Cutting your daughter's hair REALLLLLLY short.

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I have a friend who lives in another state. She has two daughters. Seven and five.

The five year old was twisting her long hair. I guess it was becoming a bad habit, and in the morning, trying to brush through it was a nightmare.

They told her if she couldn't stop herself... they would cut her hair.

They BUZZED it. I mean, like an army buzz.

Then they sent everybody pictures of her new "do" and she doesn't look happy about it. She's not crying in the pictures, but she certainly isn't smiling either.

Is this an overreaction to a bad habit? Or a perfectly reasonable reaction?

OH... and she was agreeable to a "Ramona Quimby" haircut, but they figured she'd just go back to the habit if she had any hair.

[Mrsboyko]

Not sure how reasonable it is, but my mom did similar. When I was about 5 I was running my fingers thru my hair when I slept and anything knotted was being pulled out. Gobs at a time. My mom cut it like a pageboy style. i still resent it.

[major_mama11]

I would call that over-reacting to the point of being emotionally abusive. Especially cutting it that short, against her will, and then sending out pictures to everyone...

Some day, those parents are going to wonder why the daughter never visits...

[Alyantavid]

Way overreacting.

I bet you she will remember this forever. This and the aftermath, the teasing she'll have to listen to.

My mom didn't want to deal with long hair so she kept mine short. Not buzzed short, but not much longer. It was awful, people made so much fun of me. And I didn't even have any bad habits, just a mom who didn't like long hair.

[major_mama11]

I had a friend in junior high whose mom insisted all through her childhood that her hair had to stay boy-short, because it was so very very curly. She hated having it that short. It made her a target for teasing, and she resented her mom not letting her grow it out longer. In high school, she finally stood up to her mom and grew it out, but her r'ship with her mom never recovered all the years of hair weirdness and control issues.

[kwilki8]

I think that's definitely an overreaction. I could see bobbing her hair to get the habit under control, but such a short cut seems excessive.

[Porcelain Interior]

I think the buzz cut is overkill and humiliating. And most of the parents that see the child are going to assume she had head lice and the parents couldn't get rid of it unless they buzzed the kids head. (I've seen this actually happen many times and it leaves the child with a stigma.)

Unless the child requested the cut I think it's quite cruel. I would choose a shorter length if a child wasn't able to take care of their hair or was resistant to letting me care for it. No way would I buzz it off.

[Kirsten]

Originally Posted by major_mama11

I would call that over-reacting to the point of being emotionally abusive. Especially cutting it that short, against her will, and then sending out pictures to everyone...

Some day, those parents are going to wonder why the daughter never visits...

I think so too. Really sad.

Originally Posted by Porcelain Interior

Unless the child requested the cut I think it's quite cruel. I would choose a shorter length if a child wasn't able to take care of their hair or was resistant to letting me care for it. No way would I buzz it off.

Agreed.

Is this friend normally like this or was it her dp's idea or did she just snap? That is really a huge overreaction IMO.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

That is abusive, humilating, and uncalled for if you ask me.

[tjlucca]

I would call that over reacting. My DD had long hair and HATED having it brushed. We talked with her about it and came to a mutual decision to get a Pixie cut for her. She is happy (no more brushing), I am happy (no more screaming), and she gets compliments on all the time. Sounds like the buzz is probably emotionally abusive.

[lynsage]

There is no reason they couldn't have at least started with the shorter haircut she agreed to with the warning that they may have to go shorter if she can't stop the behavior.

My DD has long hair and once in a while we have to have a talk about her chewing it, twisting it, resisting having it brushed, etc. and I have never had to actually cut it. Just talking to her about needing a cut if she can't stop the behavior (and using a lot of detangler) is enough for her, but if we ever did come to the day where we had to go through with a short haircut, there is nothing on Earth that would compel me to buzz all her hair off if she doesn't want it that way.

The sending out pictures sounds to me like they are either REALLY cruel and actively trying to use shame and humiliation to control her behavior, or they feel guilty about what they did and are hoping everyone will react as if this is funny and not a big deal, so they can use that justification to make themselves feel better.

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Originally Posted by Kirsten

Is this friend normally like this or was it her dp's idea or did she just snap? That is really a huge overreaction IMO.

I didn't think so. But, her own dad was that way when she was young.

I do remember one time when her 7 yr old was very little, and newly potty trained. I was impressed that the daughter had chosen panties to match her dress. (I assumed she put them on herself) and my friend said "She doesn't get to choose.... it's my job to choose, it's her job to wear it".

[RiverSky]

Abusive and completely mean.

[Drummer's Wife]

That is awful

I've heard of people doing similar when their little girl had lice -- which I still think is cruel.

[zoe196]

.

I do remember one time when her 7 yr old was very little, and newly potty trained. I was impressed that the daughter had chosen panties to match her dress. (I assumed she put them on herself) and my friend said "She doesn't get to choose.... it's my job to choose, it's her job to wear it".[/QUOTE]



Zoe, mama to Thomas 1/06

[ann_of_loxley]

IMO and over reaction. My son does not want his hair cut at all - so he has long beautiful hair. Cept it used to not be so beautiful because he never wanted it washed or brushed. When he finally did - it was a nightmare! lol...I thought I would have to cut lumps out but with the help of a ton of conditioner we got there in the end. I would never have threatened him to do something like that to his body and his personal space.
I often hear parents say things like that to their child who likes to chew/suck on their hair. Big deal?!...At the end of the day, its not yours...its theirs.
But to do it and then shame the child by taking photos and sharing them?! Thats just sick.
Thats how I feel anyhow.

[funkymamajoy]

Originally Posted by major_mama11

I would call that over-reacting to the point of being emotionally abusive. Especially cutting it that short, against her will, and then sending out pictures to everyone...

Some day, those parents are going to wonder why the daughter never visits...

I would've braided her hair at night or at least given her a cute shorter cut. When it grows back, she'll just go back to twisting it. It might be worse now because the parents just added anxiety atound it.

[karne]

Terrible. And to send pictures out is really beyond the pale. I feel so sorry for the little girl.

I got a pixie cut in kindy because my mom insisted. I have NEVER forgotten the feeling. My own dd has had some challenges managing her hair, including being willing to take care of it, yet wanting it long. There are many, many ways to preserve your child's self esteem and help them learn self care w/out resorting to what feel like shaming them. It's sick.

[prothyraia]

Overreaction, yes, something very negative that she'll remember for years, yes, but com'on people? Abusive? Really?

I'm someone who considers spanking physical assault and battery, and CIO emotional abuse. But an ugly haircut? Have any of you ever worked with abused children?

[Frootloop]

That was WAY overboard and completely uncalled for. To give her a buzz cut and then send pictures out to people.. that wasn't done to keep her from doing it, it was done solely to humiliate her. I'm sorry, but that is emotionally abusive, IMO, and yes, I HAVE been abused.

I feel so incredibly sad for this little girl. She will remember this forever.