Need Calming Ideas

[crazylady]

I have a great lil guy! He is the best! I love him in every way! BUT.....
We are having the hardest time and I am feeling like I am going to lose it. DS is 3.5 and throws some of the biggest tantrums ever but they aren't like regular ones. These almost seem like he is overwhelmed with everything. I can see how a lil guy would feel this way but it comes at strange times, like when he wakes up from a nap. Today it happened and I couldn't take it. He was crying, rolling on the ground. He is inconsolable but doesn't want space but doesn't want you around. I tried to just sit with him and let him work it out/ wake up. Didn't want me to touch him. I tried to give him space. That really upset him. I know that this isn't abnormal in kids but I need to know some suggestions for how to make it better for him, me & the rest of the family. He also has issues with the potty. Will NOT poop in the potty. I guess I tonight is one of those days!!!! I really could use some new suggestions, please, please, please!

[becoming]

I have one suggestion. Make sure he is not going to sleep on an empty stomach. I have noticed that my youngest (and my oldest, too, when he was that age) is much like you described your son on waking from a nap, but usually only when he wakes up hungry. Of course, when he wakes up, he won't eat because he's so inconsolable, so I've started making sure he gets something to eat around the time I know he's going to be getting sleepy. For example, he usually falls asleep on weekday afternoons when we go to pick my oldest up from school, so I make sure he has a snack (usually grapes/raisins & pretzels with a juice box or milk) just before we get in the car. I've also noticed that it helps minimize his melt-downs in general if he eats several times throughout the day rather than just at mealtime. Hope this helps you.

[babeak]

We had this happen to us about 1.5 weeks ago. The WORST tantrums immediately upon waking. Food was not an issue as she always takes a nap right after we eat. On the day of her worst, I just knew that if I could change her scenery and get in the car it would be better. I was trying to go to the store. So getting out of the house was not a pretty scene. However, we talked, had a snack and then made a mad dash for the car after we were bundled. Then everything was better.

This passed for us within a few days thank goodness.

How long has this been going on?

Pooping in the pants or diaper? If he will not poop in the potty, one suggestion I made to someone else that seemed to work is to make a set of diapers together that have a series of holes progressively larger holes in them. Get rid of the remaining ones and then when the last one is used, he in theory would be able to poop on the potty. Of course, set him on the potty while he goes in his diaper each time....kind of a weaning to just going on the potty. Is this a sitting down vs. standing issue as well?

[crazylady]

He is constantly hungry so I will have to start making sure he eats before he naps! I do know that he does better when he eats several times a day rather than just meals. He also does better when we get out at least once a day. It doesn't matter if we just go around the block, we just need to get out!
The potty stuff drives us crazy. I somewhat think that he still doesn't know when he needs to go. But then I think yes he does. He goes in his undies. We have tried to just give him his diapers back but he resists. He thinks diapers are for babies, we have a 8 month old too, and that if he has to wear them he has failed in a way. I hate that he feels this way. I have tried to let him know that no matter what it is all a process and we are learning.

[babeak]

I think that being honest and that this is a process is really important. I don' t have any other suggestions on that front. We started Elimination communication at birth and it has been a gradual no-fight progression to potty independence. I read lots of other boards though and have not seen postings where DC is in regular underpants, but still won't go on the potty.


Have you tried the potty training thread here at MDC?

[_betsy_]

This probably won't really help, but may give you hope! For pooping on the potty, one day, it just clicked for DD1. No idea what we did/said, or if it wasn't anything we did/said. I think once we backed off completely on it, and just told her if she wasn't going to poop in the potty, she needed to poop in a diaper, she did what she needed to do. She was great about asking for a diaper, though, it was her preferred elimination location.

Is he using a potty chair, or the toilet? What's the set up? Cause DD1 didn't even want to try pooping out of a diaper until she was using the regular toilet, no ring, no step stool/footrest, no little potty.

Also, what I think really helped was having her 6 year old female cousin tell her she was big enough to do it (I swear, I didn't tell the cousin to say that!) AND knowing her BFF was able to do it on the toilet.

She also does the crazy tantrum thing upon waking from a nap sometimes. It's worse if she wakes up and just DH is home (even if that's how it was when she went to sleep), not me. And most times she's fine when she wakes. I think it has more to do with her natural sleep cycle getting messed up, or her being awakened mid-sleep-cycle, that does it more than anything, and I can't really control that.

It seems to help DD when I tell her something like "You're still sort of asleep, and that's OK. You got scared, and that's OK. You're OK now, Mama's here, we're all OK." Something like that in a calm, even voice.

[crazylady]

We have both the little potties and the regular toilet. He wants to use the regular one most of the time. I have just been following his lead and let him use whichever one works for him. Today unfortunately I lost it! He pooped his pants and I told him, not so calmly, that if he can't go in the potty then he needs to in a diaper. The rest of the day he has been in a diaper. I don't know maybe I have screwed up!
As far as the tantrums go, nothing seems to work. I always try to speak calm but that seems to make him mad. I am at a breaking point. I feel I am fighting a losing battle!

[jilly]

My ds1 used to do this. I stopped putting him down for naps. It was becoming more of a hassle to spend 30 min getting him to sleep and then 30 min to calm him down after his nap than it was to let him sleep. I remember a particularly terrible day when we were invited to someone's house for Christmas dinner and I had to wake him up to go and he was having a meltdown at their house and dinner was getting cold and we kind of ruined the whole party. Last time we were invited for a special occasion. We started just doing quiet time (listening to stories on cd and having a snack and a sit down) instead of actually sleeping. It still gave him some down time, but without the big scream for all of us to deal with.

Also, if he is melting down a lot at other times, try getting him doing some sensory activities during the day -- playing in water, sand, rice, playdoh, fingerpaint, whatever you can think of. My guy gets really easily over-stimulated because he takes in more of what is going on around him than other people. The sensory activities help him release the tension that builds up from too many images and sounds swirling in his head.

And definitely make sure he is eating regularly. And the potty thing is probably part of it, too. At 5, my ds almost always gets really aggressive and violent and has a freak out, and then I send him to his room and about 10 seconds later he realizes he has to go pee, goes, and comes back out fine. I wish he could just figure it out and go to the bathroom already. It would save our whole family so much grief.

[_betsy_]

If everything you try to do during a tantrum makes it worse, then stop. Leave him alone. Say something like "OK, you need some space, I'll be right over here." Read a magazine. Act like you're waiting for the bus. Whatever. Don't engage, and let him have it out. I wonder if maybe you're inadvertantly making it worse. With DD1, DH definitely makes it worse when he tries to intervene and help her.

[crazylady]

The sensory activities always help but I never think of it before hand. Thanks! He LOVES play dough. Well the past couple of days have been better! Hopefully the days of it happening everyday are over! Thank you guys for helping.

[webjefita]

You might want to check out Raising Your Spirited Child. A lifesaver. I have one spirited, possibly two (baby). Great discussion of tantrums in there. GL!