Please Help Me Get My Baby to Sleep

[ctrygirlatheart]

My DD is driving me nuts and I really need some help before I lose my mind. She is almost 5 months and I have been trying to get her to go to bed at a reasonable hour for several weeks now. We have a bedtime routine that we follow (get in PJs and diaper change while singing softly, then into bed with her rain music and nurse to sleep) and I have tried laying her down anytime between 5 pm and 9 pm but nothing seems to work. She either will pop on and off the boob and roll around while fussing or she will fall asleep and then wake up when I try and sneak out of bed or get my boob out of her mouth or she will fall asleep and then wake 10-20 mins later crying.
Now she will generally fall asleep pretty easily when my husband and I go to bed at 10 or 11 and she will wake to nurse every 2 hours or so, BUT when she is up that late she is very tired and VERY cranky. If she wasn't so cranky I wouldn't be rushing to set a bedtime but at the end of the day my patience has really worn thin and most nights I end up in tears. She will fall asleep if I wear her and walk/swing/bounce for about 30 mins but I am not able to set her down without her waking and frankly at the end of the day, 30 mins of doing that isn't what I want to be doing. My husband has a broken leg so he is unable to help me with any of this.
Interestingly her naps are fantastic. She goes right down to sleep nursing no problem and will sleep anywhere from 45-90 minutes 3x a day at fairly regular times. And we fell into this routine without even trying.
SIL, MIL, mom and BF are all telling me I need to move her out of our bed and let her CIO but I WANT her in our bed and the couple of times I have even let her fuss it out she is genuinely emotionally upset about it so to have her CIO I think would damage her and damage our relationship. She really is very sensitive and other people just don't seem to get it.
I NEED some help here though, I don't know how many more nights I can go through this without losing my mind. I either need DD to be reasonably happy until we go to bed OR I need her to go to bed earlier. PLEASE HELP ME!!

PS We had 4 consecutive nights of her going to bed and staying asleep at 8:30 about a week ago and then she got her first vaccination (just one) and everything reverted back to normal or worse than normal.

[treegardner]

At that age we started putting DS in his crib at bedtime and then bringing him in bed with us at the first night waking. We had his crib in our bedroom and the transition went really well for us.

[LadyCatherine185]

I'm sorry you are feeling so frustrated by this.

At 5 months old, I think you are having some unreasonable expectations. If she is used to going to bed at 10pm it is going to be near impossible to force her to go to bed so much earlier. I would try to gradually make her bedtime earlier, if that is really important to you. Though, it seems whenever they finally start following some sort of pattern it changes that much quicker at that young age. Once teething, developmental milestones, etc start taking place, her sleep patterns are going to change again. Going with the flow and accepting nightwakings and late bedtimes is what is going to make your life easier and you more peaceful.

That said, if you really want her bedtime earlier, I would start by starting bedtime routine around 8 pm. At 7:30, I would turn all of the lights/tv/stimulation off in the house. Encourage quiet play (if she is playing) and talk in whispers. This will signal her body to start getting sleepy. Then at 8:00 maybe give her a bath (if she likes them) and a massage to get her relaxed. Then continue with your normal bedtime routine and keep everything dark and quiet. Maybe try a fan for white noise? You will probably have to stay in bed with her once she is asleep for a few nights so she gets used to going to sleep that early. You may have to also wake her for the day earlier so that her sleep time shifts. This may or may not work for you.... If it does work, it is going to take a lot of work on your part to change her sleep pattern. And like I said before, it is subject to change again once she starts teething, etc.

Have you read The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley? It is a great book with a lot of tips on how to help your baby sleep better, and has a lot of info on infant's sleep patterns.

[ctrygirlatheart]

Probably should mention that she is teething and has been for about a month.
It also doesn't help that SIL and BF have babies at 3 1/2 months and 7 months who go to bed without any problems within 1 week of CIO. They are convinced that the co-sleeping, night nursing are problems and tell me so every time we talk. I can't tell them to jump as these are two of my nearest and dearest. And THANKS for listening to me!

[penstamon]

We are going through a similar situation but fortunately after a week or so of earlier bedtimes, DS goes to sleep by 8:30 now at the latest and sleeps until 7 or so in the morning (although he wakes up a LOT to feed). What has worked for us is the early start to the night routine- a bath is great to clam him if nothing else works, plus no TV/music/loud noises. I nurse him, lay him down, and pretend to sleep next to him while he fusses a bit, but not always. A paci and white noise are our fallbacks and sometimes he just needs a little time to get accustomed to sleep.

We recently had problems with our 4 month vax destroying our sleep this week. Who knows, DS could be teething too! I think we are just blessed with babes who do not love to sleep all night

Try not to let your friend and SIL get to you- I have heard the same thing from friends, family, and strangers. Its obnoxious, but go with your gut and you and your DD will get through this.

