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PPD and CPS - BIG UPDATE post 156 - Page 8

post #141 of 164
Quote:
Originally Posted by guestmama900 View Post
Yes, he is home. He is happy, healthy and hilariously funny.

We went to Macy's this morning to get santa pictures and they turned out really good!

I also read a letter from xBF's lawyer to my lawyer - the jerk is LYING to his lawyer!!!! He is taking EVERYTHING I said out of context! Good thing I have it all on tape.
Mama, of course he's going to lie. He wants custody! The niceties are over and the fight is on . Please heed the good advice given by the ladies in this thread, they have BTDT. I'm sure your lawyer is also giving you the same advice as well.

Document everything. All the times he visits or doesn't. When he gives money or how long he goes without giving anything. Document ANYTHING pertinent to the care of your son and relevant to your court case. Don't rely on your memory. Remember, this is not about trying to separate your son from his Dad, it really isn't. It's about who your son is going to live with and who is going to make legal decisions for him.

Yay for Santa pics!
post #142 of 164
I just stumbled upon this thread and while I have nothing to add I just wanted you to know there was one more person out there sending you lots of good vibes of strength and serenity.. you are doing a great job
post #143 of 164
It sounds like you're doing great, Mama! I'm happy that things are working out better for you. I also agree with everyone else. Don't let him take your breastfed baby overnight anymore!
post #144 of 164
Thread Starter 
Ok, another update.

I wasn't too worried about overnights - the last one went very well.

NOW though, I'm VERY worried about overnights. The CPS social worker came back tonight - baby was in a GREAT mood, and was laughing and playing with me. We had a good time while she was here. She asked more questions, talk to me some more about how things are going.

She also told me that she got an email from someone (she can't say who of course) telling her to investigate whether or not I'm hitting the baby. Umm...NO I'M NOT. Thankfully she seemed to think it was a ridiculous allegation, and the baby only has a small bruise on his head from falling into the dresser earlier (both me and my mom were right there, so she saw it too). I don't even think the social worker saw it, its really small and hardly noticeable.

xBF has a very long history of psychiatric problems, and I'm beginning to think that they are resurfacing right now - I wonder if he's on the brink of losing it. I almost wonder if his mother is losing it too.

Ugh....things just keep getting worse.
post #145 of 164
Dear OP,

I have not been in this exact situation, but if I were you and reading what people had posted, I would not be letting that baby out of my sight. I know that you want DC to see Daddy....and that can happen, but on your terms until you are obligated otherwise. You have been given good advice from people here who have BTDT. I know that pp said about the same thing, but I guess I will repeat it.

I am thinking of you and look for your updates. I know that at your age I was not worldly about people not being out for my interests. It is hard to believe, but I think that some of us can't mentally fathom how messed up some people are so as to wreak havoc on another person's life. That unfortunately has happened to me and it caught me completely by surprise and I felt so naive. Sounds like you may be kind of catching on and seeing the light. FYI, people in professional/academic settings are not immune from this. I think that you are better to be safe than sorry in terms of baby's safety, custody, and perhaps even personal safety to keep xBF at a distance and definitely his mother.

Regarding the bruises, I know that my DD went through a period where she had a lot of bruises and these are normal, but to the uneducated they might look like abuse. I was hoping that DD would stop falling and reduce the number of unsightly bruises. Sounds like your LO is entering this phase. I don't know if other mothers have advice.....like documenting to avoid these types of accusations....photos and video. I would also be leery of x-BF/mother abusing and trying to pin it on you. Another reason to not let him out of your sight. They have already shown you the level to which they will go in treating you and I would not expect a lot of them.

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this, but I am glad that you are finding joy again in your life and enjoying your baby and that you have your family to support you through this difficult time.

Best
post #146 of 164
Your ex and his mother tried to make you think you were crazy and a bad mother, hoping you'd give up and leave. That didn't work, so now they're trying other underhanded methods. They're not stable, and this is why I would not voluntarily give them unsupervised visitation until it's settled in court.

Have your ex's psychiatric problems been diagnosed? If you haven't already, be sure to mention that little tidbit with the social worker, lawyer, judge...

Hang in there!
post #147 of 164
I've been following this story since a little before I registered and I can't help but finally speak up: you know that your ex and his mother are disturbed. You know from the constant barrage of news reports that such disturbed people do terrible things to their babies in these circumstances. It is not even appropriate for your child to be away from you, his nursing mother. You are facing a custody dispute where every second he's had the baby will be a tick in his favor towards gaining some physical custody. And he's playing dirty.

You are undermining yourself and must desire to fail on some level if you persist in giving your child to people you know have abusive tendencies. I get that your self esteem must be trashed and that you want to be the good girl, not the "evil ex who turned my kids against me," but get a grip! Being a martyr is going to hurt your child in this case. Stonewall the abusive slug.
post #148 of 164
Hey, mama. I just read the entire thread and want to send hugs your way. Reading what you had to say at the beginning moved me to tears, you just seemed so in dispair. I am so happy that you took control of the situation and that things are looking up. Your exboyfriend and his mother sound like a nightmare. Like many other posters have said, leveling a threat like taking a child from his mother is horrible. I can't think of anything worse that could be done to a parent. Hang in there and fight them. Again, others have said this, but you don't have to let him take the baby, and I personally would not. Even if you and your ex were on good terms, it is just not appropriate for a baby to be away from his mother overnight. (especially one still nursing!) Good luck! I'll be thinking about you and your babe.
post #149 of 164
Dear OP,
I can't offer any advice but I really feel for you, and wanted to offer some online hugs. I hope you continue to get the support and security you and baby need.
post #150 of 164
Quote:
Originally Posted by guestmama900 View Post
Ok, another update.

