Don't Know what to Do

[Blueone]

I've been going back and forth between continuing to co sleep and putting him in his own bed. I had never intended on co sleeping, but after bringing him into my bed we both got more sleep. He's currently 4 months.

My fear though is that if I continue to co sleep that we'll have really big sleep issues when he gets older. My friend co slept with her boys for only a few months and told me that her SIL co slept until her kids were 3 and has the hardest time getting them to sleep and that she has to lay with them on their bed for over an hour until they're asleep. Where as my friend can put them down and they'll go sleep by them self just fine.

I also really don't want to co sleep until he's 2. I just don't want to. I know lots of others here do that, but it's something that right now, I don't see myself doing. I may change my mind though like I did with co sleeping.

So any advice? Any one who slept but can now put their toddler down just fine with out drama?

[Blueone]

So no one has any thoughts on this? No stories at all to share of co sleeping for a long time but their toddler being fine when they go to their own bed? I've read a few, but no one had any transition stories.

[locksmama]

My daughter slept with us until she was about 16 months. We had tried moving her prior to but my gut and mommy intuition along with her response said not yet. So we transitioned her to her bed and she nightweaned at about the same time. My dh would go into her when she would wake (she was used to me nursing her to sleep) and eventually she got used to it. She just slept better on her own and at that point so did mommy. It took awhile for her to sleep through the night, but it DID happen. We really just let her grow into it and followed her cues really. Sometimes you do have to do what is best for you as a parent too and just try to help them to cope with your decision. There was a time there when we would put her down for bed(after the new baby was born) and she would keep getting up. Ijust kissed her and told her that every time she got up I would put her back in her bed. This lasted about 15 mins of silently putting her back with a kiss and then it all went back to normal.
Some kids sleep better or ok with parents and transition easily, others are more needy and really need the attention, others have to be guided to what they really need and want, and still others are awesome self-soothers and can sleep great on their own. You just have to take it a step at a time and don't think EVERYTHING you do will be a forever habit.
I'm going through similar questions now with my second but Im being gentle and trying to see what gets us the most sleep. I know when they are babies they just really crave that contact and warmth and really they are only so little for so long... It is hard, it really is. The whole sleep thing with kids is the most debated and contested and confusing issue for parents.

[Blueone]

Thank you so much. I kept thinking that, but a lot of my friends are main stream parenting. I don't feel it's right yet. He does fine in his crib for naps, but at night he always wakes up part way through fussing and will wake up at least 2 times for his paci when he's not with me. However, when we co sleep he sleeps through the night and I don't have to wake up lots to give him his paci. So I think we'll just stick to this for now.

[justKate]

I read your post earlier but didn't respond, because I'm sort of wondering the same thing. DD is 9 mos. and will not sleep unless touching me for more than 10 minutes. Sometimes I feel like I've created this monster, but I can't imagine putting her in a crib right now when mama and "Bada" get to sleep together. That's not fair, you know?

So I don't want to do it forever, but for now we're taking baby steps--getting her to resettle without nursing is Step 1. It hasn't happened yet. I'm trying to do what is best for us NOW and not worry about months from now. I guess when the time comes I'll do what's best for us then...

Good luck with your decision.

ETA: I also didn't respond because I have no idea! But I am

[Blueone]

Originally Posted by justKate

I read your post earlier but didn't respond, because I'm sort of wondering the same thing. DD is 9 mos. and will not sleep unless touching me for more than 10 minutes. Sometimes I feel like I've created this monster, but I can't imagine putting her in a crib right now when mama and "Bada" get to sleep together. That's not fair, you know?

So I don't want to do it forever, but for now we're taking baby steps--getting her to resettle without nursing is Step 1. It hasn't happened yet. I'm trying to do what is best for us NOW and not worry about months from now. I guess when the time comes I'll do what's best for us then...

Good luck with your decision.

ETA: I also didn't respond because I have no idea! But I am

That's hard. I had planned on starting around 5 months, but now I'm thinking maybe a year. Luckily my son doesn't have to touch me the whole night. He may wiggle really close, but I can scoot away or scoot him away. I heard 9 months is a major growth spurt though, so maybe that's why she has touch you. My son gets clingy during growth spurts, really clingy. Have you tried a crib for naps? That's the only time he sleeps in his.

