Feeling overwhelmed and helpless

[MeredithK]

You know it's bad when YOU wake up crying...not the baby! I'm having a hard time and just need to vent a little. Actually, it's my DS that's having a hard time. We've been dealing with breastfeeding issues since the beginning and it's not getting any easier. Brief history:

*First I had a painful bleb that led to a plugged duct. No fun and the pain from the bleb continued until very recently.

*Baby started to fuss at the breast while eating.

*Due to skin pigmentation on breast and deep pain and DS crying at the breast, called midwife. Decided it was thrush. I went on Diflucan. Took baby to Dr. They said no thrush.

*Still crying at the breast...went to Lactation Consultant. She thinks thrush so we start to use All Purpose nipple cream.

*Still crying, but my pain starts to fade.

*DS won't stop screaming. No sleeping during the day. Go to Dr (different Dr). Dr thinks either reflux (lots of other signs of this) or colick. Try Zantac for 4 days see if it helps.

*DS was a different baby for 2 days, did great!

*Now, we are back to SCREAMING when eating and that can last for about an hour after.

I don't know what to do. I don't think I have an overactive letdown. I would do anything to help him. He screamed so much last night that he was hoarse. It is so sad. I feel helpless. I try everything that I can think of. I feel like I've read everything that there is about fussiness/crying while eating.

He doesn't sleep at all really during the day, so I think that I am also just overwhelmed by not getting stuff done. He sleeps at night though, which is great (and baffling). It's hard to make the transition to being on someone else's schedule (this is just hitting me after 6 weeks!).

Sorry so long....I think I just needed to get this out there. Thanks for reading this.

[Spiralshell]

Oh my goodness Mama - that sounds very nerve-wracking!!!
I am still figuring out the breastfeeding thing, so I have no advice, but I couldn't read that without sending you a hug
Please go easy on yourself -- clearly you are under a lot of pressure in a really challenging situation! Please take a moment today, take a deep breath, kiss that baby, and look in the mirror to tell yourself that you are doing an amazing job and are being a great mom. You will get through this!!

[Therese's Mommy]

Have you considered food allergies? What do baby's poops look like? Are they green/mucusy? Any blood in the diaper? The most common offenders are milk and soy. You could try eliminating them completely (check for hidden sources). It takes a while for it to pass out of each of your systems. I am blanking now on how long it will take (which is pathetic because I have dealt with food allergies with a nursing child), but I think it will take a couple of weeks to clear both of your systems. It is possible to see some improvement in a couple of days. Sorry things are so tough, I am sure you will figure out what the problem is and things will get better

Beth

[MeredithK]

Originally Posted by Therese's Mommy

Have you considered food allergies? What do baby's poops look like? Are they green/mucusy? Any blood in the diaper?

I did think about food allergies. I've been off dairy/soy for a couple of weeks. His poops look pretty good...golden mustard colored, no blood. He had a diaper rash but that is clearing up. My Dr did ask to see a poopy diaper when we were there, so if we end up going back this week, I'll bring one for him to look at, too.

Would a food allergy present itself so quickly after eating?

[BlueEyedLady]

Although I would work on food allergies also, while waiting the couple of weeks for everything to clear your system I would also work on his daytime sleeping. When baby doesn't get enough sleep, they get so overtired and then it becomes harder for them to sleep.

I really am having to work hard on this with Sadie...Evan had issues with it too when he was a baby but she is much worse. If she doesn't sleep enough during the day she is a NIGHTMARE. Yesterday, finally, was the first day she's really gotten a few good naps lasting a couple of hours each, and it was like I had a different child last night. It was so much easier to get her to sleep, she'd stay asleep (a 6 hour stretch last night!), and she was a HAPPY baby in the evening instead of a super screamer.

[gumby74]

I don't have any advice about the breastfeeding, but wanted to let you know that if there is anything intestinal going on, try giving bifidus or acidophilis before feeding. I dip the tip of my finger in the powder and give it to the baby 2-3 times/day. It has helped tremendously!

[eloise24]

I'm so sorry It can be overwhelming when baby is upset and not being able to "do" anything can build up the stress, that's for sure! Hugs!

Erika

[zenproof]

hugs to you. at 9wks we are STILL having breastfeeding challenges. (vasospasms, over active letdown, oversupply, fussing at breast, gas, hole in my nipple still healing, tender nips in general, shallow latch - YOU NAME IT!!)

hang in there

[JamieB]

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. It is si hard listening to your baby cry and not being able to do anything about it. I don't have an advice for you but I hope it gets better soon.

[Pookietooth]

similar issues here...

[Therese's Mommy]

Originally Posted by gumby74

I don't have any advice about the breastfeeding, but wanted to let you know that if there is anything intestinal going on, try giving bifidus or acidophilis before feeding. I dip the tip of my finger in the powder and give it to the baby 2-3 times/day. It has helped tremendously!

