1st apt. this week

[anotherpeanut]

I'm nervous. Our first appointment is this week...I'm going back to the doctors I used the last time in which I ended up with a c/section (no labor, suspected large baby, suspected cephalopelic disproportion, 3 days post date)...I have a feeling I may be switching practices but my family is pressuring me to stay with these doctors. Doctors in general make me a little nervous plus I feel like they may tell me "sure we'll do a vbac" and then get to the end and try to guide away from it...just a hunch (if they didn't think baby #1 would fit, why would this be any different). I'm thinking of switching to a different group that has both midwives and doctors but i'm really overwhelmed! Why is the pregnancy and birth more complicated with the 2nd one, isn't it supposed to be the other way around?

[GOPLawyer]

Just to make sure I have this right....at only 40+3, w/o going into labor, the OB said your baby was too big and just gave you a c/s?

If so...I would RUN, RUN, RUN from this OB. I wouldn't even go to one appointment. Not to be disrespectful but who cares if your family wants you to go to this doctor. The choice is *yours* to make. YOU are the one who needs to be happy and comfortable w/ the OB.

[jess152]

Eeesh, I wouldn't bother showing up! You are right to follow your hunch. Why is your family pressuring you? How is it their decision? I would go with your gut and look elsewhere. Good luck and congrats on your pregnancy!

[UberMama]

You're nervous. That means don't go. Okay, I am nervous for my first CNM appt (new CNM, comes highly recommended, good VBAC rates, low c/s rates, etc. etc.) but not nervous that she'll push me into a c/s necessarily.

What I'm saying is, your post to me screams that you don't really want to go. I don't blame you. For reasons stated in your own post, your c/s wasn't necessary and you know it. Many drs are no longer VBAC friendly, so pushing a c/s for no reason and then truly being okay with your VBACing? Doubtful. I'm pretty pessimistic though. :/

PS No one but me gets a say in who treats me. I am a surrogate this time around, and even with a well written contract, it states that I pick who treats me, NO ONE else. So in your case, I'd say you have even more say, being this is your baby, of course. Heck, even my DH doesn't know who I am seeing this time around and only a couple of friends who are supportive of me know who I am seeing.

[MsBlack]

I agree with the prior posters....there is no reason to start seeing a practice with whom you've already received poor care, and every reason to avoid seeing any practice that makes you so nervous.

For you, I think maybe the first step toward having a normal birth is to take matters into your own hands: set some boundaries with your family, lovingly but firmly--let them know that you appreciate their concern but you will be making your own decisions about how, and with whom you birth this time. Start shopping around for vbac-friendly providers and hospitals, consider homebirth, just look into your options generally.

And, are you connected yet with the International Cesarian Awareness Network (ICAN)? If not, then you will do yourself a world of good to get in touch:

ican-online.org

From the main page you can search ICAN support groups in your area; from the local group you can get info on which hospitals, docs, homebirth midwives may be your best options for a normal birth this time around. Also, ICAN keeps links to all the latest research concerning vbac--which you can share with your family if they give you any trouble about your choices.

With determination, becoming well informed, asking for what you really want, searching for the right provider for *you*, and by having good boundaries with others who try to run your show for you, any woman is best situated to have a vbac! You can do this!

good luck, and happy hunting

[anotherpeanut]

Thanks! I am a member of ICAN and also have a friend who is homebirthing that has had some great info for me. I have the name of a group that is both obs and midwives with a high vbac success rate so i think i'll be giving them a call. i'm lucky i'm in a metro area with some good options but the whole task is overwhelming to me. i know that sounds totally lame but after being through the whole c/section last time i feel a little shell shocked. i was 27 when i had my first, no complications during the pregnancy, my blood pressure tended towards high but always came back to normal at home (i freaked out at appointments...i usually do with most doctors). homebirth is definitely not for me so that option is out, i'm too disorganized and i don't think my husband would be solid enough at home, he's great at taking directions but a total nervous mess when i'm in pain. thanks for the support, it makes me feel far less crazy.

[jess152]

You must be pretty early in your pregnancy if you are just going to your first appointment. That means you have LOTS of time to get things straightened out. Try not to feel overwhelmed! It sounds like you have some good leads. Being pregnant is such a special time (aside from the morning sickness & leg cramps) so try to enjoy it!

Read a variety of birth stories on MDC and bookmark some for your hubby so he can see that it's pain with a purpose, and that there are things he can do to help rather than watch you labour and feeling helpless.

Find your month Due Date Club and join for moral support! There will definitely be other VBAC-ing mamas on there, going through the same thing you are.

