Is finding out the gender at a scan harder to deal with that at the birth? - Page 3

[DivineMrsM]

Originally Posted by Juniperberry

This is an interesting question and I can see it working both ways. With DS1 I just knew it was a boy and I was really happy to have a boy first because I had always longed for a big brother and I wanted my kids to have a big brother. So we found out at the scan, named him and that was that!

With DS2 I will openly admit that I REALLY wanted a girl. I mean really really really. I think deep down I knew he was a boy but I had convinced myself that he was a girl. I found out at the ultrasound at 20 weeks and was pretty miserable for the rest of my pregnancy - privatly with myself as I've never had the nerve to tell anyone close to me.... not even DP knows to what extent it affected me. I know this wasn't good for me and the pregnancy. I kept telling myself that when DS2 was born I'd bond instantly and it wouldn't matter what he was. I was hating myself for feeling like that. It was really awful. When he was born of course I loved him, but the bond didn't come straight away, it was so horrible... I felt so so awful. Remembering how it had been with DS1. Even now I feel awful. It took a few months to really bond with him. I love him unconditionally and have a tight bond with him now.... but I do still want a girl. We've always said we want at least 3 kids and I'm looking forward to having a third eventually but at the same time I'm really terrified at how I'm going to be if it's another boy. How selfish am I?? I'm still working through these feelings with myself. I'm secretly jealous of my friend who has 2 little girls. Anyway, I'm sorry if this is a ramble. I'm just wondering what I'd have thought if I'd have waited till birth? I think I would have taken it better. I think having all those months to dwell on it didn't help at all...

So.. in conclusion to that, I think it's probably best to wait till the baby's born to find out the sex. Phew! Mabye I shoudl prepare myself to do that next time... Hmm...

my reaction was just like that. my first was a boy and i was a little disappointed, but not much. i had always wanted my boy first and i got him. and i always KNEW i'd have a daughter. with my second pregnancy, it was SO different, that it HAD to be a girl. i don't want any more kids, so it didn't occur to me that i wouldn't have a girl. well, he is a boy. i found out at my scan, and i am very grateful that i did. i was DEVASTATED. it sounds awful and i don't admit it much, but for the first day or two after my scan, i didn't want to be pregnant anymore. i was so upset. i cried for days.

at 26 weeks, i got a 3D scan. as soon as i saw his gorgeous little face, i didn't care that he was a boy. he was BEAUTIFUL. when he was born, i had my dream birth and we bonded instantly. it was amazing.

but i am glad i found out at the scan so i had time to grieve the loss of a daughter and move on. i'm now thinking about having another baby in a few years, but if i do, i will go into it being prepared for another boy and i will get the scan again.

[DivineMrsM]

Originally Posted by mouey77

I really, really wanted to have this baby be a surprise at the birth, but DH was sort of on the fence. Our U/S tech took a picture of the baby's gender and put it in an envelope for us to open later if we changed our mind. DH put it in his safe at work. We have two daughters (6 and almost 3). Our youngest didn't really care, but our 6 yr old started to get anxious and said, "It would really help me to know if I am getting a brother or sister." We had such a rough time with her younger sister (reflux, sleep problems, multiple food allergies) that I think she was worried about having the same thing happen. After asking us a fourth time, we finally caved last week (at 35 weeks!) and opened the envelope. I will miss having a surprise, but to tell you the truth, since I didn't care either way, I am sort of relieved to know what I am having and it renewed my enthusiasm about welcoming the new baby. I know it's such a personal decision though.

so what are you having??? don't leave me hanging! lol

[mouey77]

Ha ha! I was positive I was having a boy this whole time, so we concentrated on boy names. Nope, it's a third girl, so now we are trying frantically to come up with a name. I think my oldest is relieved to know, but she was disappointed. She wanted a brother.

[ShadowMoon]

I wasn't immediately thrilled when I found out I was pregnant so at the time I didn't care what gender the baby was.

I would prefer finding out during a scan because it would give me time to mentally prepare and get to know my baby better. I personally wouldn't be able to stand the suspense

[Ceinwen]

I found out with my first (girl) and wished I'd waited. Didn't find out with my second (also a girl) and was very happy with the surprise ending.