I HATE breastfeeding!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Super~Single~Mama]

I'm so sick of this. My son is sick - AGAIN. This is terrible. The third time, yes THIRD, time he has been sick in 2 months. I'm sick of this. I'm getting sick too. For the THIRD TIME IN 2 MONTHS.

I don't get ANY sleep. My son REFUSES milk unless its from ME. REFUSES. Sippp cup, spoon, ANYTHING.

Right now he's REFUSING to nurse! He's getting dehydrated, he won't drink anything but milk, and he WON'T NURSE!!!!!!!! He's not going to sleep tonight, just like he hasn't slept for the past week.

I'm NEVER breastfeeding a baby EVER AGAIN. It is making EVERYTHING WORSE right now! I have SCHOOL right now. And next semester. I can't take any time off b/c I don't have the money to pay back loans.

How do I wean this kid NOW??? And FORCE him to take a bottle? I'm sick of this, and its either weaning him or I'm LEAVING. I'm done. I can't do this anymore. I have PPD, I'm barely functioning as it is, AND I'm SICK. To top it all off my BF is being a jerk, and calls me selfish if I want to sleep instead of deal with a crying, sick, ridiculous baby at 2am.

[Logan's mommy]

I have no advice, just

[Ruthla]

I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this. I'm sorry your BF is treating you badly (he's probably feeling stressed and sleep deprived too.) I'm sorry you can't afford to stay home with your baby. I'm sorry you don't have supportive people around who can help with the baby and the housework and let you get some more rest.

[DeerMother]

I had that feeling - sitting there nursing and seriously thinking of running out the back door and not looking back. It gets better/easier/different.
Maybe look at some immune building supplements?
Are you being treated for your ppd?
Honestly, it would probably be the same if he was taking formula from a bottle you'd just have to mix it and wash the bottles.
Hang in there.

[Katica]

I`m sorry you are having such a rough time. You are not selfish at all- it`s extremely stressful to deal with a sick baby while you are sick and sleep-deprived. I had a very hard time with my DS too at the beginning. I was stressed-out/tired and wanted to scream.
I know weaning your son sounds like a good solution but it might not help at this point. If he is sick and refusing to nurse chances are he would refuse the bottle too. And if he doesn`t sleep at night as it is, what if he wouldn`t sleep AND you couldn`t comfort him by nursing either?
I have a few suggestions which may or may not help. Is he congested? It`s really hard to nurse with a stuffy nose. I would try nursing him in the bathroom after a shower in the steam. It helps clear his nose. Also, try squirting a little breastmilk in his nose a few minutes before nursing, that also helps clear the airways.
Other than that, skin-to-skin contact was a life saver for us. I stripped DS to his diaper and myself to waist and put him on my chest. Listening to my heartbeat relaxed him and he`d start rooting for the breast.
Taking a warm shower/bath together also helps to relax both Mommy and baby.
I`m not trying to suggest that you should continue breastfeeding him, these are just a few suggestions that have helped me put breastfeeding on the right track. Once, we got that down things became a little easier.
Hope that helps a bit,
Ida

[LadyCatherine185]

Mama. You and Lincoln are in my prayers.

[iowaorganic]

Wow it really is a 10 month thing. I posted a very similiar thing last night.... One feeding at a time... One at a time.

[Pyrodjm]

Please seek professional help for the PPD. Dealing with a sick babe is so hard.

[georgia]

I had PPD with all three of mine so I can certainly relate to feeling like I can't take another minute of anything.

I say this with much compassion, but I think you are misplacing the blame on breastfeeding. The reality is that he is going to still need you and your presence (possibly even more so) if you did decide to quit. He's going to still get sick if he's not breastfed. Without the antibodies in your milk, he might get sicker more frequently--there are simply no guarantees. He's still going to not sleep as much as you'd like even if you're not breastfeeding. IME, it's very easy to blame breastfeeding, esp. if you are not a part of the dyad. Friends, relatives, loved ones, etc. are quick to blame breastfeeding for all the ills of the world. It's always sad to see other breastfeeding mamas fall in this trap. You're doing the hardest job in the world right now, and you're doing it while you are depressed and apparently have very little support. I commend you 110% for all the breastfeeding and mothering that you have done up to this point. You should be very, very proud of yourself. You are not selfish. To mother, especially a baby, is a very selfless business.

