moving to toddler-initiated pottying

[LaFlaca1226]

Hi mamas,

My 28 m.o. DD has been using the potty since 11 months. She lets us know when she has to poop, but not when she has to pee. So DH and I are still very much responsible for initiating potty-time for her. Now that our non-EC'ing friends with babies of a similar age are "potty-training" their LOs, we are beginning to ask ourselves when and how DD will learn to (or choose to) initiate potty-time on her own.

As an experiment, we've gone a couple days letting her make all the calls regarding when she potties. She has not initiated one potty pee, and has peed in her pants instead. I was hoping that after so many months of infrequent misses, she would be uncomfortable with the idea of wetting her pants, and start asking to use the potty when she has to pee. So far, that hasn't happened.

Last night while I was out, DH offered her a sticker if she used the potty, and that worked like magic. But I'm not sure how I feel about the reward system. Does anyone know of a better way?

Thanks in advance!
Bethany

[sapphire_chan]

]it's really common for potty learning to include asking the child at regular intervals to assess if they need to go. Maybe do that as a midpoint between telling her it's time and having her be totally in charge?

[LaFlaca1226]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

]it's really common for potty learning to include asking the child at regular intervals to assess if they need to go. Maybe do that as a midpoint between telling her it's time and having her be totally in charge?

Actually, we have been doing that. Her answer is always "no", so far. We're going to keep trying for a little while.

Also, a friend suggested keeping her nakey-bum at home, so it's easy for her to take herself to the potty without help.

[pixiepunk]

did you tell her ahead of time "we're not going to offer you the potty today, when you need to pee pee, you need to tell us so we can help you get to the bathroom?" or something like that. if she's used to you always offering, she wouldn't necessarily be aware that the 'rules' were changing. communicating your expectations is important.

and i agree with sapphirechan, some kids really do just need you to offer (and for a longer period of time) than others. my DS was the one of my 3 who took the longest to initiate 100% on his own. he was mostly miss-free by about 22 months or so, but he was probably 2.5 yo before he got very good at telling me every time. and in between there were days when he was great and days he didn't do it at all. my feeling about it was that when he wasn't good at doing it, he was communicating his need for me to take charge of it, and so i did.

also, languaging is important, IME. rather than asking "do you have to potty" which will probably get a "no" (heck, at that age, "no" is the gut reaction answer to everything, even "do you want some ice cream" ) but rather, just say "it's time to go to the potty" or "let's go try to pee" or "mama needs to pee, come with me and we can both go" or whatever. those direct requests that were not really questions always elicited a more favorable response. if the child said no after that, i assumed they really didn't have to go and didn't push the issue, though i might try again in 15 minutes.

HTH!

[LaFlaca1226]

Thanks for the ideas!

Originally Posted by pixiepunk

did you tell her ahead of time "we're not going to offer you the potty today, when you need to pee pee, you need to tell us so we can help you get to the bathroom?" or something like that. if she's used to you always offering, she wouldn't necessarily be aware that the 'rules' were changing. communicating your expectations is important.

Yes, she is very verbal, so we've had lots of conversations about this. I've told her that Mommy and Daddy aren't going to decide when it's potty time - that she needs to tell us when it's time to pee. She just says that she doesn't want to pee in the potty OR in her pants. She doesn't want to pee at all. (Yeah, okay.)

Originally Posted by pixiepunk

rather than asking "do you have to potty" which will probably get a "no" (heck, at that age, "no" is the gut reaction answer to everything, even "do you want some ice cream" ) but rather, just say "it's time to go to the potty" or "let's go try to pee" or "mama needs to pee, come with me and we can both go" or whatever. those direct requests that were not really questions always elicited a more favorable response. if the child said no after that, i assumed they really didn't have to go and didn't push the issue, though i might try again in 15 minutes.

I agree. We always couched it as "What book do you want to read on the potty?" because a simple "Do you want to use the potty?" would always get a no. But lately, she has been really resistant to going when we offered, even with the offer of a book, which is what got me thinking that maybe she just wants to be in charge of potty-time. But maybe that's not what she's trying to tell me...