does cosleeping cause bad sleepers?

[Luke's mama]

Just wondering--I am cosleeping with my 18 mo old ds, have been for over a year, and he wakes so often and seems stimulated be me, and I just think of all those mainstream parents with babies in cribs that supposedly go down unassisted and sleep through the night and wonder if co-sleeping actually causes restless sleeping and extra waking? Especially since so many posts on here are about how badly our babies, esp. toddlers, are sleeping? I am not going to stop since I am afraid he would just cry and I don't want to CIO, but am curious what others think?

[lian]

I've just been wondering the same thing. DD's only 9 months, but she's SUCH a terrible sleeper. I was talking to the two other guys at work who have younger babies, and one sleeps through the night fairly consistently, the other one had a "bad" night last night and woke up 3 times. And I don't think either of these two did CIO for more than a few minutes at a time anyway. I would pay a lot of money if somehow dd would only wake up 3 times a night - a good night for me is about 8-10 times.

Anyway, no advice, but I've been struggling with this lately too. I almost feel like it's my fault that dd sleeps badly, and I'm starting to get worried that i'm going to cause sleep issues for her later in life because of this. I too am very against CIO, but I'm starting to doubt myself.

[Natsuki]

The cosleeping parents whose kids and babies sleep well rarely post their success stories is one reason.

I've coslept with both kids (actually for winter we moved DS 3.5 back into our bed - he sleeps at the foot of it). They are both great sleepers - don't wake up. DD (9 months) only wakes to eat a few times a night and sleeps deeply and easily next to me.

I think that some kids cosleep easily and others are too stimulated by it and sleep better alone.

There is no rule that you HAVE to cosleep - it is a helpful parenting tool to be used when it works well. If sleeping is not going well, then my mantra is to change things (whether the sleeping arrangements or my attitude about them).

I would experiment with the child sleeping in the same room in a crib or on a mattress on the floor vs. in the same bed with you and see if they sleep better .

[Louisep]

Originally Posted by Natsuki

The cosleeping parents whose kids and babies sleep well rarely post their success stories is one reason.
.

Exactly.

This question gets posted on here about every 3 weeks. Many of us with poor sleepers chose to co-sleep to improve the situation, thus poor sleepers created the co-sleeping, not vice versa. We tried various sleeping arrangements before the family bed and nothing made a difference. The family bed allows ME to get more rest is the only difference.

Sigh. I wish it would be so simple as to move DS into a crib

[mamazee]

My dd co-slept until about 3.5, and now at 7 sleeps FABULOUSLY. If only I could sleep so well. She didn't sleep through the night until 2. But she sleeps like a rock, 10 hours solid, now. Wakes up happy and ready for the day!

[pixiekisses]

We have excellent sleepers, all co-sleepers.

[kelly]

Our twins coslept until about 10 mos, transitioned to their cribs without any fuss after that, and continue to regularly join us in our bed during the night after easily falling asleep in their own beds. They are excellent sleepers, usually good for a 10 hour slumber. Some folks are just good sleepers, some aren't. We got lucky.

[Honey693]

DD is still cosleeping the majority of the time and I wouldn't describe her sleep as good or bad. It's kind of eh.

[Aliyahsmommy]

I think it all depends on the child. We moved our daughter to her own crib in her own room at 3 months old and she slept so peacefully and very soon after slept through the night 12 hours or so! Before this she had been an awful sleeper so I knew when we moved her that she was just a baby that needed her space and her own quiet place.
Now however at 2 1/2 she has moved back into co sleeping and sleeps better in our bed. This is somewhat unfortunate however as I do not sleep well when co sleeping since my daughter is quite a wild sleeper and I am currently looking for a way to end the co sleeping and get her peacefully back into her own bed. Not to mention baby #2 is coming in the next week and I'm afraid the night time nursing will wake her and when woken in the middle of the night she gets terribly upset. I'm at a loss really! Anyways got a little off topic there.

[tanyam926]

All of my kids have/are still cosleeping and they are good sleepers. My oldest (almost 7 yrs) falls asleep by himself and sleeps in his own room all night w/my middle son (4 yrs old). The 4 yr old nurses to sleep and sleeps in his bed for the first half of the night then comes into our rm and gets in his toddler bed right next to us.

Baby sleeps btw me and dh. It's been a gradual transition w/no tears.

Have confidence that you are doing the right thing. If the mainstream way of making kids sleep alone/CIO/etc. worked so well then we wouldn't have so many Rx drugs for insomnia/sleep problems, so many books dedicated to the subject, and so many people who have serious sleep issues.

I can't think of a better way to build positive sleep associations and habits than to let baby fall asleep feeling safe, warm, and happy, and to continue to allow babies/kids to sleep where they are most comfortable. Just common sense IMO.

The notion that in order to sleep well as an adult a child needs to be traumatized and therefore associate loneliness, crying, and sadness w/sleeping is absurd.

[Maluhia]

Our DD coslept and still comes to our bed sometimes and is a great sleeper, rarely if ever wakes up in the night even as a baby other than eating

[fruitfulmomma]

I've bedshared with 5 children so far and have no problems with them sttn from fairly early on. Which doesn't mean we don't have our days (or rather nights) when things are out of sorts, but so do parents whose babies sleep in cribs.

And I agree if things aren't working it may be time for a change.

