Cat or Dog? NEED ADVICE!

[Bisou]

Ok mamas! I am a single mama, so I sometimes drive myself crazy as the sole decision maker in our household, spending literally HOURS weighing pros and cons without anyone to discuss things with, and I am hoping that I can talk this through with some reasonable adults (that's YOU ALL! ) and come to a good decision.

I will apologize ahead of time for being long-winded. That's just my nature! Plus, this is kinda complicated.

My son (who is 4 years old) and I just lost our cat. I'd had my beloved kitty, Kona, for 16 years, from the time I moved out of my parents house right after high school, so this has been hard.

Both my son and I want to get a new pet, not because we are so wracked by grief that we have to have one, but more because we, specifically I, want something happy in our lives right now. We've been through a LOT in the last two years (check out some of my other posts!!!) and I want something happy and cheerful in my life. We both deserve it!

I love dogs and grew up with and trained dogs, but I've never had one as an adult because, until now, I haven't lived somewhere where I could have a dog. I really want a dog, but I am not completely sure that a dog will work in our lives. This is what I am trying to work out.

My son is also begging for a dog, and I think a dog would be a lot more fun for him. Dogs are so much more interactive than cats, and though I love cats too, dogs are such happy animals and always ready to interact. With cats, interaction is on the cat's schedule and up to the cat's mood, which often doesn't correspond with yours. Do I feel sad and want to cuddle? The cat isn't having it. Am I grading papers and on a tight deadline? The cat is all over my lap. Dogs are always happy and excited to see you and play with you. They also respond to commands and training, whereas the cat will just give you the feline equivalent of an eye roll. I do love cats, but think my son would have a lot more fun with a dog.

We are thinking about a pug. I wanted a pug long before my son was ever born, but wasn't allowed to have a dog where I've lived previously.

Here's the dilemma. Actually, there are several dilemmas!

Dilemma #1:
This is the biggest problem. Since I am a single parent, my parents are very involved in our lives, for better or worse, and my son spends at least one or two nights a week at their house. Though I grew up with pets in my parents' house, my parents have now become completely anti-pet. They said they wouldn't allow any pets in their house, period, even for a short visit. If I got a dog and wanted to visit my parents, who live a 3-hour round trip away, I would not be able to stay the night unless I either boarded my dog or found someone to take care of the dog, which isn't exactly easy. This would mean no long visits, no staying overnight on Christmas, and that sort of thing, which really complicates the situation. If my son and I visited, we wouldn't be able to visit for more than a few hours before we'd have to head home (2 hour visit + 3 hour drive = 5 hours of puppy being alone.) This sucks and is the biggest problem for me because it would really limit the amount of time my son and I could spend with my parents together. (Ok, maybe that would be a good thing? LOL.)

Dilemma #2:
As I mentioned, I am a single mom. Am I really ready for the level of commitment a dog will require? I do work at home most days of the week, and only have to teach on campus one or two days a week for a few hours. The rest of the time I am working at home online. This means I would be home most of the time with the dog, but it would definitely give me less flexibility and would add more things to my to do list. I couldn't leave work, pick up my son from preschool, then go to the play area at the mall or go to dinner with friends for the rest of the evening, as we sometimes like to do. Instead, we'd have to come home to let the dog out. It would definitely make my schedule more complicated.

Dilemma #3:
We live in a high rise apartment building up many, many floors. It's extremely dog friendly, but it's not exactly easy to let the dog out to potty. I've thought about using one of those "porch potties," which could go on our balcony. It's essentially a piece of grass (real or synthetic) that sits on a plastic tray and the dog can potty on that. I've also been reading about litter training with small dogs. One of these options would keep us from having to go outside at inconvenient times, like the middle of the night. I also worry about possible barking and bothering the neighbors. I've heard pugs don't bark much, and this has been confirmed by several sources, but you never know.