If he refuses breastmilk from anything but the source, how do you envision he'll take a substitute? Do you envision that going any better? I would recommend considering seeking immediate (as in today, right now) help with your PPD. Take the baby with if you have to. I've done it. I took a newborn and two children under age 4 to a busy office all by myself. I reached the point where you are---I couldn't see going another day with how things were. I was fortunate that I felt that nursing was actually just about the only thing I *could* do right though, so it wasn't an option for me to give it up. I knew that quitting was not the solution and for me, would be something I would deeply regret.

So, basically, what I am trying to say is that breastfeeding is not to blame here. It might feel like it is, but if you take breastfeeding away, you still have a baby who needs you, only you then don't have what he needs in the way he needs it. I would imagine that cold turkey would be a very, very, very hard adjustment during a time when you need as little stress as possible

[larzanna]

Please get help for yourself right this very minute from anyone from anywhere!!
And honestly i doubt it is the BF, a sick fussy, pain in the butt baby is going to be the same whether FF or BF. They are babies.

If you are even still reading this....go get help, knock on a neighbors door you have never even met if you must.

[Super~Single~Mama]

I'm trying to get help for the ppd. Its hard. I'm on medication, but its not helping. I'm seeing a counselor, but thats not helping either.

I'm an introvert, so talking to people that I don't know is hard, especially when its about how horrible things are going. I have limited options b/c of health insurance (and I'm a student, and so is my boyfriend, so we're poor to say the least), and the person I'm going to right now is free. But its not working.

My BF and I were in couples counseling, but we're not anymore and we're going to break up soon. I don't know what we're going to do with Lincoln, but he'll probably spend most of his time with his dad. I just can't deal with it anymore.

[Cuau]

Mama hang in there, you are in a tough situation and you need to take care of yourself. Maybe post in tribes to see if there is anyone out there who can give you a hand
hugs

[Birdie B.]

s

I hope things get better for you soon.

[sunshynbaby]

I also think you are misplacing the blame on breastfeeding. If he weren't getting the antibodies in your milk, he might be sicker right now.

It really sounds like you could use a break to recharge. Even if it is just a half hour walk while the baby sleeps and your boyfriend watches him, take some time for yourself.

[Latte Mama]

Oh sweety, I remember your other thread and I'm sorry things haven't gotten better. I know you said you can't take time off because of your loans but why can't you defer? I've deferred several times due to personal reasons and they have never given me a problem. Maybe if you can take just the Spring semester off to regroup and get you and little Lincoln situated, you'll be in a better place by next summer/fall.

It worries me what you said about if you and your BF split, your baby will spend most of the time with his Dad. Why? If BF is not helping now, why would he take him most of the time? I know you feel overwhelmed and you need to take care of your needs but Lincoln needs you. It doesn't sound like your BF is ready to be a full time Dad to him.

I'm going to agree with the PP about the breastfeeding, quitting is not going to make your life easier, it will make it harder. Formula is expensive, it's a pita to make bottles. Lincoln may refuse bottles, may have issues with formula. Can you try to do another week and then re-evaluate? You're almost to a year already.

But aside from the breastfeeding, you need to get more help. Something needs to change and I don't think walking out on your son is what will ultimately make you happy. Please look into deferring the loans and taking some time off of school.

[wake_up]

[justmama]

this may or may not help but i am a single mom to 3 little girls, one still nursing at 22months. she's been diagnosed with reactive airway disease so when she's sick, it's hell. she's wheezing and on an inhaler and we are rushing her to the er for breathing treatments. she's battling pneumonia for the second time this season right now and she's whiny and miserable. i know how stressed you must be. we too are extremely poor and that doesn't help. it severely limits your options, i know. i don't have any suggestions for you other than to just take it one day at a time. their dad and i have been separated since i was 4 months pregnant with the youngest and we have worked out a visitation schedule that he takes them two nights a week from dinner to bedtime and returns them to me and he just started overnights one night per weekend. so for example from 10am on saturday to 10am on sunday. i call them or visit them briefly before bedtime and pick them up in the morning. it's just enough time for ME time to make me miss them again so i can enjoy them when i pick them up. and the overnights started a month or so ago. so he didn't rip the kids away from me right away and make my life hell. it's possible to make it workable for all parties involved. keep the faith. take it one moment at a time if need be. grab some movies from redbox and veg on the couch for a day or two snuggling your baby and dealing with the fussiness and then try to concentrate on school work and life. but don't let yourself get too overwhelmed and angry because it's not good for you or for your baby's attitude. it will only make him more fussy.

oh and like others have said, formula and bottles are a PITA. i weaned my first at 7months and dealing with formula and bottles in the middle of the night sucked. nursing was SO much easier. not to mention, her breath after drinking formula was rotten. ick! and the diapers. whew baby! breastfed babies are much much sweeter. that alone was enough to make me regret weaning.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Thanks for trying to encourage me everyone. We are going to wean the baby.