[bettyjones]

Just hear James McKenna speak. So inspiring. We all have sleep personalities whether solitary or cosleeping. Cosleeping has a lot of benefits for babies

[Blueone]

My son is 4 months and we tried the crib transition but he slept horribly. He would wake up at 2 and then not go back to sleep for more than a few minutes if I left the room so he's back in our bed and sleep really well. He will wake up at 3 to eat, then go back to sleep until 6. He used to sleep 12 hours straight, but is now at sleep regression, but I guess I can't complain too much because he only wakes once.

My friend though shared a story of her SIL who has kids that co-slept until they were 3 and sleep horribly. I guess it just depends on the kid.

[EnchantedMamma]

I come from a family with sleep problems. I don't think anyone really know all the answers when it comes to sleep.

I don't think that co-sleeping necessarily creates poor sleepers. I suppose it could contribute depending on circumstances. Every family should decide their limits in terms of how much interruption (to the parents' sleep) they can tolerate, as well as how long they want to welcome their child to spend entire nights in their bed.

On the other hand, co-sleeping won't guarantee a 'good sleeper'. You DO need, IMHO, to decide what sleep habits you want and help your child to learn those habits.

For our family, we co-slept until DS's kicking and scooting (he liked to sleep parallel whenever he had both parents in bed...lol) got to be too much for us. I think that it was probably around 1 year old that we knew we HAD to start transitioning him out.

I was unwilling to CIO. Luckily, DS was pretty 'easy'. From the very beginning we had put him in his crib whenever he would stay asleep there. If he woke up crying, he came to our bed.

Once co-sleeping needed to end, we started putting him consistently BACK in the crib. We would stay with him until he fell asleep, holding hands, singing, etc. My sleep suffered terribly and I thought it would never end. But DH took turns (turns out to be much easier with daddy, for some reason) and we survived.

We have moved his crib from our room to a spare room a few months ago (this made a HUGE difference...wish we'd done it sooner but couldn't). We have a queen size bed in the baby's room where we read stories and cuddle before putting him to sleep.

At 18 months, we are now able to put him down once he is drowsy, tuck him in, and walk away. If he fusses, we return and announce our presence (hold hand if necessary, though it's usually not anymore), and then he settles back into sleep.

I'm glad we did a gentle 'bed weaning', and I'm so glad my sleep is getting back on track (with medications, but that's another story...). However, I don't think he would magically be a 'good sleeper' just b/c we co-slept. We had to gently encourage him to relax and sleep in his own bed when he seemed ready. Not only did WE need him to leave our bed, but I noticed that he slept more restlessly with us at a certain point.

Good luck!

[meemee]

yeah i think its a personality thing.

by two my dd was waking up at least once a night. i know it was hunger. she had a huge nursing and then slept thru the night. however seh didnt stop waking up till she was almost 3 1/2. i am kinda vague because it was qutie a while before i realised she had stopped waking up at night at all. i still wake up and have never gone back to STTN.

however in my dd's case i can say that cosleeping helped her sleep soundly at night when she did sleep.

you know i had friends whose kids were in cribs. but i just could not do it. the fact if she woke up looking for me and i wasnt there... i just could not bear that thought.

however even those parents with cribs their kids go thru changing sleep pattern too.

now if i had a child who was a v. light sleeper and would wake up the moment i turned or something was different, then yeah i may do a cosleeper or crib.

but i cannot imagine a child being restless because they are sleeping with someone. i can see them being disturbed by a parent and waking up.

my dd has anxiety. she is a v. anxious child. i didnt know that then. i know cosleeping has truly helped her with that. the reassurance of me being right next to her is HUUUGE to her.

i remember when we were kids we were finally moved out of the family bed when i was 6 and my brother 4 because he moved around sooo much. that did not stop when he had his own bed or when i coslept with him. he was by nature a restless sleeper.

[mntnmom]

It certainly seems that way when they're small. But studies of ADULT sleep show that we all wake up multiple times during the night. The difference is, those "great" sleepers who had to CIO learned that they were alone at night, and no one was coming to them. It MIGHT work better in the short run, but I wonder what kind of distance that puts in a parent-child relationship when that is one of the first lessons a baby learns.

[noobmom]

DS was a poor sleeper--and that drove us to co-sleeping. Around 2.5 yo his sleep really improved and he goes to bed and stays asleep easily now. We still co-sleep because I love it now. 18 mo was a really tough age, especially since DS seemed to get his second wind with nighttime nursing, but hang in there. Hopefully things will get better soon!

[starling&diesel]

We've coslept with our almost-10-month-old since birth (and before, I guess!), and she's a great sleeper. She stirs 2-3 times a night to nurse, and other than that sleeps great. Here's hoping that continues and we can keep on being one of the success stories. It's great hearing from other families who sleep well!

[beingmommy]

I think it is definitely a personality thing. HOWEVER, I wish I could find a book about co-sleeping written by someone who had a bad sleeper! My DS (29 months) is a *terrible* sleeper. Always has been. I am currently so sleep deprived I am wading through my days. But all the co-sleeping books seem to have been written by people with easy babies. They just snuggle down and the child is asleep! They read them a bedtime story, pat them and they all fall asleep! They all relax in the living room and the child falls asleep and they carry them to the bed and everyone is blissfully happy! La la la. I makes me a little bitter when I read them.

Still, I am a firm believer in co-sleeping. In the long run it's a short time for me to be sleep deprived.