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facebook "friend" comment made me sad...and angry - Page 2

post #21 of 44
I really sympathize--it is terrible to think that so many people do that to their kids (one of my sisters included--as her husband told me, not for philosophical reasons, but out of "laziness"). I have really had my challenges with sleep issues (for some reason it really pushes my buttons), but it is hard to imagine gleefully leaving the child sobbing...anyway, I don't know if I am allowed to ask, but can you tell me where I can find some of those studies about changes in brain chemistry? I would like to have some backup!

BTW, I like the idea about hiding the status updates and posting really positive stuff and updates on your page about co sleeping.
post #22 of 44
I have a friend on FB who was trying to get her 3 mo to sleep in his crib. She posted several times about the crying and how it was so hard on her and him and that she hated it. She got so many repsonses from people saying, "2thumbs up for ferberizing" and "oh, stick with it-he'll get used to it" or don't worry, he'll be fine-mine cried for 2 hours everyday for a week and then it was great". YUCK.

I finally couldn't take it and posted something like "Go with your gut on this one. It's too soon. He's little and it's hard for him to sleep alone. If he's crying, it's because he needs you."

She came back and responded that yes, it was too hard and she was going to keeping sleeping with him. I think she was relieved to have someone actually validate how she was feeling. It was so ingrained in her that she had to get him in his own crib or let him CIO that he really appreciated hearing that it ok that he didn't.

Anyway, sometimes our comments do get through.
post #23 of 44
I would take her off my friends list or at the very least hide her updates.

On another note...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ahappymel View Post
She says she's a vegetarian but she posts about getting drunk.
What does being vegetarian have to do with drinking?
post #24 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by em123 View Post
I would take her off my friends list or at the very least hide her updates.

On another note...



What does being vegetarian have to do with drinking?

yeah, that is something I've never heard! I know plenty of vegetarians that drink, smoke pot even, etc. Most are vegetarians for ethical reasons, some purely environmental (I'm not vegetarian, but eat very little meat due to just wanting to eat locally/friendly - I do eat meat from local farms when I do eat it) No one I know is vegetarian for health reasons, actually.
post #25 of 44
I think the OP brought up drinking with vegetarianism based on the idea of treating your body as a temple, and so found it ironic that someone would not eat mean to respect the temple and keep the body healthy, but then would "defile" it with alcohol, so to speak.
post #26 of 44
im a little too outspoken most days... but I would comment, "you let your kid cry until he puked? that is terrible! how would you like it if someone let you cry for help so hysterically that you puked? thats not even right."

and then continue fighting with them until they unfriended me :P

but... CIO- especially in this form is neglect... no way around that tidbit.
post #27 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamatoablessing View Post
I have a friend on FB who was trying to get her 3 mo to sleep in his crib. She posted several times about the crying and how it was so hard on her and him and that she hated it. She got so many repsonses from people saying, "2thumbs up for ferberizing" and "oh, stick with it-he'll get used to it" or don't worry, he'll be fine-mine cried for 2 hours everyday for a week and then it was great". YUCK.

I finally couldn't take it and posted something like "Go with your gut on this one. It's too soon. He's little and it's hard for him to sleep alone. If he's crying, it's because he needs you."

She came back and responded that yes, it was too hard and she was going to keeping sleeping with him. I think she was relieved to have someone actually validate how she was feeling. It was so ingrained in her that she had to get him in his own crib or let him CIO that he really appreciated hearing that it ok that he didn't.

Anyway, sometimes our comments do get through.


I have done this a lot. I have friends from another more mainstream board and a lot of them practice CIO. Someone posted a message about Ferber and they're going to try it out. I responded, with as much empathy as possible, that I wasn't a fan of Ferber and that she might want to read No Cry Sleep Solution and "Why We Love'. Another member had a few weeks ago said something about not being able to let her ds cry it out, and I supported her and told her to follow her heart, and wonderfully she followed up my comment to this other woman by saying she wasn't a fan, either, and that NCSS had been helpful to her. But it's HEARTBREAKING I don't know what's up with people.
post #28 of 44
like if I said, I let my kid get so dirty that they get a rash so they learn to stay clean.

