Please- how would you handle this????

[Still_Learning]

Ds, 5yo, and I are very sick with strep. This morning he picks up dd's (6 mo) stuffed bunny that she sleeps with and coughs on it. He looked at me first and smiled mischeviously then laughed after he did it

we've been going over and over with him not to cough on things, he knew exactly what he was doing

I was angry. I told him I was angry. I told him I was about to lose my temper and needed space, so he tried to cough on it again. I took him out of the room and yelled at him (I hate when I lose it and yell, not normal for me. I've never been thus sick in my life and am just plain spent. I was considering going to the hospital last night. Luckily I'm starting to feel better)

so day goes by and I'm rocking babe to sleep for nap. Ds comes in here and picks up the bunny, pits it to his mouth and coughs on it again

I just am at a loss. What do you do ???? had to get so space from him so he's in his room right now. I'm furious though

he's been doing things like that a lot lately. Things he knows are over the line. (screaming in my face after I tell him the phone call I'm on is important....)

why is he pushing my buttons and how in the world do i handle it?

Ive been trying to never show when I'm upset, just kind and firm. I make him fix his "mistakes" when possible (throwing water in kitchen). But it's not getting better and I can't always keep my poker face ( bunny incident)

what can I do? I'm afraid I'm starting to resent my own child. I can't believe I'd ever even feel anything negative about him.

edited to add: I just tried to talk to him about it and am lost. i'm crying and telling him how upset i am about what he did and he's laughing and jumping up and down saying he's having fun. i yelled again (i'm freaking out) and he cried for about 3 seconds until i sat down and wept. he then started playing on the couch, jumping up and down and laughing.

i left the room and am just at a loss. what is wrong with my kid that he thinks this is fun?? what have i done wrong? i'm so scared.

[chfriend]

WWID? Remember he's sick, he's 5 and not get into a thing over it. If I'm sick too, I just quit making rules and go about getting everyone through.

Hope everyone feels better soon. Hope the strep makes him sleep long and hard.

[sunnmama]

Aw, you haven't done anything wrong, and there is nothing wrong with your ds. He sounds like a typical little child, acting out from feeling yucky, maybe bored, and maybe jealous of his little sister.

How would I handle it? Probably badly if I were sick . On my best day, I would underreact with a simple "that's not cool", and work on preventing it from happening again.

About having passing negative feelings toward your child....normal!!!! We love them right through it all, but negative feelings are part of every relationship sometimes.

[Still_Learning]

thank you, it's very comforting to hear my feelings are normal. they are just so foreign to me.

i wish i could blame his behavior soley on being sick, but he's been like this for a while now


is this normal for a 5 ear old? he never shows any remorse at all and gets an absolute kick out of pushing me until i snap (again, this has only happned maybe once or twice before. i don't yell)

so that's normal?

Originally Posted by sunnmama

Aw, you haven't done anything wrong, and there is nothing wrong with your ds. He sounds like a typical little child, acting out from feeling yucky, maybe bored, and maybe jealous of his little sister.

How would I handle it? Probably badly if I were sick . On my best day, I would underreact with a simple "that's not cool", and work on preventing it from happening again.

About having passing negative feelings toward your child....normal!!!! We love them right through it all, but negative feelings are part of every relationship sometimes.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

When the family is sick, its all bets are off and everyone is in survival mode. Forgive yourself for losing it and do whatever you need to get through the week -- even if that is a week of TV, pizza delivery and gingerale. Seriously.

But, if AFTER you are all well and life has gotten back to a routine this is still an issue, then you might want to try several things. First, yes, sounds like a normal high energy child with a baby sibling. And normal mommy of the same.

Second, IMHO mis-behavior is rarely "fixed" by any single step. I think it takes a multiple pronged approach. In my life, this looks like fixing systemic things about the household that might be contributing to the problem, preventing repeats of things I don't like (e.g. removing bunny to safe place when not in immediate use) and imposing natural (when possilbe) or logical (second best) consequences as appropriate.

I always look at environmental underlying causes and try to fix them. Basics like enough sleep (for everyone, including you), good food at appropriate intervals, lots of outdoor exercise are the first steps. Would participating in organized sports help? How about some sort of other activity that he is big enough for but baby is not? In your case, seems like your boy might be after your attention, so how much just you and he time does he get and can you increase that, especially when he is behaving nicely. Other ways to acknowledge that he is a "big boy" and thus gets special privilages that the baby does not?

At the same time, I don't think there is anything wrong with requesting/insisting that a child play elsewhere when he cannot play nicely around baby and/or yourself. Not necessarily a traditional time-out per se, but "If you can't behave here, please go play somewhere else."

[Still_Learning]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I really appreciate all of your time.

So yes, we have to get through being sick. Poor kid has had a fever for 8 days!! We are all so worn out. I'm terrified that my 6mo will get it over the weekend. Ugh.

I will step back and try to think of something to make DS feel special, something for just him and I.

Bunny will be in my lap with babe while we rock from now on. I had DS make ammends by washing bunny. He got to unload the dryer, put the clothes from the washing machine in and put bunny in the washing machine, he loved it (Wish I enjoyed doing those things!)

Our main problem is when I rock babe for naps. DS can't stand to be quiet and away form me. Tomorrow I'm going to set up a corner of my room as his comfy spot with books and quiet things. DS can sit int ehre with us while I get babe down, maybe he won't feel left out during that time that way.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Originally Posted by Still_Learning

Our main problem is when I rock babe for naps. DS can't stand to be quiet and away form me. Tomorrow I'm going to set up a corner of my room as his comfy spot with books and quiet things. DS can sit int ehre with us while I get babe down, maybe he won't feel left out during that time that way.

This used to be a really challenging part of my day too (kids are now 6 and 10, no more naps here). If it makes you feel better, my 3 1/2 YO DS used to go find a corner or the furniture and deliberately pee everywhere. I am SO glad those days are over. Which is to say, hang in there, they do outgrow this stage.