Originally Posted by North_Of_60
This I absolutely believe to be true. But is that done through gifts? Even if you're hurt that you got a sized small blue sweater when you love red and are a large, is being hurt about the relationship going to be fixed by saying "you bought me the wrong thing"? That's my point. I don't disagree with the issues. I have them too. But using a person's generosity to address those issues feels really icky to me.
What generosity? When someone knows I'm living in a small space (not super small, but fairly small for a family of six) and am trying to declutter, and
that decluttering causes me stress (which it does), and they decide to shower me with a carload of stuff, it's not about generosity. Fortunately, I don't have to deal with this crap at the holidays, but I had an incident of this ilk two years ago, which included the person doing it saying, "I have some more stuff for you guys, but your mom's probably already mad at me - hahaha". Yeah. Funny.
Sure - I should have told her to quit and just accepted that my kids were going to be really upset, but I had no idea she was going to dump all that in my lap...and she knew
I didn't want it, and was stressed about decluttering (I was very pregnant at the time and completely exhausted). So, she snuck it all in, and handed it all directly to my kids. That kind of behaviour isn't about generosity. It just isn't. (And, no - I never did address it. The woman in question is impossible to deal with, and cuts people off at the drop of a hat. While I'd happily have her out of my life, there are other people involved.)
And, yes - the issue was about clutter.
I would never say anything to someone who bought me a sweater in the "wrong" colour and wrong size. I'm not sure what I'd do if someone were consistently overloading my kids, but it would probably end up in a huge family blowout, because there's no way I'd sit back and let someone bully my child to tears to feed their own ego.