I wasn't too worried about overnights - the last one went very well.

NOW though, I'm VERY worried about overnights. The CPS social worker came back tonight - baby was in a GREAT mood, and was laughing and playing with me. We had a good time while she was here. She asked more questions, talk to me some more about how things are going.

She also told me that she got an email from someone (she can't say who of course) telling her to investigate whether or not I'm hitting the baby. Umm...NO I'M NOT. Thankfully she seemed to think it was a ridiculous allegation, and the baby only has a small bruise on his head from falling into the dresser earlier (both me and my mom were right there, so she saw it too). I don't even think the social worker saw it, its really small and hardly noticeable.

xBF has a very long history of psychiatric problems, and I'm beginning to think that they are resurfacing right now - I wonder if he's on the brink of losing it. I almost wonder if his mother is losing it too.

Ugh....things just keep getting worse.
How do you know the overnight "went very well" ? Do you believe what this guy is telling you? It's quite obvious that either your X or his mom sent that email. Who else even knows about CPS being involved? Whether or not the caseworker thinks it's ridiculous, it doesn't look great for court mama.

The thing is, you knowing that your X has a pyschiatric history and then allowing him unsupervised visitation, well, you're almost shooting yourself in the foot. As a PP said, you don't have to be a martyr or the nice guy in all of this. It is NOT up to you to make sure that everyone's feelings are protected. It IS up to you to look out for the well being of your son.

I know that this is all new and overwhelming for you. But please, PLEASE listen to those of us that have dealt with abusive X's and the system. Let the court decide custody and protect yourself and your son. You are well within your rights to say NO to overnight visits. Blame it on your lawyer! Tell him that your lawyer advised you to stop overnights until you get a court decision.

With this latest CPS allegation, I'd not even allow visits without me present but YMMV. From your posts I see you as a mom who has been through some tough times but clearly loves her little boy and wants the very best for him. You seem willing to bend over backwards to accomodate all parties.
OTOH, I see your X as also loving his son BUT also wanting to jerk you around in this process. NOT GOOD mama. That is not what is best for your baby and that is really selfish of him. Whatever issue between 2 parents, they should put that stuff aside and work it out for the child.

Ok, enough preachin' and ramblin'. Please take care and look out for yourself!
post #151 of 164
Thinking of you and your little guy. Hoping all is ok.
post #152 of 164
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Latte Mama View Post
How do you know the overnight "went very well" ? Do you believe what this guy is telling you? It's quite obvious that either your X or his mom sent that email. Who else even knows about CPS being involved? Whether or not the caseworker thinks it's ridiculous, it doesn't look great for court mama.
I know the overnight went well based on how my baby was doing when he got home. The first time he was away overnight, the instant he got home he clung to me for 2days straight - wouldn't even sleep unless I was right next to him. This last time though, he greeted me and went straight for his toys - happy as could be. He wasn't as clingy, although he was eager to nurse, and he let me do things out of his sight - although he sticks pretty close to me anyway.

The second CPS report actually goes in my favor in court - the state of NY absolutely HATES getting false reports, and when CPS is used as a form of harassment the courts get ticked off. The state is actually in the process of turning false reporting by abusers into a felony with real prison time. xBF will not likely be on the receiving end of all this, but if he keeps it up it might come back to bite him. Keep in mind that we're both law students - so this could very well come up on the character and fitness part of the bar for him, and lying to a government agency doesn't look too good for him.
post #153 of 164
I've been in a situation like this so I just wanted to tell you to hang in there.
post #154 of 164
Thread Starter 
Quick update:

I applied for an apartment today, keep your fingers crossed that I get it!! I'm SO hoping I get it - its in the PERFECT part of town, right by a park, and its easy to get to school, and into the city. I'm also nearby friends, and easy to get to. I really hope I get it, its small but I loved it. It's a little expensive, but my parents will help me out with the incidentals until I'm done with school. It will be my first every apartment all by myself - and I can't wait to move in!

Also, visitation has been going smoothly. xBF has been showing up almost on time every time (yes, I'm documenting). We are going for every other weekend (Friday night - Sunday morning at first) and 2 afternoon's/week. I'm not excited about 2nights away from me, but I think it will be ok. This little man is very attached to nursing, and I don't think we're in any danger of him weaning. Also, I want to be viewed as the cooperative parent, and I really don't want xBF to be out of my baby's life - xBF really does love him, and baby needs a daddy who loves him. Baby also deserves a relationship with his daddy, even if I really don't like him.

Keep thinking positive thoughts please, and keep praying if you pray. We go to our first hearing next week, and I'm really scared xBF is going to get full custody (I will contest it if he does, and I don't think he will - but I'm still scared)
post #155 of 164
wishing you the best of luck at your hearing!
post #156 of 164
Thread Starter 

BIG Update!!

We had court today. It went GREAT!!!!!

I'm thrilled, really. My ex has a good visitation schedule, which I really wanted (he's a good dad, and loves his baby and I want him to stay involved), but baby is moving with me into a new apartment!!!!! I'm so thrilled, I really can't stand it.

Thanks for all the support, thoughts and prayers - it really helped me stay calm today when things were rough.
post #157 of 164
post #158 of 164
that's wonderful
post #159 of 164
SO happy to read things are going well for you! I have been praying for you for a long long time. This must mean so much to you!

post #160 of 164
Great news!
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