[MamaStarbird]

DD is 16 months and we started transitioning her into her own bed last week. The first night she stirred or cried every hour and DH would immediately soothe her and get her back to sleep. Every night she slept longer stretches on her own and last night she slept through the night in her own room from 8:30 pm to 6:00 am entirely on her own. Maybe she'll never do it again but we know she can do it, without conflict or a power struggle or leaving her alone to cry, and she's welcome to come back to our bed any night that she feels like it.

The big reason to move her was that I'm 20 weeks pregnant and starting to get uncomfortable in bed, plus we weren't excited about co-sleeping with two kiddos in the bed. But she was showing plenty of signs of readiness--nursing less at night, rolling away from me in her sleep instead of cuddling all night, having her sleep interrupted when one of us shifted position.

Until last week I also laid down with her, usually while nursing her, for every single one of her naps. She's transitioned totally fine to napping in her own room, too, and that worked right from day one; she was clearly ready for the transition. We wouldn't have moved her otherwise.

People who are happy with their co-sleeping arrangements aren't necessarily going to be talking about it to their mainstream friends, and horror stories are a lot more interesting than a simple "We love co-sleeping!" To stop doing something you and your baby love because of second-hand stories about other people's families seems like a shame.

One last thought: I personally know a lot of very mainstream families who kind of 'fell into' co-sleeping because of the convenience of it and they are often the ones I hear complaining about still struggling to get their four-year-olds to sleep in their own beds or saying ominously, "We didn't make that mistake with our second kid." These are people who went into co-sleeping feeling like they were doing something wrong or bad. There's a big difference between going into co-sleeeping feeling conflicted, guilty, or manipulated and going into it with love and respect as part of a general AP mindset. That the former often leads to years of power struggles and frustrated parents (and presumably children) doesn't surprise me much.

Which I guess is just a long-winded way of saying: ignore horror stories from people who parent differently from you and look for kind advice from people who share your parenting philosophy. Good luck!

[Llyra]

Originally Posted by Blueone

So no one has any thoughts on this? No stories at all to share of co sleeping for a long time but their toddler being fine when they go to their own bed? I've read a few, but no one had any transition stories.

I coslept with each of my kids for about a year. I seem to have a tolerance of about that long for sharing my sleeping space. We managed to make the transition easily enough, and my kids now fall asleep on their own, in their own room. It was a slow, gradual transition, in each case. I moved DD1 at 15 months, DS at 12 months, and DD2 at 10 months. We started with a sidecar crib, then to a crib across the room, and then to a crib in their own room, with a mattress on the floor for me to sleep in there if necessary. It took time-- in DD1's case, we started the change at 10 months, and didn't take the last step until 15 months. But it was fairly painless.

I would do what feels right to you, and let the "what ifs" take care of themselves. You'll know when it's time to start to make the change-- when the situation as it stands is no longer working. If it's working fine, then keep it up. Once you reach the point where it isn't working, you can consider then what to do.

[Eclaire]

I am co-sleeping with my third child and I know that each one is different. My son is 10 and I know how fast the time goes by. In 10 years you will not care that you had a baby in your bed for 3 years. You will miss it!
That being said, I understand what you are milling over in your head. My 1st child was easy to get into his own bed. The second was HARD! She took over our home for bedtime for years. It was tough at the time but now that she is 5 and is in bed right now with no problem I know that it was a small amount of our life and energy in the grand scheme.
So now I have a 6 month who has no real schedule for napping. I do put her in the crib when she falls asleep if we are at home. When she wakes up at night I put her in bed with me. I know she wakes more at night when she sleeps with me but I have done the research on SIDS and sleeping habits worldwide and I know this is the best thing for my child.
Dr. Jay Gordon has a plan for night weaning you baby at 1 year and I think once that is done transitioning to their own bed would be the next step.
Of course, each child is different and it may not be as smooth as I think it will but that is the fun part of parenting...The unexpected