There are many positives too, however. I know that if I had a dog, I'd be outside more, getting more exercise. There are tons of dog owners where I live, and there's a lot of socialization that goes on with that. I also know that a dog would be very good for my son. He is extremely gentle with animals, and I know if he had a dog, he would feel more like he had his own special friend. I know I felt like that with my dog when I was little. A dog would want to be with him all the time, and I think it would help him feel a little less alone and maybe even help with some of his behavioral issues. I think it might give him something else to focus on. I also like the fact that you can take dogs with you to many places, like the park or the beach. They are true companions.

I do like cats, and a cat could be an option for us, but I want to make sure that if I get a cat, it's because I WANT to get a cat, not just because my parents are pressuring me not to get a dog. Alternately, I want to make sure that I am getting a dog for the right reasons, and not just because I am feeling rebellious towards my parents. It's frustrating because I am 35, yet my parents still exert tremendous control over my life, and their reaction to this pet situation has really confused the whole issue for me and made it difficult for me to see straight. I want to make sure I am choosing the right pet for the right reasons.

So, advice? Should we get a dog? Is a dog going to add too much stress to our already stressful life? Or will a dog bring so much joy to us that it will outweigh the complications? Do any of you have pugs? What do you think?

Thanks so much for your help!!!!

[Krisis]

Boy I don't know. I love, LOVE dogs. But I am such a bad dog-owner. They are so much work, soooo soo much work. If you were going to get a dog, I would definitely recommend getting an older one that is already potty trained.

I love cats because they are so independent, but you're right, they have their own terms. My own two cats are wonderful buggers, but they still have issues. Dogs are much lovier. But SO MUCH MORE WORK.

Sorry I don't really have anything helpful to say. Good luck with whatever you choose. Pets are such wonderful little creatures to have around.

[Bisou]

Originally Posted by Krisis

Boy I don't know. I love, LOVE dogs. But I am such a bad dog-owner. They are so much work, soooo soo much work. If you were going to get a dog, I would definitely recommend getting an older one that is already potty trained.

I love cats because they are so independent, but you're right, they have their own terms. My own two cats are wonderful buggers, but they still have issues. Dogs are much lovier. But SO MUCH MORE WORK.

Sorry I don't really have anything helpful to say. Good luck with whatever you choose. Pets are such wonderful little creatures to have around.

Hi Krisis:

Thanks for your reply. I know, it's a hard question! Do you have dogs as well as cats?

I definitely don't want to make a decision I regret either way. I've just wanted a dog for soooo long, but my life is pretty hectic. It's almost hard to know if it would be worth the work and scheduling complications to have the joy of a dog. Hmmmmm. Such a hard decision.

Thanks for replying!

[grahamsmom98]

I think you need to ask yourself what is best for the pet.

Add stress to your life, you also add it to the pet's life.

As you already know, pets are a full-time commitment. It sounds as though you have your hands full these days (I didn't read any of your other posts, just basing it on what you just said!).

Honestly? I would suggest you and your son enjoy you new "freedom" and NOT get a pet that requires interaction and the problems it may present regarding your parents. Not at this time, anyway.

Without a pet to care for, you can do more things without worrying about the dog or cat at home. Less bills to pay (food, vet, boarding fees, possible grooming costs). You have the freedom to do what you want, when you want and not thinking about Barky or Fluffy, at home. No problems with your parents (well, at least no pet problems! ), as well, which could also cause tension/resentment between them and you son.

An added thought: Are there any elderly people in your building with a dog? Perhaps you and your son could help them with the dog-walking and playing, if it is difficult for them. Your son could have interaction with the dog, learning about them, and learning the responsibilities of owning a dog. It would also help the elderly person. You could make a new friend and also not have the burden of being the actual pet owner! Just an idea.

