Homeschooling and it's effect on behavior

[Phoebe]

I am really sold on homeschooling and hoping I can get dh on board so we can begin next year (1st grade) at home. Ds1 is in a 1\2 day kinder program right now. He never did any preschooling or much time away from home before this. He has always been very bright and quite observant and mild. However, since this school year has begun I have noticed a marked change in his behavior. He walks around constantly calling me "stinky", "poopy" and other silly things. I really am pretty easy going and we are not prudish in any way around here! But, it's getting on my nerves and is beginning to get a very disrespectful feel to it. He has been asked to stop and he just continues. This is really just one example. To be quite frank, he acts like a real turd these days. He interrupts me, dh or grandma by sticking his tounge out and making ugly noises and jumping around when we are trying to talk to him.
I know that some of this is just typical 5.5 year old boy behavior. However, it seems to be running rampant right now. He is just so disrespectful and obnoxious...this is not my child! He has always been so polite.

Could I expect him to behave differently if homeschooled?

[prairiebird]

I think it depends, because I swear, no matter what- homeschooled or not, my sons do the same stuff. When my 7 year old was 5, he was trying to teach the baby to say, "butthead". Blegh. And when they go to some of the bigger gatherings like 4H or some of the library homeschool clubs, there are kids there that jump right in with the poop jokes, even when they've been homeschooled their entire lives. (Just the other day, the librarian read them a story about a coat that came to life, and another little boy decided it would be hilarious if the toilet came to life and bit a person's butt. And I know for a fact his mom keeps a rather calm and more Christian oriented viewing/listening material household. I'm sure they don't watch anything with butt-eating-toilets, yet, this kid came up with it.)

So I don't know if you'll see a huge difference in behavior if it's just a "toilet jokes are funny and calling mom a poopy head" stage they are going though, but they might be exposed to less of it or it will remain in juvenile form rather than morphing into more serious behaviors if that's what they get exposed to at school. I still have one in Kindergarden public school, and she get's called a fat-youknowwhat sometimes because she's chunky, so now she knows that word even if we don't use it at home. If I had convinced DH to homeschool her as well, she wouldn't have been exposed to that word because the kids she would be playing with at Cloverbuds or library club wouldn't be calling her that most likely.

[Phoebe]

Your poor dd! That is just terrible. THat would break my heart in 2 peices.


Well, I supose it really isn't just the poopy stuff. That in itself I really don't mind. I am just bothered that it is directed at myself and other adults when it has been addressed before. Also, it's talking about things like "my lightning ray power kills people" and using hands as guns, etc.


I'm just dismayed that he is away from me and comes home with all of these things. I have no role in what he is exposed to for 1/2 a day and next year will be pretty much his entire day. That really bothers me. I feel like he is being raised by someone else now.

Having issues here!....

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by Phoebe

Could I expect him to behave differently if homeschooled?

I would certainly think so. He's at a very young and impressionable age, and he's just reflecting what he's been witnessing. It's probably magnified by whatever uncomfortable feelings he might be experiencing. After we'd been homeschooling for a while, a friend reminded me that I'd told her, when my son was in school for 1st grade, that I was losing my sweet little boy - but I'd forgotten all about that, because my sweet little boy was back. I could barely even remember what it had been like before. - Lillian

[craft_media_hero]

My daughter's behavior has markedly improved since homeschooling. She still is 6 and cops an attitude, but in general she's grown by leaps and bounds in the manners and maturity department. I think that homeschooling will definitely help alleviate the problems you're seeing because he won't be bringing home negative learned behaviors from other children.

My girl has begun to notice other kids' acting up, and I'm proud to say that during group activities, she is usually very focused and respectful to the other children and adults. This is a huge turnaround from last year when she was in ps K, when she was normally the "class clown" or disrupter. I really think that giving her the opportunity to feel very solid in her own self has let her see these behaviors from another perspective---before it's like she was doing it as a "defense" mechanism or smth.

Anyways, short answer: yes, I think it will help. Homeschooling has helped my daughter in non-academic ways, and we've only been doing it a short time (this is first grade for her).

[bandtmum]

My son (7)is so different since I removed him from school, he is now polite and helpful. I seriously lost my sweet little child and am so glad to have him back. This change wasn't overnight though it has taken the best part of the school year. My friends who don't homeschool always say that they think what we do is great butthat they couldn't do it themselves. i couldn't either with his previous behaviour but with his current behaviour he is a real pleasure. Now the 4 year old is a different matter altogether!!

[craft_media_hero]

me too, bandt.

I feel like I have my little girl back. Even if she came out totally illiterate at the end of the year, I still would think that it was worth it because of the internal change I've seen in her.

