Cutting your daughter's hair REALLLLLLY short. - Page 2

[funkymamajoy]

Originally Posted by prothyraia

Overreaction, yes, something very negative that she'll remember for years, yes, but com'on people? Abusive? Really?

I'm someone who considers spanking physical assault and battery, and CIO emotional abuse. But an ugly haircut? Have any of you ever worked with abused children?

Its not the haircut that I feel is abusive, its sending out a picture to humiliate the child.

[Dabble]

I wouldn't use the word abuse. But I'd say it was definitely thoughtless on the part of her parents. At age 5, she certainly is going to remember this, and has the right to be angry about it. She most certainly feels humiliated and embarrassed, ashamed and upset. It hurts to have callous parents.

[hillymum]

Originally Posted by funkymamajoy

I would've braided her hair at night or at least given her a cute shorter cut. When it grows back, she'll just go back to twisting it. It might be worse now because the parents just added anxiety atound it.

Twisting hair like she was doing is a symptom of stress, which isn't surprising if this is a good example of how her mother treats her. To send out photo's? Thats just vendictive!


The first thiyng that came to mind was the way French women were punish for sleeping with the enemy!

[moaningminny]

My 4.75 year old DD's hair is a mess. We keep it in a bob, which helps a little but she's very resistant to having it brushed and to be honest I'm not prepared to fight her over it. If I'm lucky it'll get brushed and I"ll be able to get a clip in it. I certainly wouldn't grow it long, because things get even worse, but I definitely would not buzz it - for crying out loud, it's just hair! And she's 5? How many 5 year old girls out there have perfect looking hair?

Anyway, I think it's a HUGE overreaction. Again, it's.just.hair.

I would definitely consider it humiliating for that poor child. It sounds like the mother has control issues.

[lifeguard]

Buzzing it seems extreme but I most definitely will be keeping my children's hair cut short if they refuse to cooperate in the taking care of it.

[Poodge]

My mom had my hair cut very short at the start of middle school. I had a bad perm and it ruined my hair. It was not buzz cut short, but very, very, very short. I hated her for it until it grew out, so about three years and got teased alot for my short "boy" haircut. To this day I am obssesive about my hair. My relationship with my mom is wonderful and it did not ruin it long term, but I think her seeming remoresful for cutting it went a long way. If she had taken pictures and sent them out I would have been angry for a long time.

[hermionesmum]

It would be the how it was done, rather than the act of cutting hair that would make this acceptable or not. If there had been plenty of discussion and it was a consequence of the child not being able to get the knotting habit under control then I completely understand. Wrestling with a kid who doesn't want their hair brushed in the morning is no fun for them or their parents.
Making it a punishment for knotting her hair would be very sad.

[tinuviel_k]

I think buzzing her hair was totally inappropriate, and this is coming from a mama who DID buzz her daughter's hair!

Last year my little girl (age five) pleaded to shave her head for months. "I want to be all bald up like Papa!" After a month we decided to let her, and took her hair all the way to the scalp with clippers. She loved it, and she wanted to send everyone pictures!

The difference here is that this little girl did NOT want to shave her head. For her it is not a desire of her own, but a sign of shame and punishment.

[not_telling]

I think this is terrible, too.

I had very long hair as a little kid and it got horribly knotty just on its own, not cuz of anything I ever did to it. My mom patiently brushed it every day, which I hated (!) - although she made it a little better by telling me "Tangle Stories" about the tangles who partied in my hair and loved to drink the juice from the pickle jar.

[4C-mom]

Thats horrid.

when i was 7, i had head lice. and medium length hair? so to fix it, my mom cut my hair....but not all of it. was boy short...not buzzed, but prob 1 inch long. except for one large section in front that was chin lenght. i looked like a 2nd grade punk rocker. my school picture i had that horrid haircut and a pink tshirt that said "my dad is a trucker" i dont have that pic anymore, but that was horrible

21 years later, i dont remember if i was teased (but really, how could i not have been?) but i do remember the haircut...my mom tried to make me feel better by cutting off 1 inch off her waist length hair. didnt help

she wasn't being abusive, i think she just didnt know any better way to get out all the lice. and wanted to leave some long...

[becoming]

Oh my gosh. I'm sure that buzzing all her hair off & sending out humiliation photos to family & friends is going to really help her with that nervous habit!

I think this is horrible. Absolutely horrible.

[beanma]

I'm going to vote for horrible also and I do think it's emotionally abusive, just like CIO.

I have a 5 yr old dd with butt length fine hair that has never been cut in her whole life. I have offered to cut it many times if she would like it. She gets horrible tangles, but she does try to brush. She can't get them all, though, so I have to go in and do the dirty work and sometimes they're quite bad and she screams bloody murder.

We know folks with dreadlocks so I explain if we don't get her tangles out they will turn into dreadlocks. I let her know that it's okay with me if she chooses to have dreadlocks when she's older, but right now I worry that she would change her mind and the only way to get them out if you change your mind is to cut your hair really short.