[RiverSky]

I think you should wait one-two years. 4 year olds can be really rough on pets. I know that some rescues won't even adopt pets out to families with such young children. After that, I think it would be best for you to get two cats, so they can keep each other company when you are out of the house, and when your son is away for the night. It doesn't sound like the best life for a dog to have to be cooped up in an apartment and if the dog gets sick and needs to be walked say, in the middle of the night, what do you do? Wake up your four year old and go walk the dog? Or leave your four year old alone in the apartment while you walk the dog? Neither option sounds good to me.

In the meantime, I suppose you could try a guinea pig or a hamster.

[Bisou]

Originally Posted by RiverSky

I think you should wait one-two years. 4 year olds can be really rough on pets. I know that some rescues won't even adopt pets out to families with such young children. After that, I think it would be best for you to get two cats, so they can keep each other company when you are out of the house, and when your son is away for the night. It doesn't sound like the best life for a dog to have to be cooped up in an apartment and if the dog gets sick and needs to be walked say, in the middle of the night, what do you do? Wake up your four year old and go walk the dog? Or leave your four year old alone in the apartment while you walk the dog? Neither option sounds good to me.

In the meantime, I suppose you could try a guinea pig or a hamster.

Thanks for your reply, but it sounds like you didn't fully read my original post. I know it was long!

My son is EXTREMELY gentle with pets. We just had our cat until a week ago, and he has never ever been rough with the cat at all. He has never hit an animal or pulled a tail or even pet the animal roughly. From the time he was a baby, I taught him how to properly pet our cat with a gentle stroking, not a rough patting. Animals love him. In our old neighborhood, the neighbor cats would come running to our door when they saw our car pull up! We never gave them treats, not even once. They were coming to see my son! People in our neighborhood jokingly called him the Cat Whisperer. So having him around a pet is definitely not a problem.

Also, as I mentioned in my first post, I work at home 80% of the time, so I would be home to walk the dog and play with the dog (if we got a dog) multiple times during the day. The dog breeder said a "porch potty" (explained in my initial post) could work for the middle of the night potty trips so I wouldn't have to take the dog all the way outside. I've definitely already considered the idea that it would not be feasible to wake up my son in the middle of the night to take out the dog.

That said, I know there is a lot to think about here!

[Bisou]

Originally Posted by grahamsmom98

I think you need to ask yourself what is best for the pet.

Add stress to your life, you also add it to the pet's life.

As you already know, pets are a full-time commitment. It sounds as though you have your hands full these days (I didn't read any of your other posts, just basing it on what you just said!).

Honestly? I would suggest you and your son enjoy you new "freedom" and NOT get a pet that requires interaction and the problems it may present regarding your parents. Not at this time, anyway.

Without a pet to care for, you can do more things without worrying about the dog or cat at home. Less bills to pay (food, vet, boarding fees, possible grooming costs). You have the freedom to do what you want, when you want and not thinking about Barky or Fluffy, at home. No problems with your parents (well, at least no pet problems! ), as well, which could also cause tension/resentment between them and you son.

An added thought: Are there any elderly people in your building with a dog? Perhaps you and your son could help them with the dog-walking and playing, if it is difficult for them. Your son could have interaction with the dog, learning about them, and learning the responsibilities of owning a dog. It would also help the elderly person. You could make a new friend and also not have the burden of being the actual pet owner! Just an idea.

Hi Grahamsmom:
I think the idea of walking a neighbor's dog is a good idea, though the people in our building aren't that friendly. We do go outside where they have a dog park (right outside our building) and frequently play with and pet the dogs there.

I did grow up with dogs and trained and showed dogs as a teenager, so I definitely know what dogs require. I even trained dogs for other people, with an expertise in potty training! People would sometimes leave their dogs with me for several days to be trained. So I wouldn't be a new/inexperienced dog owner. I just haven't had one as a parent, so it would be figuring out if I could reasonably balance all the things I need to do as a parent with the needs of a dog.

As far as what's been going on in our lives, my son and I were victims of an attempted violent crime in May. A stranger, but a neighbor in our old neighborhood, tried to break into our house when we were home to rape me and cut me up with a box cutter---this is what he told the police. As a result, we had to move, and I chose this building because I felt too scared to live in a normal house or apartment.