"It worries me what you said about if you and your BF split, your baby will spend most of the time with his Dad. Why? If BF is not helping now, why would he take him most of the time? I know you feel overwhelmed and you need to take care of your needs but Lincoln needs you. It doesn't sound like your BF is ready to be a full time Dad to him."

My now ex-BF would take him b/c he doesn't trust me with him. I can't handle all the stressors in my life right now - and I have ONLY stressors, NO stress relievers. My BF has been saying terrible things to me for MONTHS and just thinks that he's justified, and can say whatever he wants to me when he's angry.

Anyway, we're weaning the baby. If anyone has any ideas for "gentle" weaning of a 10mo who hates bottles let me know.

[GoBecGo]

thyra

I had to wean at 7 months, it's really tough.

Maybe you could use the same advice people give for getting baby from bottle back to breast - i.e. offer him bottles when he's relaxed and sleepy, or in the night when he's only just waking up a little to feed, and not wide awake. Does he use a paci? Maybe the same brand/shape teats as the paci for a bottle would be something he can/will suck? Make sure the milk is nice and warm (i found bottles needed to be 38 or 39C because if you make it up to 37 it's cooled to 35 by the time they've drunk an ounce - my DD definitely took it better when it was a little bit warmer. If you have any pumped milk or can bear to express any then mixing it with formula can really help with the flavour transition.

If he has a cold with a lot of gunk in his nose/chest just now then it's likely he's rejecting food because he feels ill (from breast or bottle) and also possible that he's really not loving the milk pouring into his mouth from a bottle as it'll make him choke if his nose is bloked and he can't swallow fast. Try a really really slow flow teat (newborn maybe?) so he has to suck to get anything?

Does he eat solids at all if he's 10months? It's not everyone's idea of perfect but i know lots and LOTS of anthroposophs who wean at 9months (they say 9 in the womb, 9 on the breast) and those babies do just fine on solids if they're eating well by then, sometimes an extra month or two of some milk for those who aren't eating great is needed, but often not. As i say, i'm not setting this out as ideal, but i can see how much you're struggling and that the decision to wean is made already. I know when i was weaning DD all the good information on why BFing was right for her in the world wasn't making it possible to continue So yes, try with the bottles when he's relaxed and sleepy, have his daddy offer them - if he is in your arms he's going to expect the breast! And up his solids a little if he'll eat them, so he's getting calories - it's ok to add oils and fats to his food to increase them calorifically too. If he were older i'd say add butters or creams, but until he's a year old i'd stick to adding things like olive oil and so on.

And for you, one day in the future you will probably forget how desperate everything really was right now, and you might look back and blame yourself for having to wean (i know i did!) but the blame wasn't based on reality, unfortunately the WEANING was based on the true reality i was living. So try to remember how terrible things feel, not to dwell because i'm hopeful you'll begin to feel better REALLY soon, but to remind yoursef that you were doing it really really tough just now, and making the decisions you had to.

Oh, and a little PS - my life was a lot like yours with the un-helpful and mean partner and once we split up i began to feel MUCH MUCH better, and i could cope with the baby much more easily too. SO hang in there, thingswill get easier.

[aleatha5]

Sorry to hear that you are not having the BFing relationship you imagined.

You should check yourself into the hospital on a 302 (mental health commitment). The lovely thing about that is that the hospital can't refuse to admit you if you don't have insurance, additionally, you won't have to pay the bills if you can show you are indigent. The 302 commitment will give you a break from all your stressors, should allow the doctors to stabilize your medicine, and will get you access to more/better counselors. Also, then your ex-bf can bring in your son to bf on occasion if you still want to try it, but if not, the absence of you may make his transitioning to bottles easier.

But, get yourself to the hospital ASAP, they can help you.