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Struggling with a decision...advice?

post #1 of 20
Thread Starter 
My SIL is getting married on Nov. 28th & we are supposed to be flying there on Saturday. As my head was hanging over the toilet around midnight as I puked my guts out again, I realized that I just don't think I am up for the plane ride.

No...it is more than not being "up" for the 7 1/2 hour flight, it is the whole entire trip, start to finish. And driving is out of the question as she is on the other side of the country & it would take 3-4 days to get there. And then there is all the food (between Thanksgiving & the wedding)...oh dear, I throw up a bit in my mouth even thinking of the food that will be cooked during that week...

I adore my in-laws and am heartbroken to even think about missing the wedding but feel I am still far too sick to be traveling far from home. I really don't look forward to feeling like this somewhere that isn't my "nest"...throwing up 3-4 times a day in the comfort of my own bathroom has its own benefits, if you know what I mean.

Mr. Amazing Man has to go, no question, as he is walking her down the aisle. He is willing to take the boys with him but feels badly that I will be home alone for nearly two weeks. Am I the world's most horrible SIL if I miss this wedding? Is this constant puking and 26.5 lb weight loss (as of this morning) a reasonable excuse for not making it or am I just being a pregnant, hormonal sissy?
post #2 of 20
what a tough choice. first... do they know that you are expecting? If so why not just tell them, or have dh tell them, that youre not feeling well. Im sure they will understand. Im sure your SIL would be upset if there were a puking pregnant woman in the background of the wedding....or at least if it were my SIL she would be. I say follow your instinct, its there for a reason.
post #3 of 20
I am so sorry that you are so sick! In your position, I don't think I'd want to go either. But being home alone might also not be such a great idea. Do you have friends and family nearby who could check on you while DH and the kids are gone? I'm worried about you being alone and sick, especially with such a significant weight-loss. But no, you are not being a wuss. I think you're totally justified in not wanting to go on this trip.

On a different note, has your OB/MW offerred you an prescription meds to help with the nausea? I think I'd be taking whatever I could get my hands on, Zofran, phenergan, whatever! That amount of weight-loss in pregnancy is just scary.
post #4 of 20
You are not being a wuss, although I'm sure you are hormonal, and that's okay! You're in a very difficult position especially since you'd be alone for so long. If it were me, I think I'd start to feel a bit depressed to be alone that long, but I could see the flip side of feeling depressed being so sick and away from home. How understanding would the family be if you missed? I think that'd factor into my decision; if it's going to affect the relationship in the long-term, I'd be more likely to go. Maybe you could go and "hide out" a lot--stay away from the cooking, etc.

Good luck with your decision.
post #5 of 20


Here's my cautionary tale: I got out of the hospital late last night after being treated for hyperemesis. I have been very sick as well but what sent me over the edge, into the hospital was a trip to Atlanta this past weekend. I couldn't keep anything down, including fluids.

I was so dehydrated when we returned that I had to in for immediate evaluation. I was so out of anything that the ketones (i.e. when your body starts eating your muscle as protein in a desperate attempt for any sustenance) in my body were large and took six bags of fluid to get to "moderate." My veins kept collapsing so I had to have ten IV starts that would not take.

All of that to say: is there any way you can go see your midwife/primary caretaker? I waited too long and played a dear price. I'm now severely anemic, dehydrated, and my blood pressure is not holding steady. I kept setting off the monitors b/c it averaged 70/27 most of the day.

PLEASE listen to your body. I am super reluctant to ever get medical help but am glad I finally broke down and did it. I already feel so much better and DIFFERENT; I am human again.

Here's a website to help you decide:
http://www.hyperemesis.org/hyperemesis-gravidarum/
post #6 of 20
You're not being a baby- you have lost a ton of weight and feel terrible. Stay home. Any SIL worth her salt will understand and wish you only the best!
post #7 of 20
I totally wouldn't fault you for not going. If your SIL doesn't understand now, she may when she gets pregnant herself.

