What is wrong with my son, need advice.

[ScootchsMom]

I love my son (6m). I really, really, really do. But I feel like something is wrong with him and it kills me to even say it. He screams a lot of the time. He will not sleep past 5 am, usually waking even earlier than that. He got up at 4:30 this morning. It doesn't matter what time I get him to bed, he gets up this early. He refuses to nap until he is absolutely exhausted and hysterical. He has his happy moments, but on a day like today, he is just not happy at all. He arches his back and screams if you try to hold him. If you sit him on the floor to play he throws himself backwards. He has periods where he freaks out for no apparent reason and refuses to make eye contact or accept comfort. Holding him makes him scream louder when he is like this. He has good moments too of course. But I'm starting to be really worn out from the earlay wake up and the nearly constant fussing, crying, freaking out, throwing up, etc.

He has reflux, and throws up at least 1-2 times a day. Some days its much more. He is 100% formula fed at this point and not eating much food - I'm trying to let him lead the way with solids. He has only had his one set of shots, the 2 month old ones delayed till he was 4 months. I've decided to hold off on any other vaxes until he is much older if at all. I tried to talk to the ped who of course said DS is fine and was just a "fussy" baby with mild reflux. He has gained weight well and is growing fine physically.

Its gotten to the point where I've started leaving him with a babysitter 2 days a week to get a break. Thankfully, she is a family friend and loves him like a grandson, so she takes excellent care of him. But I still feel guilt, especially since I NEVER left DD with anyone until she was 3 and went to preschool.

I don't know where to start to find out what is wrong. My insurance won't pay for allergy testing unless the ped recommends it and they've already said no. I hate going there anyway since all they want to do is vax him for everything under the sun, despite him having these issues and the fact that he reacted negatively to that first set.

Any ideas on where I can start to figure out what is going on with him? I live in a very non-crunchy area, have limited access to any alternative doctors unless I pay out of pocket and travel 3 hours back to the city. But if that's what I need to do I'll do it to get him back to "normal". Where would you start? Allergy testing? What kind of doctor?

Liz

[FaithfulOne]

I'm so sorry for your frustrations. I wish I could be of more help but my only suggestion is to maybe cross-post in Special Needs Parenting or something alike. Those Moms are great and have a wealth of resources.

[lach]

He might need more sleep? I mean, even beyond the early wakeup time. I have to put DS down by 6pm (usually at about 5:30) or he'll wake up at 4:30 too. We spend so much time during the day running around to DD's school and activities that he doesn't get as many naps as he needs. There's a rule in the excellent book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child that says "sleep begets sleep." So the more sleep you make sure they get, including naps, the better they'll sleep at night.

[Lacrymosa]

You might try soy formula.. I had a friend who's baby was like that and it turned out he was allergic to the formula and had to switch to soy.. when she did things got a lot better.

Also, babies that young still usually sleep around 14-16 hours a day. I'm sure that isn't helping that he has a hard time sleeping..

I'm sorry, that's hard...

[BlueWolf]

Personally, I think soy is one of the worst things you can feed a baby. There are other formals available out there for sensitive stomachs are not soy.

Your DS sounds like my 4.5 month old DD. High needs, fussy, and takes a ton of energy to keep happy. There is nothing wrong with my DD other than she requires more from people than an easy baby. I'm okay with this, this is her personality and I wouldn't change her. Something that I did find that helped us out big time was Hyland's Colic Tablets and putting her to bed earlier. She still wakes up at the same early time, but she gets more sleep since she goes to bed earlier.

[Critty]

I was going to mention the formula too, perhaps he has a lactose sensitivity or allergy? If you are not happy with your ped, can you switch to another one? One that would investigate ...

I have medical issues, and have found unless I bring in documented proof, the doctors brush it off. Can you record your entire day for a few days, so the doctor can see how little sleep he is getting and how much he cries and when? Or even video some episodes? They often brush us off as neurotic first time moms, but if you think there is something wrong, it is probably true.

Will he sleep anywhere? My DD (also 6 months) will only nap in her swing. If we try and put her in a bed (with us) or a crib, we get maybe 10 minutes.

Good luck!

[Louisep]

Hugs to you mama. Don't feel guilty about your time away, you need to replenish your energy/patience reserves.

I agree with a PP, I think he sounds high needs. And if he has reflux on top of that, then there's no wonder he's so fussy. Is he on meds for the reflux? Is the formula you give him the one for reflux?

I also agree with PP about posting in the special needs forum, though I'm not sure you need to worry about that but maybe you'll get some peace of mind? My feeling is you won't get any answers from the medical community (if any exist) until he's much older. Conventional peds just don't think anything is wrong and crunchy peds are loathe to intervene. I've only just persuaded my ped to test for allergies now he is ten months.

Do you wear your son a lot? This helps our high needs son calm down a lot. I also spend a lot of time outdoors with him because he gets incredibly bored of the house and his toys. He also gets a lot of "relief" from a pacifier which I never wanted to use but a family friend introduced it and, well, it helped.

Does he sleep well at night? You mentioned he wakes early but that is pretty normal IMO, especially if he's sleeping well at night. My DS wakes every 1-2 hours through the night and I'm lucky if he sleeps til 6am.