It's been a horrific past few years with one trauma after another (including my son being seriously abused at a daycare when he was two), so that's why I feel like we need some happiness, something to make life more full of love and joy. We've had plenty of sadness, fear, and anger.

If we didn't get a pet, I don't think that'd give us a sense of freedom. We don't ever have the chance to travel or do anything other than be at work/preschool (a few days per week) and at home, so that's why I am thinking it would be good to make the "at home" part more enjoyable for us.

I know a cat would be no problem as I've had a cat for the past 16 years. I am just wondering if a cat is going to be the right pet for us or if a dog would bring us more enjoyment and happiness.

Definitely a dog would cause problems with my parents, but pretty much everything I do causes problems with my parents. Even simple things like deciding to sign my son up for gymnastics or take my son trick or treating because they think it's too dangerous. I was raised by people who my entire life talked me out of doing things I wanted to do because they feared it wouldn't work out or would be too dangerous. This is not the point of this post, so I won't go into a lot of detail, but suffice it to say that they have exerted tremendous and unreasonable control over me my entire life, and I have let their fears and anger prevent me from making choices that would've made me a much happier, fulfilled person than I am today.

It's not so much a question of whether we will get a pet at all, but which KIND of pet is going to be right for us, and for the pet. I agree with your comments there! I am super responsible and very thorough in thinking things through, and I'd never get a pet until I had figured out all the complications that might arise. That's what I am trying to do with this posting. I would never get a pet then sell it or surrender it to a shelter. I think that's terrible! If I did get a pet, I would not, under any circumstances, feel that I could neglect the pet because it wasn't working with my lifestyle. If I had a pet, I would definitely do what was needed to keep the pet happy! I know you guys don't know me, but that's my personality and my code of ethics. After reading the last few posts, I am getting the sense that people have envisioned me as possibly someone who would just neglect or mistreat a pet, or at least not give the pet what was needed because it wasn't working with my lifestyle. That's definitely NOT the case!

That said, a dog would be a lot more time intensive and would require a lot more attention and following of specific schedules. I am just trying to figure out if I could make this work BEFORE getting a dog, if that's what we're going to do.

Thanks for your replies!

[Krisis]

Originally Posted by Bisou

Hi Krisis:

Thanks for your reply. I know, it's a hard question! Do you have dogs as well as cats?

I definitely don't want to make a decision I regret either way. I've just wanted a dog for soooo long, but my life is pretty hectic. It's almost hard to know if it would be worth the work and scheduling complications to have the joy of a dog. Hmmmmm. Such a hard decision.

Thanks for replying!

This is where I found myself last summer. I've wanted a dog for years, and finally got a puppy over the summer. We also have 2 cats.

I was totally unprepared for how much hard work it was going to involve. It was like having a newborn baby, honestly. People said how hard it was going to be and I brushed them off... whoops.

In the end, we had to rehome the puppy because I ended up having major surgery and couldn't take care of him properly. I loved that dog, but it was SO hard taking care of him. I am thankful for the experience I had with him, because now I know that I cannot handle a puppy! At least not till DS is much older! That is why I would say get a cat, because they are just much easier little beasties.

I also like the idea of finding a friend who needs their dog walked or played with - that way it's like having a pet without as much stress!

[LeahBoo]

When I first started reading your post, I got to the part where you live in a high rise, I thought, no way. I lived on a ground level, walk 10 feet to the grass and it was a huge pain with the dog I had. She routinely got up several times a night and HAD TO go out (I tried ignoring her as a puppy, not a good idea). But you mentioned the patio thing, or litter box, and yeah, that could work.

I LOVE my dogs (I have three - no kids though) and in your situation, I'd get a dog. But keep in mind, dogs are not always happy happy friendly people pleasers. They can be standoffish, and manipultive, or scared of everything, or just plain bad .

