Freaking out at last minute

[Julia'sMom]

Quick background - I'm 35 weeks pregnant with twins and with a really supportive midwife group headed by an ob. Vbac is encouraged, so long as baby a is head down. This pregnancy is getting really hard and exhausting due to the extra weight and all.

For the last month, baby a was been moving, but not in the correct position. I started mentally preparing myself for the repeat section if she didn't change when I went into labor. Appointment yesterday showed her head down.

Now I'm freaking out about trying for a vbac. If I have a repeat section due to the position of the babies, then I feel it was out of my hands and I did the best I could. However, if I end up with a repeat section after attempting a vbac, I will feel like an utter failure. It's getting so hard to visualize the successful vaginal birth I want. I worry that the pregnancy has so exhausted and drained me that I won't have the gumption left to stick to my guns. Any advice or is this just the normal last minute cold feet?

[MNHall]

One thing that I thought about if I did try a VBAC, but end up with a repeat c/s was that I tried! I knew for a VBAC I'd have to go into labor on my own, unlike an iduction with my first. And the fact that I was letting my body do it's thing was pretty cool to think about. That I didn't just go sign up for the repeat because that's what some doctor was telling me to do. I totally get something that's out of your hands, and doing a c/s because you basically have to! But I think the feeling of knowing you did what you could with trying a VBAC will be pretty powerful too! The feeling of going into labor, going through contractions, feeling your body prepare to birth the babies. Even if you don't get to actually have a VBAC, trying is pretty awesome!

However, with that said, I think power of positive thinking is HUGE! Any time I started to get negative I read good stories, positive books, came here and read success stories. I tried to stay as positive as I could and once I got a little pick me up, I felt like there was no way I wouldn't get my VBAC...I could do anything!

Talk to those babies, tell them what they need to do. Visualize them coming out. KNOW that you WILL have these babies vaginally! You CAN and you WILL do this! Think positive and any time you have doubts, surround yourself with the positive things so you can build your confidence!

I think cold feet probably is a big thing with a VBAC...but look, baby A is already behaving! That's a great sign! That little one is showing you that you can do it!!!

[TCA2008]

Dear Julia's mom:

How about reframing your outcome. I had my first son via c-section. I tried very hard for a VBAC with my second but ended up with a repeat c-section. I was devastated! When I got pregnant with my 3rd, I had a very difficult choice - try again, and risk more devastation, or just electively sign up for a section - after all, if the section were my choice, then I wouldn't be as devastated.......

I just couldn't bring myself to sign up for a c-section. After all of my research, I firmly believed that regardless of outcome (vaginal or surgical delivery) the process of labor was very beneficial to both me and my baby.

Sure enough, numerous studies and reports are showing an alarming increase in scheduled c-section babies ending up in the NICU, risks are rising for mothers too. By attempting a vaginal birth, even if you ultimately end up with a c-section, you are letting your babies decide when they are ready (less likely to be in the NICU), you are giving them very valuable hormones that only labor provides, and you are providing your body with very valuable labor hormones that you only get while in labor.

So, with my third pregnancy, I decided I would still "let nature take its course" and if ultimately that meant a c-section, so be it, but at least I had to do everything possible first to avoid it. I did ultimately go on to VBA2C, but even if I had ended up with a 3rd c-section, I think I would have felt good about giving my body and baby labor benefits first.

Good luck!

[cairomama]

I agree, reframe it! Think of the benefits that laboring brings to you and your babies. Surround yourself with a supportive team and give it your best shot. No matter what happens you can feel good about it.

You can do it!

[Julia'sMom]

Originally Posted by TCA2008

Dear Julia's mom:

How about reframing your outcome. I had my first son via c-section. I tried very hard for a VBAC with my second but ended up with a repeat c-section. I was devastated! When I got pregnant with my 3rd, I had a very difficult choice - try again, and risk more devastation, or just electively sign up for a section - after all, if the section were my choice, then I wouldn't be as devastated.......

I just couldn't bring myself to sign up for a c-section. After all of my research, I firmly believed that regardless of outcome (vaginal or surgical delivery) the process of labor was very beneficial to both me and my baby.

Sure enough, numerous studies and reports are showing an alarming increase in scheduled c-section babies ending up in the NICU, risks are rising for mothers too. By attempting a vaginal birth, even if you ultimately end up with a c-section, you are letting your babies decide when they are ready (less likely to be in the NICU), you are giving them very valuable hormones that only labor provides, and you are providing your body with very valuable labor hormones that you only get while in labor.

So, with my third pregnancy, I decided I would still "let nature take its course" and if ultimately that meant a c-section, so be it, but at least I had to do everything possible first to avoid it. I did ultimately go on to VBA2C, but even if I had ended up with a 3rd c-section, I think I would have felt good about giving my body and baby labor benefits first.

Good luck!

Thank you so much for this advice! I knew that in the beginning of the pregnancy, but now at the end, it just slipped away. Regardless of the final outcome, at least they can choose their birthday and benefit from the labor hormones. I just didn't expect to be so scared of failure at this point. At least I don't have any fears about rupture and such, just about my ability to move those babies down and out. Thanks again for the confidence boost. :

[DocsNemesis]

That was a great post I completely agree.

I had a cesarean with my last one for HELLP. While its possible I *may* have been able to be successfully induced (completely closed, thick, and only 33 weeks along), I both highly doubt it and felt like even if it DID work, it'd end up taking too long-my labs were crashing very quickly and every minute that passed was making delivery more and more dangerous. I was also told that if I ended up with a cesarean after a few more hours, my platelets would be too low to allow me to be awake for the surgery and that the risk to me would be much higher-again, due to the platelets thing. So I ultimately made the decision-the perinatologist was actually very hesitant to call for a cesarean but after seeing how fast my lab results were going downhill, agreed that it was the safest course of action at that point. I am very thankful for his support and not making me feel pushed into it!

Anyway, I am trying for a VBAC. Now, admittedly I'm not in the same place since I've had babies vaginally before. But I can sympathize. I am very much afraid that something bad will happen, whether it be a UR, HELLP again, anything. I'm trying not to focus on that though. As the pp said-I want to labor regardless of the outcome. I at least want a chance at a HBAC and if that doesn't happen, so be it. I'll still have given my baby the benefit of labor, of coming on her own terms. And I've taken the stance that if I try and then can't for one reason or another and end up with another cesarean, then its necessary and I'm not a failure. I'll still be sad, yes-but I won't feel like I failed.

[LisaG]

Julia'sMom - you're getting so close

I can only speak from my experience, but 7 days in the NICU as a direct result of lung issues due to the c/s completely sucked. Granted, compared to the vast majority of babies that were in there, we were lucky, lucky, but if I could've labored and avoided that I would've. Unfortunately with my uterine surgical history, blah, blah, blah.......

I wish for you a positive birth, whatever version it takes

[*Christa*]

My VBAC attempt turned into a CBAC too. Although I was devistated I felt like better to try & fail then to not try at all. I couldn't bring myself to just sign up for another c/s. I am now planning a HBA2C for this baby. People are already telling me that I might as well sign up for a c/s, because it's gonna end that way again. Hell NO, not for me. I informe them that there is never a way to know how it is gonna end. Sorry I am digressing. I felt so much better knowing that I gave it my best shot even if it didn't work out in the end.

[pampered_mom]

Originally Posted by cairomama

I agree, reframe it! Think of the benefits that laboring brings to you and your babies.

This especially!