[blumom2boyz]

big hugs to you momma!!!! Have you concidered trying a chiropractor? My dd was very colicky as a newborn and after 3 adjustments, she was a new baby. You can also try using an amber necklace as well (which helps with reflux, not just teething). Boiron's makes a homeopathic colic treatment which may help with the really bad moments. I would also try to get him outside a lot...the fresh air can do wonders for both of you! Wear him as much as you can or he will let you. How about baths??? Does he enjoy those? Massages??? Hang in there...it will get better.

Oh and trust your momma instinct. It is ALWAYS right.

And just wanted to add that when my ds2 was diagnosed with reflux, my pedi made me document his days for a couple of days just so we both could really see what was going on. You may want to do that or switch peds until you find one that will listen to you.

Good Luck!

[seafox]

DS was like this for the first two months - until I cut out dairy, and until I started block feeding since I had an overactive letdown. He started being fine w/ the letdown at 3 months but I still avoid dairy.

He still is very high-needs though - but not in a typical 'can't put down' kind of way - since he actually isn't comforted much by being held. From 2 months until 4 months he was only happy awake for about 30-45min at a stretch. Then he needed to be put to sleep (which took a while) and he'd sleep 45min. Repeat. Just this last month he can be happy awake for 90min or 2 hours if its partly outside or w/ lots of people. But its definitely improving.

I think its a weird thing where he seeks constant stimulation - but is also easily over-stimulated! So you have to entertain him wildly for his awake time but then when he gets tired he's exhausted and will be hysterical quickly.

But because he is very active and very hyper and its very hard to get him asleep. Right now he gets 12-13 hours a sleep a day, and that's with a very strict nap-enforcement schedule. Every 1-2 hours we bounce him on the yoga ball until he goes to sleep (just lately I've been able to nurse him to sleep as well) otherwise he just becomes a screaming mess. He's also up at 4:45 am like clockwork.

He's a big archer - I can't nurse him sometimes w/out bouncing him almost asleep first. Just this last month its gotten better - from 3-5 months I had to nurse him RIGHT when he woke up otherwise he'd refuse to eat and we'd have to bounce him to sleep, and then he'd have these super short naps since he was hungry. I am envious of other mothers I know where 'boobs solve everything' since w/ DS that is just not the case.

teething makes everything worse too - those are typically just entirely unhappy days where it seems like we are constantly putting him to sleep. He just cut his first two this week. (a little over 5 months old)

I'd say cut dairy out if it wasn't formula, but maybe a different formula would be easy to try? DS is still tough but when he had reflux too it was *really* tough. I miss my dairy but won't risk it returning!

[fizgig]

Oh big hug! I totally understand where you are - we went through something very similar. Based on my experience here's my suggestions:

1. Do an elimination diet to make sure it isn't something you're eating or if you are only formula, spring for the expensive Nutramigen dairy and soy free. It sucks royally beyond measure but it made a HUGE difference with our son and once I saw the difference it was worth it. After trial and error I found out he couldn't tolerate any dairy, nuts, eggs, or citrus (now at almost 10 months I can eat everything but dairy). If he does have a food intolerance just getting the right formula/right food combo could solve the problem.

2. Ask your ped for reflux meds. Even if he is gaining weight, him being miserable and not sleeping can cause all kinds of problems. Our DS had reflux and we finally put him on prevacid and WOW what a different baby he was. He slept better, was generally happier, ate better, etc. I was very hesitant to put him on anything since he was gaining weight but I don't regret the decision for a second. Zantac kind of helped but prevacid was a miracle for us (we successfully weaned at 8 months).

3. Wear your DS as much as you can, sleep with him propped up on you, try to feed him in little bursts, those all helped us with the reflux as well.

4. Read Dr. Sears' fussy baby book. A spirited baby is HARD WORK! I keep telling myself it will be worth it Oh and don't feel guilty if you need a break, taking care of yourself is important too.

After almost 10 months I feel like I can just now see the light a the end of the tunnel...it will get better.

[April Dawn]

Are you willing to try reflux meds? My DS, also six months, was a lot like yours - no sleep, spitting up, very fussy. One thing that caught my attention in your post was when you said he arches and throws himself. My son did a lot of that - I think the arching was a sign he was hurting. When we put him on reflux meds it helped a ton!

Good luck!

Edited by April Dawn - 7/5/11 at 7:29pm

[WyattsMom2008]

He sounds like a handful, but if you can figure out what is going on with him and nip it in the bud now, you can save yourself and him a lot of grief later. I have issues now with my toddler that I wish I had caught while he was a baby. I thought he was just high needs. I learned that he has issues with his GI tract. He has a leaky gut, causing him to have intolerances to dairy and gluten. He also has bad overgrowth of gut pathogens.

Have you tried to give him an infant probiotic? I wish I had done that with Wyatt when he was a baby. A good one is GI Pro Infant. When you introduce solids, if you have not already done so, you may find the GAPS recommendations helpful. I wish I had known about GAPS when introducing solids to Wyatt.