[Icehockey18]

Our ds is 5 mo and we had the same problem about a month ago. He would stay up till 9:30 or 10 and it would be a struggle to get him down every night. It drove me to tears too, I feel your pain! We are now in a routine and he's asleep between 7:30 and 8:30 (depending on how late/long the afternoon nap is). We start 'winding' down about 6pm. This includes bath time, pjs, and limited noise. If the tv is on it's low volume and all lights are out. Then at about 7-7:15 we go in the bed room with the lights out and white noise. We quietly sing and talk and he is on and off the breast until he's ready to nurse to sleep. I do have to stay with him so i bring my phone so I can read emails, etc... It forces me to be done with my day (bathing, dinner, etc...) by 6 but it's what works for ds... I've learned there is a fine line between too early and too late for ds, so try different times. I also noticed the more calm I am and the less I try to 'force' a bed time the better the out come.
It is hard for me sometimes to turn in so early, but I know this won't last forever and it helps ds get more sleep, which he needs.
Good luck! and don't let others convince you to CIO!!!! It will get better!!!

[Jayray]

We also slowly made DS' bedtime earlier (but we did it a long time ago--starting around 6 weeks). Depending on how stimulating the day was, sometimes he wakes up several times before staying asleep for a couple hours. We always just go in and rock him back to sleep. Do you have a rocking chair or a glider or an exercise ball? We finally broke down and bought a glider and it was the best purchase. He still fights sleep a little bit when rocking, but I can't get him to nurse to sleep anymore at night.

[Thinking Mama]

Both of my DS's found teething to be very stimulating; it seemed to have the same sort of effect on them that caffeine has on me. Also, when they were about to reach a big mobility milestone (start crawling, standing, or walking), they had a hard time winding down and going to sleep at night. I, too, have friends who say that their kids go to sleep "with no problem" after a week or so of CIO. Maybe they do, or maybe it's selective memory, but in any case, that isn't a choice I'm willing to make, so for me, it's one night at time, sometimes one hour at a time. It's what works for us.

[mamabutterfly]

nak... but sounds like a lot of napping. maybe transition from 3 to 2 naps? (keeping awake longer for second nap thru play/outings)

also hylands teething tablets helped us w/teething.

unfortunately, if you aren't going to CIO, it's prob easiest not to talk a lot about sleep issues w/friends who do. talk to us instead!

[Lilly Milly]

Like the PP we adjusted DD's bedtime (to around 7:30) at around 6-8 weeks. She is 4 months now. I don't nurse her to sleep though. Perhaps if you start creating a bit of time between nursing and putting her to sleep that will help. It may be our unique experience, but if she falls asleep nursing for naps I don't wake her up (of course), but she never seems to sleep as long when she falls asleep nursing. It's like she wakes up mad thinking "hey! where did my boob go?")

Just a diaper change and the bedtime routine after nursing rather than before. It took more effort (15-20 minutes rocking, swaying, sing, swaddling, etc) to get her to sleep for the first week or so, but now it takes 5-15 minutes and she goes down well. We wait 5 minutes after she falls asleep in our arms to lay her down. We do cosleep but only after she wakes up to nurse at night. I nurse her when I go to bed and usually she stays asleep for this then back in the bassinet. We are transitioning to the crib very soon though (just to start out the night) and I hope things don't go haywire!

Anyway, good luck. Hope this helps!

[Momma Moo Martin]

, Momma. I cannot really offer too many suggestions for getting your LO to sleep. However, after reading your post I did want to say that I would suggest you refrain from talking about how tired you are, how the baby won't sleep, etc. to people who do not believe your parenting style because you are voluntarily give them a ton of ammo to go after you and how you are raising your kiddo. I understand that they are your nearest and dearest but if you're constantly hearing about how your baby should be sleeping through the night and CIO is not that big of a deal, you may just begin to believe it. The added stress of the opinions of others does not help the situation and can make you feel like poo. If you need to vent, come back to MDC! We all understand. :yawning

Hang in there, Momma.

[woodchick]

Our DD2 is 8 months now and her night sleep looks like this-

Nap from 7-8:30
Up with Mama and Papa, playing or nursing or whatever
10-10:30- pjs and bed with DH and I
I'll nurse her to sleep and roll her into the sidecar.
2ish wakings with nursing back to sleep
7:30ish wake for the day until nap around 10

Once we realized that that nap from 7-8:30 was really a NAP and not 'going to bed for the night' our lives became much less stressful. We expect her to wake and it does't throw us off any more.

Good luck! I know how hard it is to feel so tired at the end of the day and having LOs who need all your attention (mental and physical, both!)

[ctrygirlatheart]

Thanks for all the advice and hugs from everyone. You all have given me a lot to think about and try and I sincerely appreciate it. I'll post back about what is or isn't working for us. I seriously would be lost (and possibly out of my mind) without everyone at MDC. Right now I just need to get through these teeth breaking through and then the experiments will begin again.