I traveled from ND to FL when I was six weeks pg with DS. I had no morning sickness when I started the vacation, but a week in I was puking a few times a day. The trip back was possibly the longest day of my life -- stopping the car several times on the way to the airport, turbulence on the first flight and more puking, then just white knuckling it through two more flights until I was finally home. I didn't throw up once (that I remember) after I got home, so for me being away from home actually seemed to make the morning sickenss worse. You might take that into account -- any sort of system or schedule you have now to minimize nausea and get through each day may be thrown totally out of whack by the trip.
post #8 of 20
I would really listen to your intuition on this one. It seems like a part of you "knows" whether this is a good idea or not. I had the strange and good fortune of winning a book award right before I got pregnant and a three state book tour was planned for me during weeks 9-12 (12 flights total). Even though it was something I really wanted to do, I had to ask myself truthfully before each trip if I was up to it, if it would really be alright. If I had felt as you described, I would have canceled. I did end up going and taking each trip slowly and cautiously and it was alright, but this is a personal, "what do I know I can handle" decision, and it seems like what you really need after the really challenging first trimester you had is calming, settling and recovery. I hope you get the care and respite your body must really want by now.
post #9 of 20
I agree with the others. Don't feel guilty about staying home. I wasn't very sick in any of my pregnancies and even flew during them (once in the first trimester) but I think you have a very good reason to stay home. And you have a wondewrful husband willing to take your other kids! Do some early nesting!
post #10 of 20
Me personally would not bat an eye to stay home. I would call my family myself though, and explain the large weight loss and exactly how sick I was so they didn't "take anything personal." Perhaps you can travel for a visit when you're feeling better and give some "happy wedding" hugs and presents a little late?

I tend to do other things when I puke due to a weak bladder...I would NOT be up for puking anywhere other than my own home, with my own washer, dryer, shower and change of clothes near by! And doing so 4-5 times a day, even in my own home would pretty much make me a secluded hermit until this phase passed...and anyone who didn't like it could deal!

I'd request a DVD of the service? Hungry Man makes a decent microwavable Thanksgiving Dinner...or some Saltines and Ginger Ale...it may be nice to have the house to yourself for a couple weeks-oh the sleep I would partake in would be scrumptious!

Hope you feel better soon mama, and I'm sorry you are even having to make this decision. I'll second and third everyone else though, follow that intuition-it's there for a reason! Truly and really, and you could probably hear countless stories about it.

Hugs!
post #11 of 20
That's a really rough position to be in.

I'm going to differ with most of the other posters and say that I would go. I'd feel too sad about missing it otherwise. On the other hand, I absolutely wouldn't fault you for staying home and I'm sure that your family would understand.

Seeing your care provider to check in about how you're doing and to discuss your travel concerns if it looks like you're going would be a good idea.
post #12 of 20
Thread Starter 
Wow! Thank you so much for all of the replies, mamas. I really, really appreciate them. This has been such a tough decision for me because I haven't been home for a year and a half and am really missing family. My family lives about 2 hours north of my in-laws and so I would get to see my mom and new-and-improved dad at the same time as well as a pile of my brothers and sisters.

But honestly, my intuition is telling me to stay home and enjoy the peace and quiet for 12 days. Just like Crispie said, "oh the sleep I would partake in would be scrumptious!" And I wouldn't have to worry about feeding small people...I could just lay in bed and nosh on my granny smith apples and snap peas, the only things I can keep down.

To answer a few of the questions: Yes, I have gotten meds from my ObGyn. Zofran takes the edge off but leaves me with a massive 2-3 day long headache. Phenegren (sp?) made me have muscle spasms in my quads and didn't even touch the nausea. I am pretty sensitive to any medications/side effects of any kind but I was hopeful at least one of these meds would help. I have tried acupuncture & it helps a bit for 3-4 hours. What I have found to work the best for me is to lay in bed with the curtains drawn, curled up in the fetal position. And no noise. Even noise makes me toss my cookies!

I think my SIL would be understanding, but I never know with her. Somethings she takes so personally but others she doesn't...who knows. I think if I called her and explained the situation to her personally, she would be understanding. She just had a baby last year and so I think she would be sympathetic. Hmmm...now that I think/write about it more, I am certain she would be. Disappointed but not offended 'specially since her brother can still walk her down the aisle.

And I have wonderful neighbors - I think I have an angel of mercy living next door to me! I have lost track of how many times she has brought us dinner over the last couple of months. She has even cleaned my house for me a couple of weeks ago. Handily enough, she is also a nurse and so she is constantly checking on me to make sure that I am staying hydrated and that my blood pressure isn't too low. The church I belong too also has an amazing woman's organization and I know one phone call to the President would insure that I had people checking on me every day.

Thanks again ladies for helping me clarify things a bit more. It is reassuring to know that I am not just being over-reactionary in this situation. I think honoring my intuition to stay home, as hard as it might be in this case because I am having a major case of homesickness, is the right thing to do.

