When a child likes only to do what s/he is good at?

[Brownie~]

My son is 2.5 and I have been researching preschools for him for fall. So far, DH and I think Montessori will be a good fit for him and we like the philosophy.

Right now, my son gets speech therapy and occupational therapy through our state's Early Intervention program. Lately, he hasn't wanted to do the OT activities and runs off to play with his toys and generally "acts up." I was speaking to the OT therapist about preschool choices and she seemed very anti-Montessori. I was saying how much I liked the idea of free choice, and she said to me "well, how is he going to learn to do things he doesn't want to do? Sometimes kids have to do things they don't like."
I wasn't sure how to respond to this. My first instinct was to say that the teacher (guide) is there to make sure this doesn't happen, but I just sort of dropped it. Can anyone help me out? We are having DS's meeting to transition him out of EI in a week and we'll be discussing his preschool situation.
Thanks!

[askew]

Well Montessori is not all free time. They have lots of structured time, like circle time where they learn to follow rules and take turns etc. They also have a pretty structured day, and within that are work periods where the child can work on what they choose. I find this empowering for my child, as he can really be independent and take charge of his learning. Then the time segment changes and he will be expected to participate in group etc. They also really focus on manners and which I love. Lunch at my DS school is all served family style and they have to wait their turn and ask politely for something. I, personally, think it is the perfect balance of empowering the child to make their own choices and follow their passions as well as teaching them to be part of a larger group.

[ollyoxenfree]

I think your first instinct is essentially right. A good teacher will help make the learning interesting. S'he'll take advantage of the child's natural interests. If it's a question of the child wanting to do only what's familiar, it shouldn't be a real problem. The Montessori method traditionally has the teacher/guide take the child through a lesson with an unfamiliar task/material/equipment, and make sure that the child is comfortable with it. The child is then free to try (and try and try again) until s/he's mastered it. If the child still wants to do the same activity, generally s/he's still mastering it. If the issue is whether the child is ready to move on to something new, but hesitates because of lack of familiarity/fear, the teacher/guide will again work with the child to help them learn the new task.

Another factor is the other children in the classroom. I found that some activities were more popular, and the children vied to do them - even if it wasn't something they would prefer on their own. It's interesting to see what can spark a child's interest. The teacher can capitalize on this too.

I think it's fair to ask questions if your child is doing the same activity for weeks. I would want to know if the teacher/guide has invited the child to try new activities, given lessons, and made sure the child was comfortable with different learning areas and materials in the classroom.

[Rose-Roget]

Your son is 2.5 - it's developmentally appropriate to want to do what he wants to do, and there are very few people who "like" to do things that are particularly hard for them. A good teacher/guide (or OT, for that matter) should be able to help minimize the aversiveness of an activity through making it stimulating and intersting, as well as follow the child's lead to turn an interesting activity/work into a learning experience. Furthermore, Montessori has a lot of direct and indirect "goals" in their works, which could be interesting on one level for him, and indirectly target some of his fine motor needs on another level.

[kittykat2481]

My son is 23 months, but was in speech and OT from 13 months to about 20 or 21 months. When we were considering moving to a Montessori school, all of his therapists and case manager could not say enough good things about the method and how it would benefit him. I'm not sure what your son's particular struggles are, but I know the opportunity for repitition, sensory experiences, respect for time and space to become familiar and master something, gentle guidance by the teacher, and so many other things were EXACTLY what my son needed. I can not even begin to tell you all the ways he has thrived in the short time that he's been in the toddler program at his school. Not just with his language and sensory needs, but with his confidence, manners, attention span, willingness to try new things, gross motor, fine motor... the list goes on and on. A good OT would see these opportunities for your child and fully support this decision. In fact, as supportive as his OT was, after she observed his class one morning, she was so impressed with the guide, the classroom, the other children, and most of all my son, that she just couldn't say enough great things. You know what is best for your son. Follow your gut. Also, you should talk to the guide and the director at the montessori school about your son's particular struggles, and ask them for specific ways in which their school will benefit him. They should be a good resource for you.

[MattBronsil]

The biggest question is not whether or not the children should learn that there are things they have to do that they do not necessarily like. This is absolutely true. The question is HOW we teach that to them.

