Twiddling the other side?

[beachlover]

I see many people dislike this, as much as I do. All of my children have done it. It's annoying, and yes sometimes it hurts.

But it got me thinking a bit. Do you think in some unconscious way, that while we know that nursing is nourishment and nurturing, that playing with ones breasts is sexual?

I just can't understand why, it drives me nuts. I mean when it hurts, I obviously know why it bugs me, but it doesn't always hurt, but I'm always stopping it, removing his hand, covering my breast whatever. I find the older the child gets the more it bugs me too. When my last ds nursed at 3, it really bothered me.

Just curious what others thoughts are on this?

Kat nursing 18 month old ds

[iris777888]

I think for me this is at least part of it, yes. Previously this behavior was reserved for sexual activity, and I think subconsciously it still seems like it should be. As much as I hate to admit it, sometimes it causes the arousal type of feeling. The older my son gets the more it bothers me too.

[lurve]

i was at zen with twiddling for a LONG time. then i got pregnant and it started to hurt. so i taught her to do it gently. now she does it with such a soft caress that it feels weird and kind of freaks me out....

[Red Pajama]

My daughter does this, and she's very persistent, despite the fact that I have never "let" her twiddle and always move her hand.

For me, it's just uncomfortable. Or, fingers on a chalkboard irritating.

[liliaceae]

Maybe.....but I've never understood why anyone would LET their LO do this if they're not comfortable with it. Just cover your nipple and don't let them do it. If they must play with something while nursing, get a nursing necklace. I really think, as much as is possible, breastfeeding should be something that mama and baby are both comfortable with.

[aksign]

I dont quite understand why it seems to soothe my ds so... but it really does, so i let him do it. (also doesnt bother me) It seems to speed letdown along. Someone wrote that their LC recommended it for letdown bc it releases more oxytocin with both nips being stimulated. I guess it is all how you perceive it. It does get tricky when I NIP... not as comfortable with him twiddling, and ds is like, what's the problem??

[zensven42]

For me, nipple twiddling has never seemed sexual when the children do it, just as it isn't sexual when they hug or kiss me. It only feels sexual when a man I am interested in does it, and I am thinking about sex. To be honest, even a man playing with my nipples doesn't feel any more sexual than them touching my arm or back or something. It just isn't one of those places that feels extra good like my mouth or down below. Although it still doesn't feel sexual if my children kiss me on the mouth. I think it has all to do with how my mind perceives it. I never try to stop the twiddling unless I am feeling touched out, because my children have always said it makes the milk come better.

[lurve]

Originally Posted by zensven42

For me, nipple twiddling has never seemed sexual when the children do it, just as it isn't sexual when they hug or kiss me. It only feels sexual when a man I am interested in does it, and I am thinking about sex. To be honest, even a man playing with my nipples doesn't feel any more sexual than them touching my arm or back or something. It just isn't one of those places that feels extra good like my mouth or down below. Although it still doesn't feel sexual if my children kiss me on the mouth. I think it has all to do with how my mind perceives it. I never try to stop the twiddling unless I am feeling touched out, because my children have always said it makes the milk come better.

i felt this same exact way until now. it is such a weird change. maybe has to do with pregnancy hormones on my part? or that her twiddle has gone from more "trying to get radio free europe" to something VERY soft and caressing. trust me, i don't want to feel this way! i mean she is almost three and i plan on tandem nursing. i am hoping the feeling goes away...

[lucifugous]

I definitely think this behavior has a function- as one person mentioned it can improve letdown and thus over the course of time it could have some effect on supply. I notice when my supply is better, my daughter doesn't need to do it as much, & the times that she is insistent upon it seem to coincide with dips in supply. I mind some times more than others, too, and encourage caresses over pinching with the very tips of her fingers.

[craft_media_hero]

Originally Posted by liliaceae

Maybe.....but I've never understood why anyone would LET their LO do this if they're not comfortable with it. Just cover your nipple and don't let them do it. If they must play with something while nursing, get a nursing necklace. I really think, as much as is possible, breastfeeding should be something that mama and baby are both comfortable with.

This would not work for my dd. I let her do it because it would have meant weaning if I had not compromised my comfort. She would, at the very least, need to hold the other boob while nursing. I tried all manner of distractions, holding her hand, wearing a bra to prohibit access to the other boob, etc.

I understand about "training" your nurser in ways--like not biting, I was able to gentle train her to not bite in pretty much a day. Not so with the comfort holding/squeezing. She would get po'd and pull off and tantrum, not latch back on without being able to hold it. I would have had to stop nursing at least a year and a half earlier if I had let the twiddle be a deal-killer, and I wasn't willing to wean at that point.