Smooches and hugs to all of you for your insight and wisdom!
post #13 of 20
I'll also be the odd one out with starkyld and say I would try to go because I would be sad about missing it. I'd talk to my midwife/dr about taking something to help through the flight, and do everything possible to keep hydrated (that to me would be the toughest part, I don't know about you but I tend to get dehydrated on a GOOD day on an airplane). Talk to the airline attendants beforehand, so maybe you can be seated closer to the restroom and in an aisle seat or something.

No one will fault you for laying low for the two weeks you'll be there, you know? (and if they do, too bad )
It's a tough choice to make, I'm sorry you're feeling this bad.
post #14 of 20
Thread Starter 
So here's the update:

I called the docs yesterday because I was feeling pretty crappy. They basically said, "Hie thee to the ER" for rehydration and to discuss possible nutritional supplementation, which I promptly...didn't. I had no one to take care of the kids & Mr. Amazing Man had to work until super late. I just sipped Gatorade all evening long and only threw up once. Fast forward to today: I feel even worse & know I need to get to the ER to be rehydrated but am waiting for Mr. Amazing Man to come home for lunch so I can (a) have the car and (b) tell him where I am going to be. (He can't hear his cell phone while at work on the range).

About the in-laws reaction to my news: My SIL who is getting married is sad about it but totally understands. Her older sis is really upset about it and keeps telling me I just need to take meds and get on the plane. I don't think I have quite conveyed the seriousness of the situation. It isn't just the vomiting & nausea, it is the headaches, the extreme muscle fatigue, the increased & irregular heartbeat, the "brain fog"/confusion, the fainting, the low blood pressure, the serious intolerance of motion, light, and noise as well. I don't think they make a medication for all of that stuff.

On the upside, Mr. Amazing Man is really supportive and my mom set my head straight about things just now. When she found out that I didn't go in last night, she about blew a gasket and reminded me that my "absolute #1 priority for the next 27 weeks is to be ONLY me and this baby. Everyone else is going to have to take a number and get in line and that includes your sister-in-law." She also said, "If this baby were a week old, laying there in bed next to you and the doctor said you had to go in and get an IV infusion to keep you and this baby alive would you go and do it in an instant?" I said the of course I would. She said, "Why is this any different?" Uh....(crickets chirping). Good point mom.

So there it is. Mr. Amazing Man just got home so I guess I will go now.
post #15 of 20
Good luck at the hospital will be thinking of you!!
post #16 of 20
good luck!!! I'll be thinking of you
post #17 of 20
oh mama! I just know you are going to feel amazing when you leave. Tired maybe, but SO much better! REgardless of if they get you on your feet feeling like supermom or not, I still vote to stay home!

Your mom is a wise woman...it made me stop and think too..tell her thanks

Give us a post when you return, your in our thoughts.
post #18 of 20
I wouldn't go. I myself personally am not flying across the country to join most of my family for Thanksgiving because being on a plane right now is just not going to happen, and I'm nowhere near as sick as you are. If your sil doesn't understand because she has never been pregnant, I am sure someone who has been can explain it to her. Or have your husband tell her that your mw/ob doesn't want you traveling, which I'm sure is true whether they've actually said it or not.

I wouldn't feel guilty about it, either. You have to take care of you and the baby right now. SIL will probably be too busy with wedding prep to get too bent out of shape about it, and even if she does get mad, she'll get over it.

Hope you feel better soon.
post #19 of 20
Thread Starter 
Thanks again ladies for the support.

The trip to the ER yesterday was long but uneventful aside from the expected "we can't find a vein" because I was so dehydrated. I needed three bags of fluid and a few other things because my potassium was out of wack and my urine was full of ketones. They couldn't get my blood pressure above 88/47 and they wanted to keep me overnight but I promised them I would be a good girl and come right back if I had any more vomiting (which I haven't so far).

I still have a pretty bad headache, but I do feel a lot better. Mr. Amazing Man took the rest of the day off of work so he could go with me, which I appreciate tremendously. Being there and hearing that I shouldn't travel from the ER docs helped him understand a bit more that I really am not feeling that well (not that he doubted me before, but now he has a bit more leverage with his sisters when he tells them that I can't/am not traveling.

So I am going to stay home while the family goes, which should work out fine. My angle-neighbor is an RN & so she has promised to keep tabs on me while they are gone and the women's organization from church has already marshaled the forces and will have someone stop by every evening as well to make sure I am OK while they are gone. I am pretty lucky to have a good support system and am actually looking forward to 12 days of not having to worry about trying to feed the boys breakfast or make their lunches for school.

Thanks again for the help ladies!
post #20 of 20
Your mom is a wise woman! What a way to put things into perspective! I'm so glad that she's there for you! And I'm glad that you listened to her and are feeling better now!
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