Please tell me it's not that bad

[LilaQ]

The babymoon is coming to an end and I have to go back to work next week. Fortunately my in-laws will watch the baby 3 days a week and my husband and I will take the other days. In the beginning, I will work limited half-days to ease back into things and help my husband and in-laws adjust. I'm so stressed about making this work smoothly and scared I will get depressed because I miss my baby.

How long did it take you to get into a routine? Also, any advice for how to manage this transition?

P.S. I'll be pumping too so any advice regarding that is much appreciated too.

thanks!

[Girlprof]

It's probably not as bad as it seems right now. In my experience, the week before going back to work is perhaps the very worst. Worse than actually going back because right now, you've got all the worst-case-scenarios in your mind. And you are focused on how sweet your baby is, but not thinking at all about whatever is good about your job.

Your childcare situation sounds really ideal. You don't say what your job is so it's hard to comment on that. But lucky lucky baby who will have a wonderful relationship not just with mom, but with grandparents and dad as well.

I do think it's a huge crime that we don't have better and longer maternity leave in the US (oh, and PAID!). If you feel the same way, it might be worth a quick letter to your congressional representatives. That's a separate topic, of course.

You will miss your baby and you might want some kind of plan in place for that first day. A phone call home at lunch? Arranging to meet your best friend for coffee? Whatever might help. Don't expect to get any actual work done. But you will also get through it. Lots of people have done this and you can too.

How long does it take to get into a routine? Depends on you, your care givers, your baby, your job, etc. Maybe a week, maybe a month?

I think there are some separate threads on pumping, but I'm not sure where they are....

[_betsy_]

That's pretty much what we do, except I WOH FT, nights. DH has them during that time, except for two evenings a week when our schedules overlap, the girls (3 yo and 10 months) got to the ILs for about 4 hours.

I went back full time at 7 weeks PP and 11 weeks PP. I was still in crazy hormone world, rock-hard boobs, no-pants-fit-me-now mode. It wasn't ideal, but it worked out just fine.

Pumping - take photos of the baby with you. Read a magazine. Don't try to get any work done (too awkward and stressful). Think about the baby. When you're home nursing the baby, look lovingly at your pump and think nice thoughts about it. Sounds hokey, but I swear it helps with let down!

I make sure to eat plenty of good calories, sleep as much as I can (HA! It's never enough!), drink lots of water and eat oatmeal every morning for breakfast for my supply.

Kellymom.com has an awesome working/pumping section, and a great print out for your caregivers on how to give a BFed baby a bottle.

I always call home before my second pumping session of the night. Hearing the baby giggle, (she thinks the phone is hilarious!) or cry or just hearing about how her day is going helps get the milk flowing.

Oh! Some ideas - keep an extra sweater in your car (I have a plain black sweater in my car - goes with any bottom) in case of leaks or unnoticed spit ups on your shoulder. Keep deoderant in your desk (You will forget one morning. Trust me on this!) and extra breast pads. Keep supplies handy in your pump back like a couple freezer bags, just in case you pump a huge amount or lose a collection bottle cap or whatever might happen. Also, lanolin is good to have on hand in the early days of pumping (I sometimes needed it after pumping, and wiped it off before the next session).

HTH!

Within 2 months each time, I felt like life was manageable and "normal" and we were into good routines. I started to get the feeling that life was going in that direction within about 2 weeks of going back to work, I'd say.

The trepidation of going back was much worse than the actual first day, to be honest. But man, was I tired! And with DD1, we burned through my freezer stash FAST! Not so much with DD2. Every baby is different!

HTH, and feel free to PM me if you need a shoulder to cry on, an ear to rant to, or a shot in the arm (You can do this!).

[LilaQ]

Thank you, thank you mamas for your tips and encouragement!! I think it is the trepidation that's killing me and the feeling that I can't control everything. I'm such a "planner" and I just don't feel prepared but honestly I don't think there's anything left to do except suck it up and roll with it. Hopefully, I'll be surprised at how easily we all fall into a new routine.

[rcr]

Oh boy, I remember that. This has to be one of the hardest things I faced after having a baby. It was a real suprise for me too - I love my job, and I thought I would miss it and would want to go back. Of course all that changed once I met DS - I was even thinking of giving up my career to SAHM (until reality set in )

It took us about a month to get back into a routine, We had some issues with day care (fortunately, a dear friend is watching DS now), and I really was only thinking about DS when I was at work (i.e. not working). Gradually over a month or so I got back into my old routine, and I am so glad that I did not quit my job (in retrospect, I would hate to SAHM).

I think those post-baby hormones had a big impact on my experience - I just did not want to be away from him!

Hugs to you, I can really understand how hard this is. It will get easier though.

[Caneel]

I also found Kellymom to be a good resource.

A dear and wise friend advised me to not make any life-altering decisions before 90 days was up. Along the lines of don't quit your job after 3 weeks back, don't change child care arrangements (unless, of course something needs to change for health and safety) that type of thing.

It didn't take 90 days for us to adjust, more like 4 or 6 weeks.

[JessieBird]

My experience is too fresh for me to go into too many details without breaking down but I'll just say that it probably will be much easier than you expect. As I was approaching my return to work, all of my friends IRL and here in this forum told me that it wouldn't be as bad as I was expecting. I thought they were wrong, that I was different, and that there was absolutely no way I could survive being away from my little guy. I sobbed daily for several weeks before going back and I almost flat out refused on several occasions. Well, much to my utter shock, I went back 2 weeks ago and from the very first day it was fine. Absolutely fine. It still isn't my first choice, I'd still prefer to be a SAHM, but honestly we're doing much better than the mere surviving I'd hoped for. DS is thriving in the care situation I've found for him, my days are flying by, it felt great to be so warmly welcomed back to work, and I don't care one bit about the housework. I get in really early and leave precisely at 3:30 no matter what urgencies my boss is trying to throw at me. I love the new perspective on what's important in life this experience is giving me. I love that DH is reveling in his new role as solo parent in the mornings.

That said, I know I am close to the edge. If I think about it for too long, I'll cry easily. I still haven't managed to take photos of DS into work and I HATE not knowing what he is doing all day. But overall so far so good and I suspect it will only get easier with time.

I'm sorry, that's not really helpful advice...just know that you aren't alone and that no matter how hard it might be to believe now, there really is some positive to be found in every situation.

I guess the one piece of real advice I would give is to keep your mind open to the idea of accelerating your transition, if you have a long ease-in period planned. I had a long drawn out transition planned and, with encouragement from others who'd been through the experience, I found that jumping in quickly was easier on all of us. I had planned on a month or so of 1/2 days and continued mid-day visits to DS after that but I cut it down to just one week. We fell into a routine very quickly and the other adults involved (DH and caregiver) were eager to take ownership over their roles without me hovering. For my part, going back full time sooner nipped my misery in the bud because it got the worst over quickly. I think that it was better for DS too because, though the routine was suddenly different, at least it was consistent instead of changing constantly, however gradually, over a month. But I think this decision depends on your child and your care situation and so will be different for everyone.

Good luck and big