feeling left out

[happy1nluv]

My family is very close which i see as a good thing... we do dinner every sunday at moms house... we're very in each others faces.... we're also very into food. Every sunday its the sit down - pasta, dinner, dessert... this was all well and good, but... i'm on a food journey and they are not. It all started when i had trouble conceiving (my oldest is 4 1/2) and its been happening by degrees for me. BUT, i didnt really share with the fam, since it wasn't terrible to eat that way 1 day a week... i stopped eating meat and confused them a bit, but it was just more of my "hippy" ways (i dont let my kids eat crap so they've had to clean up some of their habits but i let most of the homemade stuff slide (from scratch choc cream pie, yes. chips from a bag/candy corn, no)

Then my youngest (6 mos) lost weight and i went on the elimination diet - im now eating everything except meat (my choice, indefinitely), dairy, soy, wheat/gluten, eggs, peanuts. I feel great and don't feel deprived at ALL until i'm around my family. I've found alternatives to just about everything that i like... but to them its crap and they didnt even try it... story from last night. Mom was going easy since thur is tgiving...was going to do sundaes and cookie bars for dessert. I made roasted banana coconut "ice cream" so i could have one too... mentioned to mom that we could have that instead -- mom, got all affronted and asked who "we" was... me and my kids. got a puss on her face and was very upset that i wasnt going to let my kids have "her" ice cream (friendlys forbidden choc - she didnt make it) ... then dad made a comment about what the crap in the fridge was - i never even froze it over there. they never even tasted it, but it was crap and i was "denying" my children. I made cookies too -- they were greeted suspiciously and the only one to voluntarily try one was dad. mom and sis said they "werent bad" ... for a family that loves to try new foods they are suprisingly close minded. AND if they dont syop regarding my food - outloud - as always inferior i REALLY dont want my kids picking up on that! esp since we eat heallthy and most of what my parents think is good for you stuff i consider a treat! (they do veggies, but slather in butter/cheese, etc. ANYTHING is good if its masked by 10 lbs of cheese...)

Sorry to vent.. but anyone btdt and have any advice besides just not going so often???

[seashells]

This is SO tough.

Eating is so social, so communal. It's a huge part of the human experience, of relating, of bonding.

Tradtionally, people were all on the same page about food so it was not an issue.

Now our food culture has been warped by the food industry. The food industry sells us products based on cheapness to make (buying/shipping raw materials and processing) and addictiveness (adding sugar, HFCS, caffeine, etc.). Now we have a food culture that is no longer supporting our health - at all.

Yet food is still communal and cultural. Some of us are aware of the problems of our new, commercial food culture. And most of us aren't. Now we have a major clash.

As if that weren't complicated enough, we have allergens in the mix. The rate of allergies is skyrocketing and we don't even know for sure exactly why (lots of theories of course). So whereas traditionally there were really no food issues (maybe a rare one) now older people see younger parents talking about allergens, and it seems silly and overprotective and so on to them because they don't even understand. It's new.

And, on top of that, people who are being countercultural by eating healthier (or trying to) are all split up. It's not that we have two groups of people: SAD and healthy. It's that we have SAD and then everyone else who seem "fringe" to the majority. You've got veg*ns and TFers and paleo and Atkins and raw food and gluten-free and locavores and organic and whole foods and ... etc. Easy to wave off, especially since the different groups are, well, different. Both a TFer and a raw foodist are trying to reclaim healthy food habits that have gotten lost due to the food industry exploiting food, but those diets could hardly be more opposite. We're all kind of wandering around trying to figure out what is best. We don't know because the tradition has been corrupted. We never used to have to even think about it.

I don't have any solutions to this new problem. It's a real shame, and a real struggle. I've heard some suggestions offered - like trying to make get-togethers not revolve around food (yeah, right), or just bringing your own (and get the reactions you get). It's one heck of a mess, having this core human tradition be split like this.

[BaBaBa]

Seashells, I think you said it all.

Excellent post.

[somegirl99]

Sorry to hear you've been having a rough time.

You might want to check out this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Living-Among-M...0338528&sr=1-1

I was near vegan for a long time, the thing that held me back from going all the way was not wanting to inconvenience other people. Then one day something clicked and I thought, why should I compromise on the way I eat for other people's convenience? It wasn't an easy decision because I didn't know any other vegans at the time, but I did it. The initial reactions were tough, I think people think it's a silly fad that you're going through. It definitely did get better over time.

A vegan friend said to me once that the one trait all vegans share is stubbornness...I think she was pretty accurate with that one. You might need an extra dose of it to deal with all the allergies on top of it.

Best of luck, hang in there. It sounds like you're doing a great job so far.