Toddler seems ready for own space -- okay to keep her bed in the room?

[ceeveg]

DD has slept in our bed since the beginning, but now that she is in daycare, she has gravitated toward sleeping in her own bed. In fact, she seems to prefer sleeping on her previously unused crib mattress on the floor.

We found a low platform bed for her, and cleared out our room to create a space for the bed.

Several friends and family members have said that this is a bad idea, and that she truly needs her own room (they also advised against sharing a family bed, too, however).

Will this be a difficult transition for her? Will she be unable to sleep in a separate bed in our room? Any stories or suggestions?

[Thinking Mama]

Doesn't seem like a bad idea at all, in fact, I'm about to do the same thing with my son. Seems like kids know what they need, and when your daughter needs her own space, she'll let you know, just like she did with the sleeping space.

[ACsMom]

Our 3.5 y/o sleeps in her own bed in our room. It's an arrangement we've had for a long time now...since she was about 18 months old. It was somehow a natural transition a few months after she night-weaned. She weaned completely about a year ago, but we kept the sleeping arrangement because it makes everyone happy. She does have her own room, with a toddler bed, and a couple times we've tried having her sleep in there (mostly because we thought we "should"). She sometimes will chose to start off the night in there, but inevitably she wakes up crying in the middle of the night and comes back into our room. In our room she sleeps peacefully through the whole night, with few exceptions. I trust that when she is ready for her own room she'll make the transition on her own. That's the way it happened with weaning, that's the way it happened with potty training. It's all very smooth and seamless when she's allowed to decide when she's ready for the next stage of independence. I've learned to let go of my own expectations and especially others' expectations!

So....I don't think it's a bad idea at all! No one else can decide for her when she "needs" her own room. Besides, just because she wants to be in her own bed now doesn't mean you have to make her stay there - she might decide to get back into your bed at some point, or maybe go back and forth for a while. What you've done is made a new arrangement available to her, based on what she seems to be wanting right now. That's good parenting in my book!

[ceeveg]

Ahh, I feel so much better. Thank you so much. I am very grateful for your comments!

[ceeveg]

First night -- she slept in her bed from 9pm to almost 2:30 am, then got into our bed until 5:30 (since the time change, she's had a hard time making it past 5am). She woke at 11:30 and slept really fitfully until 12:30, but then slept really well until 2:30 when she rolled off of her mattress. She was prepared to sleep on the floor, but I picked her up and took her into our bed

[sdbeachy]

This (separate bed in your room) sounds like a wonderfully gentle way to parent your daughter. I agree with what ACsMom says. I don't know how old your DD is, but I like the option of having her own room once she's old enough and letting her choose where she sleeps once she's able to express her preference.

When my baby brother was born, my 2 year old sister slept on a mattress pushed against my parents' bed (also on the floor). When she was 3 she asked for her own room.

No, you don't have to worry about your child being "unable to sleep in a separate room" just because they sleep with you now, no matter what people say. That seems as silly to me as saying a baby will be unable to walk someday because you carry them now. They're babies! They're supposed to be carried and nursed and sleep with you and be comforted, and they will eventually wean and sleep without their parents and regulate their emotions just like they will eventually walk*, IN THIER OWN TIME WITHOUT BEING PUSHED.

Sorry for the rant. You're being great parents listening to your daughter and responding to her needs.

*I am speaking of a typically developing child here. I am aware of and respect those who will always need help to eat, sleep, regulate their emotions, and be mobile.

[Blueone]

Originally Posted by sdbeachy

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No, you don't have to worry about your child being "unable to sleep in a separate room" just because they sleep with you now, no matter what people say. That seems as silly to me as saying a baby will be unable to walk someday because you carry them now. They're babies! They're supposed to be carried and nursed and sleep with you and be comforted, and they will eventually wean and sleep without their parents and regulate their emotions just like they will eventually walk*, IN THIER OWN TIME WITHOUT BEING PUSHED.

Sorry for the rant. You're being great parents listening to your daughter and responding to her needs.

*I am speaking of a typically developing child here. I am aware of and respect those who will always need help to eat, sleep, regulate their emotions, and be mobile.

That's a very true bit. I've been struggling with whether or not to put my son in his crib over night because I know he sleeps better with me, but I felt like he ought to be able to sleep in his own room already (4 months). I was also worried that if I delayed it he'd never be able to sleep on his own. So yeah...that's a very good point. Society really pushes independence.

[ceeveg]

Thank you again for such supportive comments. I was feeling so nervous about some comments my family members had made, such as it would be confusing to her if she was allowed to come back into our bed, and that she'd never be able to sleep in her own bed if we kept allowing her into ours.

It is very good to hear that it's an organic process, and that I won't be stunting her to allow her the choice. I really felt like I was having to make a decision - her bed or ours, and now I see that she can transition between both.

Thank you again

[ceeveg]

The past two nights, she slept until waking (Tuesday) for the morning, and then last night she slept until an hour before getting up in her own bed, and then slept with me in the bed for the last hour before getting up