I really didn't like the fact that she always had to feel me up while nursing. At a certain physical size (I think around a year old, which is when a lot of people have to re-evaluate the nursing relationship or have a difficult period), it just made me uncomfortable. But I couldn't change that about her nursing needs, and I knew she was not ready to wean. So I finally gave in and just accepted it. But it did weird me out at times because I didn't understand why it was so important to her and it really could become a very frustrating power struggle---so I just quit fighting her about it, hoping that she'd grow out of it, which she did not.

[craft_media_hero]

Originally Posted by Red Pajama

My daughter does this, and she's very persistent, despite the fact that I have never "let" her twiddle and always move her hand.

For me, it's just uncomfortable. Or, fingers on a chalkboard irritating.

Yes, irritating.

I agree with pps who said it probably has a function of helping the milk along. I'm sure it's very instinctual for the nursing child to help mama make the milk.

But still, irritating. In like a, leave my body alone kinda way. Moreso when I was feeling touched out or just a bit on the grouchy side.

[lifeguard]

I've always been curious how this starts? I'm sure ds would do it but I've never allowed him access to the other nipple (no way I could stand it - he's a pincher). Do some babies go for it even when they've never been permitted access?

[JessicaS]

I don't allow twiddling.

[LadyCatherine185]

Originally Posted by lifeguard

I've always been curious how this starts? I'm sure ds would do it but I've never allowed him access to the other nipple (no way I could stand it - he's a pincher). Do some babies go for it even when they've never been permitted access?

Maybe for some it is instinctual and for some it isn't? With my DS it started with him grabbing the other side to switch sides.. then I guess he realized it was there and wanted to touch/pinch/pull ALL.THE.TIME. It was such a fight to make him stop, I started letting him do it at bedtime/naptime because I just wanted him to GO.TO.SLEEP. I regret that.. because now I am trying to get him to stop. After a couple of days of persistently moving his hand and holding the other boob very tightly, he hasn't been as adament about it.

Come to think of it, before it was the other nipple it was first my belly button, and then a mole on my chest. He always seems to need to be twiddling something while nursing. Strange.

[MaterPrimaePuellae]

Originally Posted by LadyCatherine185

Come to think of it, before it was the other nipple it was first my belly button, and then a mole on my chest. He always seems to need to be twiddling something while nursing. Strange.

Yep, this was what happened with DD. I don't allow twiddling, period. I find it incredibly uncomfortable and irritating and boundary-bending. So I very, very rarely nursed her without an least a nursing bra on, and she never did "twiddle." However, she would reach up and pinch a mole on my chest, which was almost as bad and obviously serves no biological purpose. By that point she was an old enough and persistent enough nursling that I would hold her hand and tell her to stop, and if she didn't, I would say, "Well, we can't nurse if you're going to pinch mommy" and put her down.

[aksign]

I think it started for me when he would knead the side that he was nursing on to stimulate flow, but this led to pulling/tugging/biting, so I guess i must have encouraged more of belly button playing and then it led to other side? I dont even remember...

but also I was thinking about it more, and I do think that nursing is a very intimate experience, and that the twiddling is kind of a manifestation of that... although it is kind of pushing the boundaries of what we are comfortable with...

I laugh when I see these shirts that make it so all skin is covered except for the breast coming out, and I think what are we coming to??? babies and moms love to feel the skin to skin contact... more than just a neat nipple popping out....why sterilize the experience? I can understand for NIP, but why not enjoy the skin on skin at home>

[bigteamug]

The twiddling drove me nuts, so I didn't let her do it. Now she twiddles her nipple, esp when she is tired/sleepy - I find that almost as annoying as she is trying to maneuver to get to get access (it was rather funny the time she was wearing overalls...) and it shifts the covers off at night a lot.

[craft_media_hero]

Originally Posted by abimommy

I don't allow twiddling.

Those of you who have said you "don't allow" it, how is that possible? Like in my case above, where we would have had to wean in order to not "allow" it, would you have let it be that big of a deal to where you'd wean your babe over it?

Or that you don't "allow" access to the other boob, how is that even possible? Even if I was wearing a bra, she'd find that boobie! She had to have it in her hand as part of the nursing time. No necklace or other body part would be a fair substitute.

Really, even tho it's annoying, come on, it's not that big of a deal. I don't think it's worth having a power struggle or deal killer with your little one over something that is obviously so normal and instinctual that so many of us have noticed and experienced it.

My advice is just get over it. Give the baby what he or she wants. If so many babies seek it out, then it must be natural. It's not sexual, any more than nursing itself is sexual. It's annoying, but sheesh, nursing can be quite irritating and inconvenient at times, anyways. Lots of things about parenting are annoying. That doesn't mean that they're unnecessary or should be "dis-allowed".

[alaskaberry]

I don't think of it as sexual; but personally I couldn't stand it. I gave my kid a teddy bear, eventually he stopped and just held onto the teddy bear instead of twiddling.

[blizzard_babe]

My nipples are a no-twiddle zone. My belly button is also a no-digging zone. I just can't handle it. I give him something else to play with, but it still sometimes gets him all riled up.