Two weeks ago we had to put our 11 yo boxer Bailey to sleep.
She went off her food for about a week - at first she just refused her normal food, but we could tempt her by putting special wet food in, then she wouldn't eat that, then she wouldn't get off the couch for treats, and finally, she just wouldn't take anything even if I brought it over to her. She was really shaky and could barely walk. We knew she had arthritis in her spine from a prior illness and I though maybe a nerve was inpinged. We brought her to the vet on a Tuesday, and they couldn't find anything wrong during the exam until the vet happened to have her hand on her rear when she stood up, and said she felt crepulance (sp?) (grinding). They took her in the back and did an xray and came back to tell us she had very advanced bone cancer in both hip joints, and the grinding feeling was bone shards flaking off and dissipating into the surrounding muscle tissue. The ball of one hip was so compromised by tumor that it was pathologically fractured (it might as well have been broken from a clinical perspective). The vet said if it were her dog she would put her down right then.
That night was DS11's birthday and Bailey had been with us his entire life. DH was not ready to let go that night. The vet said we could try giving her some heavy duty pain meds, along with some stomach coating medicine, with the hope that relieving her pain would perk up her appetite a little bit, get her to eat, and we could have her around a little longer.
Unfortunately, the stomach meds could not coat her stomach adequately, and within a day she was vomiting blood and having bloody diarrhea (something the vet had warned us about).
So that Thursday we brought her back and the vet put her too sleep. It was awful - we had to peel DS off of her at the house so we could drive away, and he was hysterical. DH carried her into the vet's office but then went to wait in the car - I am trying really hard to understand the way he needed to handle the situation, but I am so disappointed by that. I stayed with Bailey while they gave her the sedative, and then the final shot, petting her face the whole time and telling what a good girl she was. She just looked so droopy and tired, from not eating she had lost weight so quickly and her skin was just hanging off her.
The next couple days were Halloween with a lot of activities and then my work hotted up so I was going flat out through most of last week. When I finally took a breath this weekend, it was the first time I had a chance to just reflect on Bailey being gone, and it seemed so still in the house, even though we have two kids and another big dog. It seems like it's only me who realized how much *space* she took up, and how much of a presence everything about her was, like her snoring and snuffling and always being by my feet in the study (I work from home most of the week). No one else has mentioned her, and even our other dog, who was the wimpy follower to her alpha, seems fine, even HAPPY to be the only one around now - I though he would be inconsolable.
I went to pick up her ashes the other day and they put them in a really nice wooden box with flowers laser cut on the top, with a nice brass nameplate - I had no idea they would be put together so nicely. Also, they are heavy - it seems like a few pounds. I put them on my fireplace mantle behind some pictures for now, but in a few months after I have time to think of something fitting, I'd like us to decide as a family what to do with them.
I just feel really sad and unresolved, maybe everyone else is still upset too, but they're certainly not showing it. Everything happened so fast, finding out she was sick and having to put her down 2 days later, and now its almost three weeks later and I feel like I can't process through it, like somehow the time to do that has been lost. We've lost dogs before, but I just feel so much more sad about this. Me and Bailey were the only girls in a house full of men - DH, 2 DSs and our other dog, a male. It's so stupid, but I feel really lonely now.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far. I know it was long. I thought maybe writing all this down would help me move through the process. Everyone give your furbabies a little extra hug tonight.
Jane
She went off her food for about a week - at first she just refused her normal food, but we could tempt her by putting special wet food in, then she wouldn't eat that, then she wouldn't get off the couch for treats, and finally, she just wouldn't take anything even if I brought it over to her. She was really shaky and could barely walk. We knew she had arthritis in her spine from a prior illness and I though maybe a nerve was inpinged. We brought her to the vet on a Tuesday, and they couldn't find anything wrong during the exam until the vet happened to have her hand on her rear when she stood up, and said she felt crepulance (sp?) (grinding). They took her in the back and did an xray and came back to tell us she had very advanced bone cancer in both hip joints, and the grinding feeling was bone shards flaking off and dissipating into the surrounding muscle tissue. The ball of one hip was so compromised by tumor that it was pathologically fractured (it might as well have been broken from a clinical perspective). The vet said if it were her dog she would put her down right then.
That night was DS11's birthday and Bailey had been with us his entire life. DH was not ready to let go that night. The vet said we could try giving her some heavy duty pain meds, along with some stomach coating medicine, with the hope that relieving her pain would perk up her appetite a little bit, get her to eat, and we could have her around a little longer.
Unfortunately, the stomach meds could not coat her stomach adequately, and within a day she was vomiting blood and having bloody diarrhea (something the vet had warned us about).
So that Thursday we brought her back and the vet put her too sleep. It was awful - we had to peel DS off of her at the house so we could drive away, and he was hysterical. DH carried her into the vet's office but then went to wait in the car - I am trying really hard to understand the way he needed to handle the situation, but I am so disappointed by that. I stayed with Bailey while they gave her the sedative, and then the final shot, petting her face the whole time and telling what a good girl she was. She just looked so droopy and tired, from not eating she had lost weight so quickly and her skin was just hanging off her.
The next couple days were Halloween with a lot of activities and then my work hotted up so I was going flat out through most of last week. When I finally took a breath this weekend, it was the first time I had a chance to just reflect on Bailey being gone, and it seemed so still in the house, even though we have two kids and another big dog. It seems like it's only me who realized how much *space* she took up, and how much of a presence everything about her was, like her snoring and snuffling and always being by my feet in the study (I work from home most of the week). No one else has mentioned her, and even our other dog, who was the wimpy follower to her alpha, seems fine, even HAPPY to be the only one around now - I though he would be inconsolable.
I went to pick up her ashes the other day and they put them in a really nice wooden box with flowers laser cut on the top, with a nice brass nameplate - I had no idea they would be put together so nicely. Also, they are heavy - it seems like a few pounds. I put them on my fireplace mantle behind some pictures for now, but in a few months after I have time to think of something fitting, I'd like us to decide as a family what to do with them.
I just feel really sad and unresolved, maybe everyone else is still upset too, but they're certainly not showing it. Everything happened so fast, finding out she was sick and having to put her down 2 days later, and now its almost three weeks later and I feel like I can't process through it, like somehow the time to do that has been lost. We've lost dogs before, but I just feel so much more sad about this. Me and Bailey were the only girls in a house full of men - DH, 2 DSs and our other dog, a male. It's so stupid, but I feel really lonely now.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far. I know it was long. I thought maybe writing all this down would help me move through the process. Everyone give your furbabies a little extra hug tonight.
Jane
I really teared up reading your story. It's heartbreaking. You were such a good owner for Bailey!!! She will always be with you in your heart. 