cps woudl get called sooooo soon.
post #29 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by tallulahma View Post
im a little too outspoken most days... but I would comment, "you let your kid cry until he puked? that is terrible! how would you like it if someone let you cry for help so hysterically that you puked? thats not even right."

and then continue fighting with them until they unfriended me :P

but... CIO- especially in this form is neglect... no way around that tidbit.
perfect!!
post #30 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaterPrimaePuellae View Post
I would post, "I agree with Friend #2," which is good in that shows support for someone who has already been brave. I kindof figure if people are posting things like that on facebook, they deserve whatever flak comes to them.
This is also what I would do. A lot of parents I know are also in the CIO camp, it can only change if new parents and parents to be be hear from the other side.

Carma
post #31 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by smeisnotapirate View Post
I often wonder what those women think breasts were made for? Dangly sex toys?


bahaha! Oh I so needed this! You don't even understand!
post #32 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by MommaKitten21 View Post
bahaha! Oh I so needed this! You don't even understand!
Made me laugh too!

What I don't understand is what women think when they give birth and then their breasts make milk. OMG how are those sex objects producing baby food? How un-sexy!

About the original topic...since she's not a real friend (someone you are close to/see often) I would be tempted to post something like, "This makes me so sad to read! My baby is soft and squishy and built for snuggling, and I'm soaking up every second of it!"
post #33 of 44
I also wanted to say that I don't get why parents feel their job ends as soon as bedtime arrives. Parenting is not a job you "clock out" from so if you LO needs you at night as well as during the day, then its your responsibility as a parent to get off you a** and help you child. They have the rest of their lives to be independent. They don't need ot be at a few months old.

IMO, people have started to treat parenting like weight loss. They want a quick, easy solution, no once wants to put forth any effort anymore.
post #34 of 44
omg that poor baby that made me want to puke, how could you just leave a baby screaming, especially to leave them to get in so much of a state that they throw up
post #35 of 44
That made me sad too. I couldn't ever let my son do that. Sure he gets fussy and sometimes he fusses a bit before I get there or doesn't realize that what he wants is right in front of him (usually food), but it's nothing I ignore and sometimes if nothing works I just hold him and walk around. But I could NEVER leave him alone.

I liked some of the suggestions about comments on on her status, but if that didn't work I'd probably have to delete her as a friend because it would upset me too much.
post #36 of 44
I'd just defriend her. If she gets huffy about it, tell her why.
post #37 of 44
I like to start FB fights, so i would say something although, i know that it would do no reals good.
First i would post a bunch of links that show how much she is harming her baby. And then second, i would tend to post something like "people let their cats in their bedroom, the dog on their bed, there husband does not sleep alone, but the MOST vulnerable member of their famiy is down the hall crying alone...wow how awesome, umm not"

Not contructive i suppose, but then again get my point across, and most FB "friends" are not real friends anyway, and as PP said, there is nothing that you can really do.
That poor poor baby.
post #38 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by larzanna View Post
"people let their cats in their bedroom, the dog on their bed, there husband does not sleep alone, but the MOST vulnerable member of their famiy is down the hall crying alone...wow how awesome, umm not"
Man, I wish I had the guts to post that!
post #39 of 44
I had a really good friend post once about how she hated doing CIO. She got all sorts of responses about how she had to do it, it was the only way, her baby would learn, etc. Probably 15 comments in support of CIO.

I posted "I'll be the odd mom out. Cry it out is not the only way. If cry it out makes you uncomfortable, it's because God gave you those instincts for a reason. It's okay to bring your baby to bed with you."

She sent me a nice message about how she felt that the baby should be in a crib, but that they were trying to find a happy medium and were abandoning CIO. I'm glad that I had to guts to say something (although I hope there was someone else in her life who did the same).
post #40 of 44
how very sad. i have a friend who is expecting a baby in may - she is the oldest of an eight-kid AP family, and her husband is an only child whose mother would lock him in his room and let him CIO until he vomited - until he was three years old and finally got the point. he has horrible memories even today, and they are going to co-sleep and AP their baby.
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Mothering › Mothering Forums › Baby › Co-sleeping and the Family Bed › facebook "friend" comment made me sad...and angry