I explain that shorter hair like Emma's or Sarah C's doesn't tangle nearly as much and that I had short hair as a child (my choice) and that she can try a shorter haircut if she hates getting her hair brushed too much. She always refuses the offer of the haircut, but still gets really bad tangles and still cries and fusses when we get them out.

We vow each time to do a better job preventing the bad tangles, but even if she doesn't keep up with brushing I would never buzz her head. That's just cruel. She would be beyond sad and mortified going to school. I can barely imagine. Sending pictures takes it way over the top. I'm not sure I could continue to be very close friends with a mom like that.

[mamadelbosque]

I don't know. I had my hair buzzed as a little kid (must have been somewhere in that 5-7yr range, maybe a bit older even?), and my DS1's hair is currently buzzed for the same reason - he was literally pulling it out while going to sleep (he'd twist it around and around in his fingers and then yank it out as he was falling asleep). So, I can totally see how parents would find it to be neccasary - DS1's had buzzed hair for a good 3 or 4 months and he STILL tries to twist it around his fingers and yank it out. If we hadn't buzzed it he'd have even less hair and it'd have been yanked out vs cut off.

And maybe it was because of my personality and/or because I wanted it, but I don't recall being teased about my buzz cut at all, ever. Doing it to your DD cause' she's pulling her own hair out might not be the nicest thing possible, but I'd hardly call it abusive.

[rhiandmoi]

I think it was an overreaction, but not abusive in itself.

[buttercup784ever]

Aww, I feel bad for the little girl. My brother's roommate's ex shaved their daughters hair when she got lice because they couldn't get rid of them. I thought it looked kind of cute, and told her so, but she was very unhappy with it, understandably.

Personally I probably wouldn't do it for hair pulling unless I had tried EVERYTHING to get it to stop (braiding, pixie cut, etc.) and it was causing problems like infections on the scalp. I would consider it for hair eating because that can be dangerous, but again, I'd try everything else first.

I think the bigger problem is if the parents are treating this as some kind of punishment. That will probably do more damage than the actual hairstyle. I'm not sure from the post what the intent of the photos were, but it reminded me of the time both my kids got lice. I did take pictures of them in plastic shower caps and send it to my IL's and some friends. It was hilarious, but the kids were in on the joke and were clearly hamming it up.

I'd have to have more details before I would call the OP's friends abusive, I guess.

[becoming]

This is a bit OT, but here's what I don't understand: What's with the tangles? My 4-year-old DD has hair halfway down her back and NEVER gets tangles... Is this a hair type thing? If it makes a difference, hers is straight, medium thickness, and we wash it daily or every other day and 99% of the time let it air dry after combing/brushing it out.

[Frootloop]

Originally Posted by becoming

This is a bit OT, but here's what I don't understand: What's with the tangles? My 4-year-old DD has hair halfway down her back and NEVER gets tangles... Is this a hair type thing? If it makes a difference, hers is straight, medium thickness, and we wash it daily or every other day and 99% of the time let it air dry after combing/brushing it out.

Oh, it's definitely a hair type thing! DD has super fine straight hair, but lots of it. When she was little and had long hair almost to her waist, every morning was a struggle with her hair since it would be completely matted in the back (we even brushed it well before bed). Brushing after a bath wasn't much fun either. It's not as bad now that she's older, but she still gets tangled up pretty easily even with shoulder length hair!

[becoming]

Originally Posted by Frootloop

Oh, it's definitely a hair type thing! DD has super fine straight hair, but lots of it. When she was little and had long hair almost to her waist, every morning was a struggle with her hair since it would be completely matted in the back (we even brushed it well before bed). Brushing after a bath wasn't much fun either. It's not as bad now that she's older, but she still gets tangled up pretty easily even with shoulder length hair!

Oh okay, I guess I can just be thankful that DD didn't get tangley hair then! That sounds like a nightmare.

[Trinitty]

That actually made me gasp.

That is a violation of a child's person to do such a thing.

For the daughter's sake, I hope that is the only cruel thing they do to her, but, I sadly doubt that is the case.

I remember how I felt when my mother threatened to cut my long hair off as a small child, when she was exhausted and grouchy.

It was a terrible feeling of violation, objectification and helplessness. She didn't do it, and I'm sure forgot about what she said, but I still remember it.

Shame on them.

What was the tone and context of them sending you the pictures? "Here, look what we did to fix her wagon" or "Here is the latest pictures of Daughter" ??

If you are close with the family, I would send her a really pretty hat or something to take the sting out of it.

While I don't use the word abuse very often, for those who think that posters are over-stating this, please: find a quiet moment and imagine that someone shaved your head against your wishes. How does that feel?

Trin.

[Frootloop]

Originally Posted by becoming

Oh okay, I guess I can just be thankful that DD didn't get tangley hair then! That sounds like a nightmare.

Haha, it was! I was really sad when DD got hold of the scissors and whacked her own hair off over her ears when she was almost 4 yrs old, but there was secretly a big part of me that was like, no more tangles!