You never really know what you're gonna get. When I got my most recent dog, a dachshund mix older puppy, I knew exactly what I wanted: Happy, friendly, fairly quiet, trainable, off-leashable, potty trained. I met him at a shelter adoption event. He was awesome. I didn't want to make a rash decision, so I took him home to foster. He got along great with my dogs, didn't harass the cat, scratched on the door to go out, didn't bark once, stayed right by me outside. Then I sighed the adoption papers. Then he barked. His bark is frequent, and the most shrill, high pitched, sound I have ever heard. He also got over his "I love you mommy, I must stick close" and has decided bolting is more fun. I have discovered his "other half" is terrier. And his personality is all terrier. So with most dogs, a few times of ignoring the bolting and going in the house or driving away in the car (not far, of course) might cure it. But no, harley is small and fits under people fences. Into yards with big dogs . So, leash it is. It's not bad, but I really wanted just one dog to be leash free. I adore him though. He is cute, and sweet, and cuddly, and smart, and so freakin charming.

You are 35 years old, you're allowed to have a dog if you want one.

But yeah, alot of work. It really can be restrictive. But it's worth it to me.

[Bisou]

Originally Posted by LeahBoo

When I first started reading your post, I got to the part where you live in a high rise, I thought, no way. I lived on a ground level, walk 10 feet to the grass and it was a huge pain with the dog I had. She routinely got up several times a night and HAD TO go out (I tried ignoring her as a puppy, not a good idea). But you mentioned the patio thing, or litter box, and yeah, that could work.

I LOVE my dogs (I have three - no kids though) and in your situation, I'd get a dog. But keep in mind, dogs are not always happy happy friendly people pleasers. They can be standoffish, and manipultive, or scared of everything, or just plain bad .

You never really know what you're gonna get. When I got my most recent dog, a dachshund mix older puppy, I knew exactly what I wanted: Happy, friendly, fairly quiet, trainable, off-leashable, potty trained. I met him at a shelter adoption event. He was awesome. I didn't want to make a rash decision, so I took him home to foster. He got along great with my dogs, didn't harass the cat, scratched on the door to go out, didn't bark once, stayed right by me outside. Then I sighed the adoption papers. Then he barked. His bark is frequent, and the most shrill, high pitched, sound I have ever heard. He also got over his "I love you mommy, I must stick close" and has decided bolting is more fun. I have discovered his "other half" is terrier. And his personality is all terrier. So with most dogs, a few times of ignoring the bolting and going in the house or driving away in the car (not far, of course) might cure it. But no, harley is small and fits under people fences. Into yards with big dogs . So, leash it is. It's not bad, but I really wanted just one dog to be leash free. I adore him though. He is cute, and sweet, and cuddly, and smart, and so freakin charming.

You are 35 years old, you're allowed to have a dog if you want one.

But yeah, alot of work. It really can be restrictive. But it's worth it to me.

Hi LeahBoo!

Thanks for your post. It made me laugh! It's like that dog was thinking, "Ok, I've got to be good until she signs those adoption papers. Ok, she's signing it, yep. The ink seems to be dry. Going into the envelope. Lick! Stamp? Check! In the mailbox. . . . .Wooo hooo! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!" (Not that I am not sympathetic about your barking problem, but the story is just kinda funny, like he knew what he was doing!)

If I did get a dog (though I am starting to lean towards a cat) I'd be getting one from a breeder of champion pugs. I know that a lot of people think you should only get animals from shelters, and I totally respect that, but I think that sometimes, like you said, you don't really know what you're getting, where they are coming from, and how they have been treated. Even if they seem sweet, you don't know if they've been abused and could suddenly bite because some random person looks like the person who mistreated them. (I had a boyfriend who had a rescue dog like that! It was a nightmare! He was sweet with us, but I never trusted that dog.) Especially with a young child, I think you have to be really careful about where the dog comes from and know that the breeder knows what he or she is doing and has quality animals. They know how to breed for certain kinds of temperaments and whatnot.

