Challenges with motivation, cooperation, getting along

[KBecks]

My son Alek, age 5 is in 4 year old preschool (late birthday). He's having some difficulties because he is not going along with the group on things. On the one hand, he's an independent, happy, confident, pretty delightful kid. On the other hand, it can be very difficult. Example: yesterday in class the children made little native american costumes, like a little vest and headband and then they had a little parade around the room..... except for my son, who laid down on the floor and refused to participate (he made the crafts but did not do the parade).

You can understand that this is difficult. I am sure it is stressful for his teacher and it's really not acceptable behavior. I think that it's possibly OK if he doesn't want to do the parade, but then he could sit down or something. It's not OK for him to disrupt the whole thing. I am actually getting very concerned.

Overall, Alek is a fine kid, he's fine academically, he learns, he's happy, etc. etc. At school he is having some problems with acting appropriately with the other kids. I think perhaps he is a little bored, I am not entirely sure what is going on. I need to get in and do a classroom observation. He seems to be doing fine in terms of participating in making the crafts and things (at least he has crafts to bring home). I know that some days he has been hellish and really disruptive the whole day in class. At home he does well, but at home I am not asking him to do as much, he gets to hang out and relax and do his own thing.

I am thinking of increasing the expectations for him at home because right now he does not have many responsibilities. I have seen him do the limp noodle, falling on the floor when I ask him to do something that he does not want to do. It's difficult and embarrassing. I need him to be more cooperative. I also am a little concerned about Alek socially. Again, he is fine and healthy and has conversations and makes eye contact, but he seems to be not that interested in connecting with other kids. A little self-absorbed, and part of me says that's he age but I worry a bit.

I'd appreciate any suggestions. I had thought this is a phase but I am concerned it is not a phase and that I need to help him learn to get along better and hopefully enjoy it.

Thanks.

[ssh]

It could be the specific preschool class just isn't a good fit. You'll know more after a visit. My DD is one of the older kids in her preschool class. It's a 3s class with several just turned 4 year olds. It's a co-op preschool so I've done volunteer time for 3 classes so far. It's really helpful seeing how the class works. In my DD's class the kids always have an alternate thing they can do if they don't want to participate.

[mummi]

Motivation is next to directing/leading. Managers can motivate their subordinates while guiding them. Motivating means encouraging people to take more initiative and interest in the work assigned. It is an art of getting things done willingly from others.

Motivation avoids clashes and non-cooperation and brings harmony, unity and co-operative outlook among employees. Managers have to work as motivators of their subordinates. For this, effective communication, proper appreciation of work done and positive encouragement are necessary and useful. Motivation is inspiring and encouraging people to work more and contribute for achieving the objectives of the company The creation of the desire and willingness to perform the job efficiently is known as motivation,..copied

[D_McG]

What is the teacher suggesting?

I can only tell you what we do at home in terms of not cooperating/following instructions. His world kind of stops. Like if I ask him to pick up toys or whatever and he refuses... then that's the end of the road for him. We just don't proceed until he does it. So if we have plans... we're planning on making cookies next (for example) then no cookies until the toys are picked up. If we had a playdate after that.. then we won't go there until the toys are picked up.

It's been years since I've had to follow through on any of that stuff. But with few exceptions (he's sick, tired, etc) I treat non compliance as if it's just not an option.