how much it hurts, and let her see you be sad or even a little bit angry about it. Just a little bit, so that she can see how what she does leads directly to mama being hurt and upset. Maybe even ask your partner if he can keep a straight face and make it real, and have him come running over and playact making a big deal out of consoling you for your "owies."