[anotherpeanut]

Thanks I'm roughly 8 weeks along, so yes very early. We are only publicly pregnant to our families and a friend that guessed so we do have time. It's important to me that I feel heard this time around, I feel like my voice got lost at the end of the last pregnancy and i don't want that to happen again. i'm also considering hiring a doula to have some extra support along the way. thanks for reading i've become kind of an earthy mama and having a c/section just doesn't really seem to gel well with that! i'm not totally crunchy but i tend towards more natural approaches these days, and a more ap style of parenting as well (thus my apprehension at being away from #1 for too long). thanks again.

[roadfamily6now]

Originally Posted by UberMama

You're nervous. That means don't go. Okay, I am nervous for my first CNM appt (new CNM, comes highly recommended, good VBAC rates, low c/s rates, etc. etc.) but not nervous that she'll push me into a c/s necessarily.

What I'm saying is, your post to me screams that you don't really want to go. I don't blame you. For reasons stated in your own post, your c/s wasn't necessary and you know it. Many drs are no longer VBAC friendly, so pushing a c/s for no reason and then truly being okay with your VBACing? Doubtful. I'm pretty pessimistic though. :/

PS No one but me gets a say in who treats me. I am a surrogate this time around, and even with a well written contract, it states that I pick who treats me, NO ONE else. So in your case, I'd say you have even more say, being this is your baby, of course. Heck, even my DH doesn't know who I am seeing this time around and only a couple of friends who are supportive of me know who I am seeing.

I agree! Even as a surrogate I still get the right to choose who cares for me.
You should pick your own care provider, and one that supports you in your choices .

[DocsNemesis]

I agree with everyone else. No WAY would I be going anywhere near that OB office. I'm so sorry that happened! How big was your first anyway?

I hope you can find a good care provider and not be scared this time around. I'd also look for a good doula and find whoever else you can that will help you stay strong (since your family doesn't seem to be much help there!). Is your dh supportive of you VBACing?

[anotherpeanut]

My baby was 8 lbs. 12 oz...he was guesstimatated by ultrasound at 37 weeks to be "upwards of 10 lbs" which I'm sure pulled their opinion even further towards c/s! Yes my husband is supportive of VBAC but I'm not sure he totally understands how important this is to me and why I want to switch providers. i'm trying to slowly explain it to him but it doesn't seem to be clicking. he (like my mom also) thinks that they wouldn't do a c/s unless it was totally necessary...having a hard time convincing him that maybe mine wasn't totally necessary! I'm considering hiring a doula as well, i've got a few names to consider and i like the idea of having an advocate to calm everyone down. we had an entourage at the hospital the last time!

[DocsNemesis]

Yeah, they've been off on every single ultrasound for my babies weights as well. They are notorious for being off-especially further in pregnancy.

8lbs is not a huge baby, not at all.

My mom is the same way, she doesn't see my first delivery as being bad or having any problems. I didn't have a cesarean, but I did have a TON of interventions and my sons heart stopped while pushing. She saw this all as normal and the OB doing what had to be done. I honestly believe the problems were caused by the OB and the hospital, though of course I'll never know. But this same woman had an emergency cesarean with my sister, with the same OB, because he decided to stick a fetal scalp monitor in her head, freaked her out, made her move up out of the birth canal, my moms cervix closed immediately, and my sister crushed her own umbilical cord, resulting in fetal distress and the cesarean. And she was being induced because of GD and a *big* baby-who was exactly 7 pounds at 41 weeks. Yep, 7 pounds. And she still sees this as being all ok, all necessary, and the OB being the hero.

Even after seeing me deliver my other kids with no interventions and with no problems, she still doesn't get it. Maybe he won't either-but imagine if you deliver a 9 pound baby vaginally with no problems this time...maybe he'll finally get it. Maybe.

Has he ever seen a non-surgical birth? Or a homebirth? Does he know the risks with subsequent cesareans? Does he know how much benefit the baby gets from labor? I'm glad he's supportive but he doesn't really seem to get it. My fiance doesn't get the emotional aspect of it I don't think, but he does get the physical side of it. The risks to me and baby and the recovery time are huge factors in his being very supportive. I mean, I'm the kind of mama who delivers a baby and then is walking around the mall a few hours later! With my cesarean, I was in the hospital for 4 days, in horrible pain for a couple of weeks, and still even now have scar pain and numbness.

[kltroy]

Yeah everything everyone else said. Go with your gut. It sounds like this isn't a good fit for you. Not to mention, I found w/ my VBAC that the *last* thing I wanted to do was repeat any part of what I thought lead up to my c/s. That included going to the same midwives, the same hospital, etc etc. A change of scenery was just what I needed. I'm sure your family can understand that can't they? Even if they don't right now, they'll probably be perfectly happy as long as you are with someone they feel good about.