[meetoo]

Originally Posted by Phoebe

44
I'm just dismayed that he is away from me and comes home with all of these things. I have no role in what he is exposed to for 1/2 a day and next year will be pretty much his entire day. That really bothers me. I feel like he is being raised by someone else now.

Having issues here!....

That is exactly why I started homeschooling this yr (first grade).

[Phoebe]

Well, its good to know that this can be reversible!

[PGTlatte]

I know from experience that our oldest son's behavior and attitude are at this age very easily influenced by who he spends time with. The influence of one particular child in our neighborhood was so much a problem that we decided to actively limit his exposure to this child during the summer. It made a big difference in his behavior to remove this child as an influence. I can only imagine what we would be dealing with if he was around a child or children who had a similar effect on him, 5 days a week in school, and without an adult around who would provide the guidance that DH and I do. It could be a lot of negative influence to overcome. So yes, I do believe that our son's behavior is positively influenced by him not being at school.

[completebeginnings]

I have had a similar experience. Mu dd who is 6 spent the summer playing out with her ps friends. My dh asked what happened to our sweet child. She was mouthy and bossy and complained and was worried she was fat (wth). With in one month of the kids being back in ps she was back to her old self.

[craft_media_hero]

Originally Posted by completebeginnings

I have had a similar experience. Mu dd who is 6 spent the summer playing out with her ps friends. My dh asked what happened to our sweet child. She was mouthy and bossy and complained and was worried she was fat (wth). With in one month of the kids being back in ps she was back to her old self.

oh my gosh, my then-5-yo was doing the "I think I'm fat" thing starting last year when in ps K. I would walk her across the playground hearing "I hate myself because I didn't brush my hair" from the older girls that she looked up to. I am so glad that she's not hearing that toxic thinking anymore! I want my girl to grow up a bit and be far more solid in her own personality before we'll think about ps again. luckily our charter allows the child to take to ps classes starting in middle school---so maybe then, but only dependent on where she's at emotionally and if she can handle the peer pressure. sorry to hijack!

I feel you, tho, OP. That's where I was at last year, about mid-year I started feeling very strongly about hs-ing for first grade, and then I started doing research and gently exposing my DP to the idea. I don't think you will regret it.

[mamatoady]

With my dd, who is now 7, it comes and goes in phases. I think they find the words funny and wish to use them, but don't know how in a more appropriate way (really what appropriate way is there for some of those words?) but I think, too, they experiment with sarcasm and humor and interactions/communications with you and everyone else. I find it important to remind them that namecalling is unacceptable and that respectful behavior is expected of them. I think reminders of vituous qualities comes in handy.

"Jacob, I love seeing how respectful you are being with XYZ"
"Jacob, the kindness you are showing that kitten is so nice to see"
"Jacob, thank you for telling the truth, that is so important."

and when you aren't seeing these things you can note...
"Jacob, I need to see you being respectful of property."
"Jacob, please use kindness when you speak to me."

And, again, kids model what they see. So, if you are as you expect your children to be, I think though they still try new behaviors out, they will be passing phases and will return to using good behavior.

Sarah

[ILoveMyBabyBird]

i don't know if homeschooling will help in that area or not. My 3 yo ds sees his 7 yo cousin once a month or so, but picks up quite a bit from him in that time. My nephew has a more urban dialect, and my ds picked up saying 'wha-say', rather than saying 'what did you say', it is very irritating for some reason, but when ds says 'wha-say', i just reply 'what did you say' and ds will then say 'what did you say'. But my point is, is that all it takes is one or two exposures of some phrase, etc. and a lo may be repeating it for weeks. Not that my ds is by all means sheltered, my dh uses swear words in both english and hindi, and i'm ashamed to admit, but ds knows more swear words in hindi than regular hindi vocabulary.

[RiverSky]

My son went to kindergarten, learned those sorts of things, too, then when I started to homeschool him after that, they slowly but surely went away. I've often said that the only thing he learned in his year of kindergarten was a country song and some bad behaviors. (we don't listen to country music in our home, so that was something he wouldn't have learned here)

[zacharysmom]

we made the switch at the end of fourth grade i have had nothing but postive things happen. im so happy to control what he is exposed to and thati have a choice and can allow him space to explore diffrent things and im there to guide him and answer questions when he was in public school he was learning som epretty vial things.

[Barbaraxx]

My DD had changed a lot since she was homeschooled. She was a litter gossipy and loved to complain before. I used to tell her that is not right but what I have done was useless. I really feel distressed for a long time. But now I feel much better. Besides, DD has great improvement in her study. We are using the online program:http://www.beestar.org/index.jsp.every week,we do the 2 exercises on it that can also compete with other kids from different states. I will also receive the automatically sent Email from Beestar, telling me whether the kids are doing well or not. I feel confident for homeschooling.

Lisa