Help me with a good concise answer

[BlessedMommy2006]

I'm going away to my very mainstream family member's house for the weekend. If any questions come up, what is the best answer if I'm asked why DS isn't circ'ed?

I like the good old standby, "It's not medically necessary," but I also want something that helps people to realize that it's not only unnecessary but is harmful. But I don't want to dump out a whole speech on it either.

What do you say to people who ask you?

[emma1325]

Originally Posted by BlessedMommy2006

I'm going away to my very mainstream family member's house for the weekend. If any questions come up, what is the best answer if I'm asked why DS isn't circ'ed?

I like the good old standby, "It's not medically necessary," but I also want something that helps people to realize that it's not only unnecessary but is harmful. But I don't want to dump out a whole speech on it either.

What do you say to people who ask you?

For a mainstream audience:

The American Academy of Pediatrics no longer recommends it. They say it's medically unnecessary, unethical, traumatic to the baby, and can interfere with breastfeeding. http://www.cirp.org/library/statements/

[mntnmom]

"There's nothing in the medical literature that could convince me to put my sons through the risk of even a fairly simple surgery. I want them to have the option of making their own choice when they're older"
If they ask more questions, give more answers. But IMO tread lightly. If you offend them, they quit listening to save their own pride.

[emma1325]

oh, and, I don't have a boy (yet) but I've always imagined my answer to the circ question to be:

"No way would I let anyone take a scalpel to MY baby's genitals."

[Bm31]

It's not my penis.....it's not my choice to make.

[eepster]

In an utterly shocked tone of voice:

"Why in the world would we do that!"

[Seie]

Originally Posted by eepster

In an utterly shocked tone of voice:

"Why in the world would we do that!"

Like that one

[Fyrestorm]

Ewww...cutting up a babies primary sexual organ is disgusting.

Followed by please pass the bean dip.

The other is:

Why are you so interested in my son's penis (while giving them a 'you pervert' kind of look)

[jenP]

"Because it's a human rights violation. Please pass the bean dip."

[SlackerDad]

I like the more confrontational, "in your face" replies suggested by JenP, Fyrestorm, and eepster (plus emma's second post)--but that's my personality. The other approaches seem from my POV to not capture the outrage we feel about the horror of RIC.

OTOH I do know that not everyone has that kind of personality (my wife, for one); and that it will make a lot of people uncomfortable to say something like this--not least because it is throwing down the gauntlet and accusing everyone at the table who had a hand in circumcising a son of being guilty of a human rights violation (not to mention the can of worms opened for any circed males there, even if they have no sons themselves). Tricky business...

[emnic77]

Originally Posted by eepster

In an utterly shocked tone of voice:

"Why in the world would we do that!"

Yep. I've used this one and a similarly shocked "People still DO that?!?" complete with a dropped jaw and look of abject horror.

The only time I was asked by my extended family, an aunt asked me - and my 83 year old grandma who was there, before I could say anything, jumped in with "they don't DO that anymore. It's not necessary."

[Greg B]

Another possibility is "Since there is no medical reason to do it and it's his body, he should make the choice."

Then there are the humurous quotes you could use:

"Circumcision is a solution looking for a problem."

"If men were meant to have foreskin, they would have been born with it."

"Circumcision: Any way you slice it, it's mutilation."

"Circumcision: The more you know, the worse it is."

"Does being a healthy male require surgical correction?"

Have a great Thanksgiving!

[jenP]

Originally Posted by SlackerDad

I like the more confrontational, "in your face" replies suggested by JenP, Fyrestorm, and eepster (plus emma's second post)

Yeah, I guess my answer was a bit "in your face," while the op wanted something non-confrontational.
How about, "Since it isn't necessary, we just couldn't justify the pain and risk of surgery on a newborn. He can make his own choices as an adult."

And if anyone counters that with the tired old, "but it will hurt much worse as an adult!" you can just look really surprised and interested and say something like, "really?? How does that work? Are babies born without pain receptors or something?? 'Cause I think a scalpel to the penis would hurt like heck no matter how old or young you are."

Jen

[SlackerDad]

Originally Posted by jenP

Yeah, I guess my answer was a bit "in your face," while the op wanted something non-confrontational.
How about, "Since it isn't necessary, we just couldn't justify the pain and risk of surgery on a newborn. He can make his own choices as an adult."

And if anyone counters that with the tired old, "but it will hurt much worse as an adult!" you can just look really surprised and interested and say something like, "really?? How does that work? Are babies born without pain receptors or something?? 'Cause I think a knife in the dick would hurt like heck no matter how old or young you are."

Jen

LOL!

And of course we might want to add that the vast majority of intact men do not choose to be circed as adults.

[Ron_Low]

http://www.circumstitions.com/One-liners.html

This link gives a great list of snappy comebacks. The more you know, the better you'll be at warding off challengers.

If they hit you with something you don't have a 100% true and substantive answer for, say "I know I saw something about that online. Let me look it up and we can talk about it tomorrow."

[benj]

People don't typically ask. I actually wasn't aware people were that concerned. *shrug*

[erin23kate]

I'm pro-choice: His Penis, His Choice.

If he wants to be circumcised, he can be as an adult. I don't think it's right for me to make that choice for him without asking his opinion.

[eepster]

I have one issue with the "his penis, his choice" statement. It suggest that circ is a perfectly reasonable choice to be making in the first place.

It's not like letting your teenager have a pink mohawk, it won't grow back in a few months if they suddenly realize they don't like it. Would we view cutting off ears as a choice.

Now I'm not anti all permanent body modifications (I've got a tattoo myself.) I certainly feel that if an adult man wants to get a circ for some reason, that's up to them. However, when it stated as "his body, his choice" it make it sound like a standard choice that must be made. Such as "paper or plastic" (of course many of us go with reusable, but YKWIM.)

If some one asked if you why you didn't get your daughter a nose job at birth, no one would answer "her body, her choice," since it's not a standard choice that needs to be made. Though if an adult wants a nose job they have every right to seek one out, it isn't in the category of a choice that must be made by someone.

[outlier]

For those of us who must deal with family and friends for whom circ IS a "perfectly reasonable choice," presenting it as a choice for the boy to make is a gentle, non-confrontational way to explain why you didn't circ. It's hard to argue with the simple logic of "his body, his choice," no matter how repulsive the questioner may find foreskin to be. If you launch into a whole tirade against circ instead, you risk losing your audience, possibly for good.

I don't think it's necessarily saying you'll expect your son to make a decision at some point so much as buying time for the person who questions you to figure it out for him/herself.

[outlier]

I forgot to add my snarky response! Depending on your audience, you could always add to the "his choice" statement something like, "Heck, he can have the whole thing lopped off when he grows up, so long as it's his decision!" If said in a light-hearted manner, this could be a good way to both put the person at ease and get them to see it for the genital reduction surgery it really is.