How do you stop nursing to sleep?

[EmmysMama]

DD is 18m and I am 35 weeks pregnant.

I can't nurse her to sleep anymore. It's getting to the point where I'm uncomfortable and hurting, it takes her 30 minutes to drop off to sleep, and the whole time she's twiddling/rolling/kicking me/etc. I also don't know how on earth I would nurse a newborn possibly at the same time she's doing all this!

I've tried rocking her in bed, rocking her in the rocking chair, lying down and cuddling her, cutting out just the nursing part of bedtime (leaving bath/book/bed steps intact), I can't wear her but DH has tried. He's tried the other things too. Anything but nursing gets NOOOOOO, MILK, NOOOOO MAMA! and wailing, kicking, general tantrum-throwing.

Leaving her to cry with DH in hopes that she might eventually accept it doesn't seem feasible. He has to get up at 4 am, plus I wouldn't be sleeping either. All 3 of us would be tired and cranky just in time for the new baby to arrive. At least right now it's just me tired and cranky ....

[EmmysMama]

If there's some magical secret, please tell me. I see posts all the time that say if it's not working, change it. How do you change it???

It took an hour of nursing for her to fall asleep last night. I was so sore afterward it took me another hour to get comfortable. This isn't working. Even if your LOs just stopped on their own, I'd like to know that. At least then I'd know it's not me!

[betsyj]

I've been reading the "No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers" by Elizabeth Pantley. It has some really good ideas. We have begun the Pantley Pull-off (I think that is what she calls it I don't have the book right in front of me). You nurse like normal but unlatch before the child is asleep but done his nutrituve sucking.

I would recommend checking it out from the library.

[BunniMummi]

I wore a lot of swearshirts and dealt with a lot of screaming/crying. I think I can count on one hand the amount of times I was able to detach DS1 without him pitching a fit (and we have the NCSS). I had to do it though, I was at my wits end and bedtimes were a nightmare for me. Being able to touch my breasts would help to calm him down though, of course that led to another habit... Also during the initial nighweaning/bedtime phase I would still allow him to nurse but only if he was willing to put some effort into it. Like I sat up and if he wanted to nurse he would have to do it in a position that required him to be awake.

DS2 was a lot easier, he wasn't the crazy nurse monster that DS1 was so I was able to just switch off with DH and there wasn't all that much fussing involved. Took a while before he was happy going to sleep with me without nursing but even then it wasn't nearly as big a struggle as with his brother.

[EmmysMama]

I guess she's a really light sleeper like me, because even when she's in a deep sleep (limp, not sucking at all, barely still latched on) she wakes up and screams when I try to unlatch her. I've tried over and over again. There's no way I could unlatch her before she's asleep. Then it's another 30 minutes to get her back to sleep ....

So really I want to stop the nursing to sleep. To not have to get in bed and nurse lying down until she closes her eyes. Cutting it shorter hasn't really worked, that's why I was trying to cut it out altogether. That just isn't working either.

She's already nightweaned (pretty much did that herself after I got pg) but ever since that happened she has STTN. So we haven't dealt with getting her back to sleep without nursing. This is really our first time dealing with it specifically.

I would even be willing to make DH drive her around every night, except this is one kid who doesn't sleep in the car. She gets carsick.

[Llyra]

I weaned my twins at 16 months because of a serious chronic illness, and a medication I needed that can lead to bone marrow suppression. For me, it was a matter of necessity. I HAD to wean. I agonized for weeks, and tried spacing doses around nursing sessions, and then DS had a suspicious blood count, and I realized the meds were affecting him, and that was it for me.

My DD2 was easy. She would happily go to sleep for DH and a paci.

But DS had literally never, not once EVER in his whole entire life EVER fallen asleep without the breast. We basically just had to tough it out. DH and I took turns lying with him, comforting him, and doing everything we could think of to help him figure it out. There was a fair bit of crying and screaming, and it was very difficult. We basically had to stick close to him and hold him for hours while he got through being furious at the change, and then while he mourned, and then while he struggled to find new ways to be soothed to sleep. It took about three days, and then we were finished with it.

If I hadn't been face-to-face with grim necessity, I never would have stuck with it. But we got through it, and once he got through being enraged at the change, DH helped him find new ways of falling asleep. For awhile he wouldn't sleep for me, only for DH. Once my milk was completely gone, he gradually got so that he could accept bedtime comfort from me, too.

It was really hard, but it can be done. With a baby who's very dependent on nursing to sleep, though, it may not be able to be done without crying.

[Asparagus78]

DS would nurse every hour at night, even at 18 mos. And then he weaned himself, almost overnight. I couldn't believe it, and I'm still not sure what happened, but one night, I went to lie down next to him, he went for the boob, then instead of latching on just starting playing with it. He fell asleep with his lips on the nipple, but without nursing. I tried to nurse in the am, but he wouldn't, and again refused that night. He had had a bad bout of the stomach flu the day before weaning and nursed like crazy all day while sick, so I suspect he may have thought that nursing made him sick. Just a theory. Hang in there mama.

[jennmiller]

I read an article about night weaning by Naomi Aldort (author of Raising our Children, Raising Ourselves) in an unschooling magazine. Her suggestion was to explain your expectations and reasons for night weaning while being firm about your decision as well as your belief in your DC's ability to handle this change. You could begin with a frank conversation like: My body is uncomfortable with nursing at night and I'm not able to do it anymore. What should we do instead of nursing? or Let's try this instead. Her advice is to remain calm, sympathetic to your child's feelings, and steadfast in your belief that she will be able to handle this transition, even while she is throwing a fit in the middle of the night. She recommends staying with her and telling her that you will help her through the feelings she is having, but that this decision is final and, again, that you know that she will be able to get through it. I know with my daughter my attitude toward any situation greatly influences her attitude. If I lose it and take the stance that whatever we are going through is the worst possible thing that could be happening right now, she'll likely think so too. But if I can remember that even if this period of difficulty lasts for a few weeks it's still but a small blip in our lifetime it helps keep us all calm. Remembering that this period of difficulty WILL come to an end, likely very soon gave me the strength to be calm and strong for her. I was able to nightwean my daughter this way. The key for me was staying calm, not taking on her emotions, and remaining sympathetic, loving and firm in my decision. I really hope this helps.

[Luke's mama]

I hope this isn't a too obvious comment, but have you tried a pacifier? maybe you could sneak it in as you detach and that would help her stay alseep.

[Jackies Ladybug]

they really do have to go through a bit of a "grieving" faze, at least in my experience.
you will have to guide her to finding new ways to fall asleep on her own without the breast. it can take hours of walking and rocking and singing and patting and switching off with daddy and going outside and playing calm music and trying a bath, but when it gets down to it, they are going to be PISSED about it, and thats ok, they have to work through it with you there to help and reassure. there is no easy way to do it other than when you say no, mean it, and dont budge because it wil make it 1000000X harder to say no the next time.
in a lot of cultures the mothers leave their children with a grandparent for a few days to complete the weaning cycle. while you may not want to wean entirely and dont have to, it may be good to have other family members or dedicated friends able to take her for a few nights to help teach some self soothing techniques. i dont know, take it or leave it. i dont know if i could do it. i have an easy sleeper right now so i dont have to worry about it. arm chair jockey is always easiest!