What is on your partner's TO-DO list for the birth?

[nummies]

Ok mamas, my hubby is a wonderful and great man. But he does need a little direction under times of stress. Our last birth he just kinda went blank on me, so we have been working through that. He requested a TO-DO list for this time (he likes to have things written down for him to follow).

I've included some things about how to prepare the birth room (living room) and how to set up the birth pool, etc. I've also included some reminders about hypnobabies from our practice sessions.

What is on your DH's list? I know a lot of people don't really do this kind of thing and their partner just knows what to do, so I am looking for responses from people who have partners like mine.

[~Kristina~]

My dh doesn't exist while I'm in labor. So he cleans up the house and finishes things we didn't get done, checks on me without checking with me. lol He just kind of hangs back until the pushing stage.

[Casha'sMommy]

Until recently, dh has had to do lists that consisted of things like cleaning out the dryer vent. This week he's to get the Christmas decorations from storage in the garage, clean the dogs crate and put it in the back bedroom (just in case we need it, our dog is old and crotchety and we don't want to take any chances), move birth supplies to our closet for easy access, and come up with three crock pot meals he'd like to make after baby's arrival so I can stock the ingredients for him.
For birth, he's the coach and support for me but he'll have jobs to do before we're in the thick of things.
For example, if the good sheets are on the bed he's to wash them and get them back on the bed then our two layers of covers and birth sheets, get birth supplies out and ready for use, get hot water pot ready for tea and coffee ground and ready to brew, set out birth team snacks and drinks as well as mine. I'm sure I'll add more but that's what I've got right now.
GL!

[Belle]

In retrospect I should have prepared a list of things for dh to do while I was in labor. I think he remembered most of the Bradley techniques from the first time around so labor support wasn't a problem for him. I didn't need much other than him to refill my drink and bring me snacks small enough that I could scarf them down between 2 min contractions.

But in his sleep deprived state he could have used some direction. I guess I should have included:
Call your mother and ask her to come over and help you out. (she was a planned support person for Dd1)
Fill up birth pool.
Bring me something to drink and eat. Make sure I have a container available in case I need to hurl.
Make sure towels are handy.
Make coffee.
Put on a couple pots of water in case hot water heater runs out.
Make sure that the birth kit is reachable.
Set up camcorder ON THE TRIPOD. PUSH THE BUTTON that says record. Don't let your technologically challenged mother do it. (we didn't get any video of the birth)
If you get around to it light some unscented candles. Make sure they're in places where they won't catch the house on fire.

[bobandjess99]

The list was simple.
Do whatever I tell you to do. Preferably before I tell you, but the exact instant I tell you will suffice.
Catch the baby.

[S.Elise]

Last time at the birth center, his job was to be the only person I had to talk to, so he did most of the communicating with the midwives, plus ordering our meals and stuff like that. Basically being with me and being my spokesperson.

I liked that so I am trying to translate that to the home setting, plus the fact we'll have a doula this time. Assuming I've got my stuff together beforehand (i.e., fridge stocked, birth pool supplies organized for set-up, music list queued up, homepathic remedies on hand) I guess his job will be to communicate with the midwife and doula.

This sounds a little strange as I am writing it, but somehow it works for me because I don't feel like I have to "manage a staff"...I just have one "butler" who does it for me while I concentrate on laboring.

[ACsMom]

What a great question! Anybody else? My dh is like yours, op - very loving and will do anything for me, but just needs to know what that is!

[AimeeandBrian]

DH is in charge of making phone calls when it's "time." To mw, doula, my friend, and getting DD situated with my parents.

He is in charge of NOT calling ILs until baby is actually here. I don't need them putting me on a timetable.

And double making the bed, cleaning the bathroom and making my tea and emergen-c's for labor.

He is is the host--so he feeds mw and doula and makes sure they are comfortable.

[Tattooed Hand]

I would add to the things people mention above: 1)he makes sure the phone, ipod and camera batteries are charged and, 2) put a couple of tupperwares of frozen food in the fridge to defrost.

[greenthumb3]

Well, his job last time was to remind me to drink and to fix me my special raspberry tea cocktails, , no, really, just RRL and water...and my vitamin water.

Also, he serves as my "other" memory...I took him along to the midwife and mentioned to her some of my labor preferences including hot washcloth compresses during crowning and oil on my perineum. His job is to remember this and show her where stuff is, which he usu. does a pretty good job of.

And he is my emotional rock, so that's also on "his list", to be himself and I get to hug him, ask him for kisses, and rely on him when I need to.

Oh, yes, and he is to "protect the space"; he knows I only want him and the mw there with our kids if they want to be there, and if anyone else shows up, he is da bouncer to send 'em away and keep our home private!! We have loads of family around, so this is key. (I'll probably just turn off the phone when I am in labor)

Have you asked your DH to do something specific? Sometimes it helps that anyone attending the birth has a job to do, assigned before labor is intense. I know I appreciate it when a laboring Mom has already asked me to be in charge of something so I know I am being useful to her the way she wants. (helped with my sister's births)

Oh, yeah, and have a camera there for pics.

[nummies]

Thanks everyone for the thoughts! There are a couple things from this thead that I hadn't thought of.

[OTMomma]

My dh is like your's OP- my first birth I didn't make a list- with #2 and #3 I did- and it was the best thing I did. DH did much better. Above is most of my list but I also put on it-
Make me laugh
Kiss me
Tell me how great I'm doing
Get me drinks and snacks
fill the birth tub
Hold me from behind while I push (I really liked that and had thought hard about how I wanted to birth that way- in his arms)

[hac1224]

Originally Posted by ACsMom

What a great question! Anybody else? My dh is like yours, op - very loving and will do anything for me, but just needs to know what that is!

Mine, too! Glad someone brought this up! This will be our first homebirth (4th baby), I normally labor & birth quickly, and the MWs are both 45 minutes away. I need to make a list now so I won't have to worry about thinking straight when in labor. I know where everything is, but I need to be sure he does, too. Hoping to inflate the pool in a week since I'll probably deliver in two weeks or less. I also need to be sure I have the MW's # posted in more than one spot and in my purse in case my wter breaks when I'm not home.