Pet cremains and child questions....

[PGTlatte]

Almost exactly two years ago we had to euthanize a very special, very beloved dog. Our oldest DS was 4.5 then; now he is 6.5. They were very close. He still talks about her. Tonight, he said he wanted to see where she is buried. I had her cremated and I have her remains. But he has never had cremation explained to him. I think he may not be ready for it and the idea of "burning" might be really disturbing to him. I am unsure as to whether or not I should show him the box with her remains, because I think he will ask to see what's inside.

He really caught me off guard with this question tonight, and I just told him I would prefer to talk about it another time. I know he will ask again...I have no idea how to handle this ! I fear the whole truth about cremation may be too much. I don't mind telling him that there was no place I wanted her buried so that after her body turned to dust, it was put into this box. But then I don't want to open it, or have him asking to carry the box around the house, etc. Ugh. What do I do ?

[mamallama]

Our standard explanation for death is that when the body stops living, it's spirit goes to be with God and it's body returns to the earth.

When our beloved dog was cremated I got the same question.

I said that we used fire to quickly change the body into a form that we could give back to the earth whenever we were ready.

[ElaynesMom]

Cremation is very common in my family, as far as people go anyways. I knew what cremation entailed well before your son's age and it never bothered me, at least not more than thinking about a person or pet having their body buried in the earth forever. Every kid is different however. If you wanted to explain it to your son you could simply say that whenyour pet died you didn't have any place special you wanted to bury her, and that you decided you would have her cremated so that you could keep her remains with you. I would just tell the truth; that cremation is when someone dies and instead of having their body buried in the earth their body is burned and the ashes are placed into a special box for you to keep. Explain that cremation does not hurt because the person (or pet in your case) has already passed away and can't feel any pain. If you are worried about him wanting to look at the remains you could explain to him that the box isn't meant to be open and that inside there is just ashes. Or, if you are able to open the box you can decide to show him once if you like just so he can see for himself, but tell him that it's a one time thing as, to put it not so delicately, ashes can be very messy if not handled very carefully. I would also maybe think about displaying the box on a shelf, or in a cabinet if he insists on wanting to see it all the time, that way he isn't carrying it around. Maybe tell him that he may hold the box sometimes if he feels like it, but it really isn't something to tote around with you?

This is such a touchy subject, and I hope you are able to find a way of explaining things to him you are comfortable with.