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Are twins always and forever "harder" than singletons? - Page 2

post #21 of 28
My twins haven't arrived yet...but my sister-in-law just told me that her twins were far EASIER than her singleton. They are 22 now so she's been through just about everything (and about to tackle a wedding).

She said that the first year is rough but after that she thought it was easier to parent her twins than it was to parent her singleton. FWIW.
post #22 of 28
I think there will always be things about having twins that *will* be harder than having 2 singletons but otoh, there are also things about it that make it easier. For example, I have 2 singleton dd's and then my twins (3 1/2 now). My dd's are both in school and I often think to myself how nice it is to have twins while the girls are in school vs. singletons b/c they are great playmates (now - it was infinitely harder when they were younger than it would have been to have just one). However, getting them both out of the house on time is twice the battle and is very, very difficult a lot of the time. And as mentioned, personalities play so much into it. My oldest dd (a singleton) is my most difficult child so far. Like, really difficult. The twins are nothing compared to her. So there's always that sort of thing.

Overall, yeah, two singletons do not equal the same type of work involved in twins b/c the singletons are never developmentally at the same spot as each other which IMO is what makes things so tricky with twins. But I can see how her comment was a bit hurtful even though you appreciate all she's doing for her twins. Hope this made sense!
post #23 of 28
My dd is, and has always been, more work than my twins. As of three weeks ago I now have two singletons and, even when my dd is having a really good day, I still think that, for us, two singletons are harder than twins. A lot of it has to do with personality. I actually think I'm more mellow about things now than I was 9 yrs ago when the boys were born, so not sure how that fits into the mix.
post #24 of 28
My FIL, who also has twins (my dw and her fraternal twin sister) told me early on that in his experience, having twins was sometimes like having THREE kids, and other times like having only one.

When our twins are playing well together, they are likely "easier" than a singleton of their age (requiring less attention, motivating each other to do wonderful things, warming our hearts, etc.). But when things are less peachy between our twins (it goes in phases), oh my, they are WAY more difficult than a singleton of their age would be. There are competition issues that are surely more intense than any different-age siblings would encounter, at least for twins like mine who have so many shared interests (yet have different abilities in all areas).

I also have two singletons, one is nearly 4 years younger than the twins, and the other is 6 years younger. Both of my six-year-olds are fabulous when they're one-on-one with their younger siblings. BUT, I tend to think that they wouldn't be quite so great with the little ones if they had been only children before their younger brothers were born. So it's easy for me to imagine that life with only one of my six-year-olds and my three-year-old would be 100 times "easier" than life as things are (though it's terribly depressing for me to imagine that life now), but of course the dynamics would be completely different if my six-year-olds weren't twins.

I do truly believe that having three children is easier than having just two. Two was certainly the hardest for us (and, this may sound totally crazy, but I even find having four to be easier than having three!).

post #25 of 28
I haven't read the replies, but yeah, at 3.5 I think my twins are harder than one 3.5-year-old, or, say, one 3.5-year-old + a baby, or + a 5-year-old. Having two children at the exact same developmental stage is difficult, because you can't even count on one to be a little more mature than the other, but that's not really all it is. When I interact with them, I don't feel like I am just interacting with two people. I'm interacting with Lilly, and I'm interacting with Kate, but then there's this third entity that arises from the combination of their two personalities and their perpetual intertwining. It's that third entity that makes it hard. All siblings play together and fight together, but the intensity with twins (at least with mine) is just *more.* Maybe it's just my kids, but I sort of doubt they're that unique.

On the other hand, if I was not a twin parent, I would find it annoying if someone constantly went out of her way to remind me that twins are harder. That's just irritating. So, I think your SIL is right but I also think she should shut her mouth about it.
post #26 of 28

Betsy, that's a beautiful post
post #27 of 28
Thread Starter 
You MoMs have been so, so informative and generous with your words -- thank you so much!!
post #28 of 28
Originally Posted by limabean View Post
I organized a schedule (which just ended last week) where she had meals brought to her every other day for the first 3 months...
That was super amazing of you. In my next life, I want YOU for a SIL!
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