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Seems I'm not alone...

post #1 of 3
Thread Starter 
I have no idea why I did not come to the Mothering Forums MONTHS ago. I've known about and enjoyed the magazine since I was pregnant, but have never ventured over here. I'm so glad I did today.

My daughter turns 10 months on December 1st. We have been cosleeping/bedsharing since she was born. We held her EVERY time she slept until she was 2 months old, when I moved her onto her boppy at night between nursings. Around 3 months she wanted to sleep on her tummy, and started just sleeping beside us in bed.

From birth, she has slept only 2-3 hours at a time. Twice (I definitely remember them) she has slept 6 hours, but other than that we only hit 4-5 hours rarely. I have been mostly exhausted for a couple months now, swinging through major frustration, anger, and resentment at times.

As I'm sure MANY of you know in your own lives, I have very very very few people around me that encourage me to cosleep/bedshare, nurse on demand through the night, etc. Lots of advice to cry it out, move her to her own bed in another room or at least across our room.

"A 10 month old should be sleeping through the night"

Most days I can walk away from all of that and still be resolved to what I know is best for us and Emma. It took us a long time, and thinking we were infertile, before we conceived, and I know how much I would have given to have a baby waking me every 2 hours if it meant she were mine. Now I have that. How can I complain? It won't last forever. Some day she will sleep in her own home with her own family and I'll miss these days.

The other side that is hard is that she CAN fall asleep on Caleb's shoulder, or even with my 10 year old sister, without nursing. But NEVER with me. She doesn't want a pacifier and doesn't suck her thumb or have a "lovey". Actually, *I* am her lovey.

Perhaps I'm not looking for advice to get her to sleep or sleep without me. I'm just so glad to know that I'm not alone. It IS normal. It IS natural. It won't last forever.

Thank you to all of you mamas for being natural and for sharing how tired you are. I wish we all had more rest, but I'm glad I'm not alone. I am encouraged just by how many of us there are.

post #2 of 3
You are definitely not alone! And good for you for keeping it up without the local support network. I was just thinking about how I am becoming resigned to a "new normal". I've got a 6 month old girl who, because we rocked and held her and coslept from the start, now will only sleep either in our arms or next to one of us in bed (except for the occasional 30 minute stretch in her crib). I spend 9-10 hours a night in bed because of that, but I'm starting to realize that that is keeping me from being as sleep-deprived as I could be. Most nights she goes right back to sleep after nursing (except for teething, colds, etc.), and even though I'm awake every 2-3 hours, cosleeping has allowed me to feel more rested than I would've thought. And I'm a working mama, so no daytime naps for me. She is a happy, easygoing baby, which we were not expecting (both my husband and I were labeled "problem" or "high needs" babies by our parents) and I can't help but think has something to do with her trust in us.

So yes, I think it's worth it. Someday I'll be able to sit on the couch with my husband and watch a movie or even (gasp) go out to a movie, or even (double gasp!) sleep for more than 4 hours straight, but for now, this is working for us.
post #3 of 3
Thread Starter 
I am lucky in that Emma LOVES my husband and my little sister, so I can go out for a couple hours for myself or "girl night", or Caleb and I can go on a date occasionally and she's totally fine.

Mostly it's just that I haven't had a solid amount of sleep in 9 months. She'll sleep in her crib (which is 3 sided and right up beside our bed), but as soon as she stirs, she crawls over to me.
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