When I was growing up, we had three dogs over the course of many years. We had two German Shorthair Pointers and one Labrador Retriever. All of them were completely loving, sweet, smart, easily trained, and wonderful with my brother and I. I think the breed has a lot to do with it, and there are certain breeds I wouldn't consider because they have the tendency to be nervous, nippy, or aggressive. One of my friends has a Jack Russell Terrier, and I can't see how anyone would want one of those (no offense to any JR Terrier lovers out there). They are completely hyper and just out of control!

I know dogs are a lot of responsibility, which is why I am really considering this carefully.

I have been thinking a LOT about how this would change our lives and make things less flexible with our social schedule. I couldn't be at work all day then go out to dinner and to socialize until 8-9 pm with my son, my friends, and their kids like we sometimes do now--at least not without a trip home to let the dog out and play with her for a bit.

I know my parents would also give me a ration of crap if we got a dog, which would be difficult. If I wanted to spend any sort of time with them, I'd have to board the dog or find someone to take care of the dog, which would suck.

Now I sound like I am talking myself out of a dog, but I want to give myself the chance to look at all options.

If I ended up with a barking dog here, that would be a big problem for the neighbors as well. I've heard pugs don't bark much (which is the breed I'd get), but there is no guarantee!

I suppose if I get a cat, I could always get a dog later, but I don't want to have too much work and too many possible vet bills to take care of!

Thanks so much for your post!!!! I definitely have a lot to think about.

[daisymama12]

Could you try fostering for a pug rescue, to try it out? I know it's a hard concept for a 4 year old.
But if you did foster, you could get a sense of how well the rhythm of your days work with a dog.

You sound very thoughtful and you most certainly deserve some joy in your life, whether it be through a dog, cat or anything else!

Regarding your parents, there just isn't an easy solution there. If you had a dog, you'd just see them less, unless they came to visit you. It doesn't seem fair... but you should make a decision on what makes your family (you and your son) happiest.

[maggiemae]

I could have written your post! I recently lost my thirteen year old cat and we got a dog several months later (miniature poodle). Wow! What a lot of work!!! Cats are soooo easy compared to dogs!. Now that we have her potty trained (I thought it would never happen and took a good 4 months), it is much easier. One thing I love is that she sleeps all night (10-11 hours). I was used to being woken up buy a cat all night.

Not that this should change your mind, but my mom, who does not like dogs, has really softened towards her. She even lets her come in her house(we live right across the street). I think she knows how much the kids love the dog so she loves her too. BTW- my kids are four, six and eight and they are great with her. Sometimes my four year old loves her too much, but just like a kid, I know she won't break. You know what else I love? No litter boxes. Small dogs don't need too much exercise either. Usually, we spend about 2-3 hours outside a day and the kids chase her around the yard.

[Bisou]

We Got a Cat!

Thanks for all your advice, guys! I was looking at this adorable kitty online (through a well-respected, very reputable breeder in our state), a gray and white Exotic, which is a short-haired Persian. The breeders brought her to my house tonight to meet her, and she was just too cute, and I couldn't resist! She was one of their favorites, and they sort of were considering keeping her and were teary-eyed when they left. She took to my son immediately, and actually liked him better than me, which is great. I really want him to have his own special friend.

Right now, as I type this, she's lying on the couch next to me. I can't believe this happened so fast, as it hasn't even been a week since I lost my kitty. I feel a little in a daze, but I think this kitty is going to be wonderful for our family.

We will wait on getting a dog for now--maybe for a few more years, maybe until we have a yard.

Thanks for everyone's advice. I wish I could post a picture of our new baby up here to show you all!

[daisymama12]

Glad you have made a decision, & congratulations on your new kitty

[Bisou]

Originally Posted by daisymama12

Glad you have made a decision, & congratulations on your new kitty

Thanks! We are really enjoying her! She's just loving on my son, which is something he REALLY needed.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!