What we see with children is the same thing we see with adults: The more freedom we have, the more we tend to act responsibly. Imagine your work situation. Whether you love your current job, there is a good chance that there was a job that you absolutely hated at some point. When I think back on the jobs I did not enjoy, I find that I hated them primarily because I felt too restricted. As an ESL teacher, most of this came from not being able to teach with a curriculum I had any say in. Many schools here in Taiwan decide what you will teach and it's often just a mix-match combination of unrelated materials. You basically become a "page turner" for an hour long class, making sure they get through 2-3 books.

Now I teach at a school that still has certain requirements, but is much more flexible in how the curriculum is taught and we adapt to the students' needs. If I have an idea for a project, I have the freedom to do it as long as I get the students through the stories every week and am not behind on the other work.

I love my current job. I hated my other jobs. The reason for this is simple ~ I did not have enough choices in my other jobs. Now that I have a greater amount of choice, I either just put up with doing certain things because I have to or I actually see the benefit of them and am fine with doing those things I don't particularly "like to do."

Children are the same. When they're given much more freedom in their classroom, they really take the time to explore the room and see what they can come up with.

<<"Lately, he hasn't wanted to do the OT activities and runs off to play with his toys and generally "acts up."">>

Translate that into a Montessori classroom setting. He won't want to do one activity, so he'll select another. This sounds perfect.

Matt

[MittensKittens]

Originally Posted by Brownie~

I was saying how much I liked the idea of free choice, and she said to me "well, how is he going to learn to do things he doesn't want to do? Sometimes kids have to do things they don't like."

I attended montessori myself, and this certainly applied to me. On the one hand, I do like the idea of learning what a child feels drawn to, ie, an unschooling approach, which is what I have been doing with my own kids so far. On the other hand, I did what I enjoyed in montessori, but not what I disliked, the teacher informed my mother that I was.... not intelligent enough! As well as lazy. They did do circle time and some structured lessons, which was then followed by unstructured study time. I was bored by all the materials and spent my time doing different things like reading books that interested me. So what this person warned you about CAN happen.

I am not lazy or stupid, by the way and did much better in regular school. Turns out I was gifted, which never even occurred to the montessori teacher. I was bored in regular school as well, but it worked out much better. And at least the boredom could be countered by rebelling against the authorities, which were non existent in Montessori. Needless to say, I am not considering Montessori for my own children.

[MattBronsil]

Originally Posted by MittensKittens

I attended montessori myself, and this certainly applied to me. On the one hand, I do like the idea of learning what a child feels drawn to, ie, an unschooling approach, which is what I have been doing with my own kids so far. On the other hand, I did what I enjoyed in montessori, but not what I disliked, the teacher informed my mother that I was.... not intelligent enough! As well as lazy. They did do circle time and some structured lessons, which was then followed by unstructured study time. I was bored by all the materials and spent my time doing different things like reading books that interested me. So what this person warned you about CAN happen.

I am not lazy or stupid, by the way and did much better in regular school. Turns out I was gifted, which never even occurred to the montessori teacher. I was bored in regular school as well, but it worked out much better. And at least the boredom could be countered by rebelling against the authorities, which were non existent in Montessori. Needless to say, I am not considering Montessori for my own children.

The more time I spend online, the less surprised I am at hearing what some teachers decide to call Montessori.

[SomedayMom]

Others have answered very well for you and I think your instincts are right.

I have 2 children in Montessori and I honestly think at my 2 year olds level, gravitating towards things he likes is VERY age appropriate. At my 5 year old's stage, a willingness to try new things that he may not be drawn to is very age appropriate and he does.

Montessori is really such a great method. It's success really has a lot of scientific backing to it. It is popular and schools will latch on to the name without doing it well, so just be selective when choosing.

FWIW, my two are most likely gifted children and this method has been a much better fit for them than the traditional method. My older son was very successful at his previous school, but he wasn't challenged. Now he does thigns that challenge him and he is SO excited and proud of himself. And his teachers are very aware of his strengths and weaknesses and how to bring out the very best in him. I wouldn't choose anything else for my children.

[Brownie~]

Thank you all so much for your very informative and detailed replies. My gut is that Montessori will be beneficial for my son, and now I feel like I can put together a cogent response to the OT's criticisms of the method.