This is a big part of why I no longer have a relationship with my mom. It's one thing to ignore me but don't ignore my kids.
I found myself constantly pushing my kids on her. She would hold them for a minute or two, only after I picked the child up and put him on her lap
so it would've been rude for her not to. She'd do the whole baby-talk thing with them, and then put them down. She didn't care about their milestones, she never asked about them, fawned over them, boasted about them, or wanted to babysit them.
Philosophically, she professed to believe in AP, but the one
time I got her to babysit for me, she let my baby cry it out alone in a crib!!! She let him cry for 45 minutes when she could easily have just called
me, and when holding him and walking him around didn't help, she just put him in the crib to cry!
He wasn't quite himself for a couple days after that.
Anyway. My dad. (My parents are divorced.) My dad is more affectionate towards the kids and totally wants to play with them and stuff when they are there in person
, but we only see him about once a year or so, since he lives on the other side of the country, and he makes no effort to develop a relationship with them otherwise. Also he doesn't send them cards or anything. He sends money for Christmas, which is sweet-- I buy something for them and make sure to make a point that it is from Grandpa. I like to think that he would have more of a relationship with them if we lived closer, or if they were older. I don't know though.
My dad's mom, my grandma, totally loves the kids though, and dotes on them. That's nice.
And luckily, my MIL and FIL are totally doting on the kids. They buy them stuff all the time just because they love them and saw it and wanted to spoil them-- even though they don't have much money. I roll my eyes but I love it, too. They are proud of all of their grandkids equally and their various personalities and abilities. They really love the kids and love to babysit, even though it's kind of inconvenient for them, what with my MIL's disability.
It just hurts the most that my mom seems like she could hardly care less about my children.
It's seems to be an extension of how she feels about me. Just cold and unaffected, unmoved.
Hugs to everyone!