Be very careful with this. If your child has a dairy allergy they could have a reaction to most probiotics as most contain dairy. My dd#2 had a horrible reaction when I tried to give her probiotics as an infant (huge fat hives all around her mouth, big swollen lip ). I thought it was an allergy to the bacteria, which seemed bizarre because those are things we have in our body. A couple of weeks later she tested positive for a dairy allergy and then I happened to look at the bottle of probiotics and saw that they contained diary. If you decide to do this find some that are dairy free.

I am not sure how quickly a child would react, as in I am not sure the child would react while actually nursing. Pop over to the allergy board and ask there. The women on that board are amazing and have a ton of info to share.

[Kmama2]

nak..
ill write more later but if its any consolation.... ds is also hoarse from crying so much.. and crys after every feeding...

[Kmama2]

Just wanted to add perphaps its just reflux. gas and he will outgrow it?
My other main thought from reading your post is that he must be really over tired if he doesnt sleep during the day. Babies this age shouldn't be awake more than 1-2 hours really. Have you tried everything to get him to take naps? darkness, white noise, swaddling, quiet, rocking, belly sleeping, swings etc etc?
Ds is also very unhappy I think from relfux and gas. Like I said he is hoarse from crying as well and crys after every feeding until he spits up a bunch. I am dairy free and doing block feeding, keeping him upright etc etc/ I do that if he gets over tired he screams and screams and screams so more and takes forever to settle and then passes out from crying so much. I know the naps are rough. I think we finally found a passy ds will take and Dh and I are thinking of getting a rocking chair to rock him to sleep. Naps are rough- nightime is easier although getting him to go down intially is rough.
How old is your LO? There is usually alot of improvement after 3 months.
I dunno..just that my lo crys at the breast too, after every feed too and is hoarse from crying too... I do think going off all dairy has helped a bit. Perhaps dairy just irritates reflux.

[Ms. Cellaneous]

I don't know enough to give any good advice, but wanted to say hang in there! And I totally relate to being sort of overwhelmed by the inability to get anything done all day (other than nursing/changing/rocking/walking/soothing a crying baby). It's been hard for me to adjust. I just keep reminding myself that in the big scheme of things, this is a very short period of time in which the baby will need me SO intensely, and my life is not always going to be like this. Don't get me wrong, I love and adore my baby, but it is HARD.

[Spiralshell]

Hey MeredithK -- checking in, how have the last few days been? better I hope!

[StephM76]

I'm going through the same thing.I don't have any advice, but you're not in it alone.

[lil_stinkyfeet]

My life was very similar for the first 6ish weeks. I know my lo was dealing with gas as well as being overtired.

HUGS

[boobs4milk]

i can not even put this one down so i can pee. as soon as her body touches something that isn't me or daddy, she screams. within 20 seconds of being put down, she is blue from screaming! she nurses about 16-20 times per day and in the last 48 hrs, i've had about 3 broken hrs of sleep. eta: she must sleep on my chest, or no one sleeps.

s meredith! i was crying this a.m. and my stupid dh said "what can i do to help" and then he said "but i have to go get ready for work." how i'd love to get a whole hour to just be in the bathroom alone. he had her for aboit 2 1/2 hrs yesterday while i went to dd1's basketball game and as soon as i walked in the door, he was shoving her into my arms so he could rest. he then proceeded to sleep for 7 hrs then 1 hr inh the bathroom and then he left for work. i'm to the point of delerium over here!

[tayndrewsmama]

Oh my. s to all of you. While ds is having lots of gas and some crying spells, we don't think it's anything major yet. Dd on the other hand had me thinking I was absolutely insane. She cried and cried and cried. Never slept more than 30 minutes at a time for months and months. She didn't sleep through the night until she was a year and a half either. After months of misery, I figured out it was allergies. It took years and years for us to figure out most of her allergies and we are still trying to figure out the rest. She's eight. It's not fun. It's hard and even scary at times.

I wish I had a good answer. There really isn't one though. Trial and error is all I can suggest. My dh means well, but it doesn't always feel like it. He makes fun of me for wanting to take naps during the day and whines about having to get up and change diapers during the night. The reality is that he doesn't seem to get that I am getting waaaaaaaaaay less sleep than he is and I am literally having energy sucked out of me on top of that too.

[guest93952359]

I have to go in two minutes so I don't have time to read all the replies. All the same I just wanted to send you a little cyber *hug*. I know what it's like to feel helpless and frustrated. I have four kids myself and another one on the way. Sometimes you just find yourself smack dab in the middle of difficult circumstances and you just endure them until they end... If it's colic you're probably in for a few more good weeks of screaming. Just don't take it personally. It doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong, and as heartbreaking as it is it's just something you folks all have to get through. And when it's gone it'll be an afterthought just like everything else.

I just said a little prayer for you. I hope it helps. I bet one of the hardest things is that you can't get much support from relatives when the baby's a screamer. Everyone's too scared to take that job on so you get no peace. But you'll get through it. We all get through our stuff. *More hugs*