Oh Mamas I need your help!

[Agatha_Ann]

My youngest child is 10 mo and he is a pretty great kiddo, but I am at a loss on how to handle his frustration outlet! I am a home daycare provider and I have anywhere from 3-6 kids a day plus my 4. There is one little girl who is 7 mo and has this beautiful hair that actually goes down her back. She is very passive and sensitive. Now my DS, whenever he gets frustrated will pull her hair- and HARD! It started a couple weeks ago and it was mainly when she was in his space or grabbing a toy from him. Now he will actually *seek her out* to pull her hair when he is frustrated, regardless of whether or not it has anything to do with her!

So I feel awful for this sweet baby who is getting beat up all day, but I don't know how to stop it! I take his hands and tell him "Ouch! That hurts her!" and sometimes I remove him or pick her up. Sometimes I have him show her a soft touch with me helping, but I don't always feel that is appropriate. I don't know if *she* wants a soft touch from him, and I don't wamt to put in in the crosshairs of his not so soft touches either.

So mostly I am trying to prevent it, but they both want to be by me most of the time and so its not possible all the time, especially with so many other children to tend to.

Please help me mamas, I know he doesn't have the tools or maturity to deal with his frustration, but this poor little girl! I'm trying to be sympathetic on both ends, but I am finding myself being less and less gentle with him and it breaks my heart!

[Agatha_Ann]

I thought I should add too that I have this little girl 70 hours a week, so she is really almost like a sibling to him rather than one of my daycare kids that he sees 4-8 hours a day.

[Llyra]

Frankly, that sounds like an awful lot of kids-- am I right from what you say that it is sometimes as many as ten children? Do you have another adult to help you? That sounds overwhelming.

I think the only thing to do is to keep them separated, and that may be very hard when there are so many demands on your time and attention. A child ten months old hasn't got the impulse control to stop a behavior like that-- you have to be there to physically prevent it from happening, every single time. Over time, with patience and consistency, the messages about being gentle, about how pulling hair hurts, and about how it's not nice to hurt people, will sink in. But it takes time.

Why not start by putting a hat on the little girl? A cute bonnet with a velcro chin strap, something full-cut enough to really cover her head, and you can tuck her hair up inside of it. That might be enough to slow your DS down until you can be there to prevent him from pulling.

[becoming]

It sounds to me like this is attention-seeking behavior. I agree with the PP who said maybe you are trying to do too much/take care of too many children at once. I would really emphasize gentle touching of hair. I would also make an effort to focus as much attention as you can on your 10-month-old when this behavior begins.

[Agatha_Ann]

It is a lot of children! I have the day scheduled really nice though so it doesn't seem so bad. The babies take 2 naps during which I do structured activities with the bigger kids. Then the big kids have more free play while the babies are awake. We do mealtimes all together and we go for walks and have outside time all together. I have 2 school age kids myself and one school age daycare child. Then a lot of them are part time too so I don't have that many kids all day but there is an overlap now and then.

I think a bonnet is a great idea! I will definitely try that. I tried putting it in a ponytail but that just gave him a better target!

I have never had a child who has been this difficult to teach to be gentle! My others have all been so easy its just throwing me for a loop!