I also agree with the other people about suspecting something in the formula. I don't know much about formula, but I do know that people who have older babies or toddlers on the SCD or GAPS diets have been having success feeding them homemade formula made with almond milk mixed with bone broth (the bone broth ensures calcium and other minerals). I don't know if that is appropriate for a six month old, though.

[Erdbeer]

Just wondering if he has been like this pretty much from the beginning, or is this something that has just started recently? Sounds like it could be a lot of different things...

[boysmom2]

Originally Posted by Critty

Can you record your entire day for a few days, so the doctor can see how little sleep he is getting and how much he cries and when? Or even video some episodes? They often brush us off as neurotic first time moms, but if you think there is something wrong, it is probably true.

I have a friend who repeatly took her infant daughter to the ped because she knew something wasn't right. He kept brushing her off and insisting that her DD just had reflux and she should just give the meds a few weeks to work. Well, she finally videotaped the behavior she was witnessing. The ped agreed that it was something much more serious and referred her to a neuro, but the appt was several months away. It wasn't until my friend called and called and finally got a sypathetic nurse on the phone at the ped's office that she got the neuro referral moved up. It turned out that her DD has a very rare, very serious seizure disorder. I'm not saying that's what's going on with your LO, or trying to scare you in any way. I just think that when HCP don't listen we have to do everything we can to MAKE them listen.

Originally Posted by Louisep

Do you wear your son a lot? This helps our high needs son calm down a lot. I also spend a lot of time outdoors with him because he gets incredibly bored of the house and his toys. He also gets a lot of "relief" from a pacifier which I never wanted to use but a family friend introduced it and, well, it helped.

All of these worked with our oldest (he's 8yo now). He was VERY high needs as a baby. Wearing him, especially while walking FAST and spending time outside were SO helpful! The paci helped sometimes to.

Good luck! It's so hard when you feel like nothing you can do helps!

[justKate]

Originally Posted by April Dawn

Are you willing to try reflux meds? My DS, also six months, was a lot like yours - no sleep, spitting up, very fussy. One thing that caught my attention in your post was when you said he arches and throws himself. My son did a lot of that - I think the arching was a sign he was hurting. When we put him on reflux meds it helped a ton! He's on ranitidine (generic for zantac) 1 ml, 3x daily.

Good luck!

I would get a second opinion on the degree of the reflux. Not all babies with severe reflux vomit regularly. Not wanting to lay down to sleep is a sign that acid may be burning his esophagus. The arching is a sign, too. Our DD (who is also high-needs) did this from day 1, and now takes 7.5 mg of baby prevacid daily. It has dramatically improved her disposition. Diet helps some people, but if it's a physcial immaturity of his esophagial (sp?) sphincter, meds might make a difference.

I hope you find the answer you're looking for.

[mainemommy1]

My son was the same way as an infant. However I have to say he was an easy toddler and an easy preschooler so I paid my dues early on. I had him at the dr non-stop-always thought something was wrong and NO ONE would listen to me. FINALLY< after 9months of torture I took him to an ND and it was discovered through stool testing that he had a gluten intolerance, lack of essential fatty acids and no good flora (what you take probiotics for) in his gut at all-none.....so with the help of an ND and some supplements and homeopathy my very sad, unhappy clearly in pain fussy baby changed into an entirely new child and life became much better. Nothing was serious but something was clearly wrong and the peds were SO WRONG! If you are able to pay to take him to a Naturalpathic DR I highly suggest it! I bet some Moms on the FInding your Tribe board of this website in your area would even have a suggestion for a good ND near you. Good luck.....been in those shoes-it is heartbreaking and draining and it WILL get better. But trust your gut and keep plugging along until you find a solution

[wombatclay]

My dd2 was (and is) extremely high needs. To the point that I actually had to leave my job when she was 6mo old because no one else (including DH) could comfort her. She cried, screamed, and simply melted down if she wasn't being held by me, or in close physical contact with me. I had to hold her or she wouldn't stay asleep. I had to basically be touching her 24/7 or she would cry.

Our very attentive and caring Family Practice dr told me it was early seperation anxiety. Then age appropriate seperation anxiety. Then later seperation anxiety. She suggested changing my diet (we breastfed, and dd2 showed almost no interest in solids till around a year) and I did several elimination diets. But there was no real progress (or help for me/our family) until I used my cell phone and taped a few minutes of dd2 not being held by me. I showed our dr the tape and she immediately said "ummmm, no. that isn't normal." We were refered to Early Intervention (a free program for children under three).

DD2 was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder and and anxiety disorder. She was also diagnosed with Raynaud's (basically an extreme, and often painful, response to temperature changes... just a few degrees change can produce a pins/needle sensation in the extremities). Through the EI program she gets 2-3 therapy sessions. And we are slowly learning tools and techniques to help her process her environment and cope with the temperature (and stimuli) sensitivities.

I'm not saying that your child has SPD, Raynauds, Celiac (which my dd1 was diagnosed with), or any other special need... but they might and perhaps you could contact your local EI program or ask your ped top give you a ref to a developmental pediatrician to do a complete profile and exam, just to rule out these sorts of things. We were very very lucky that I kept pushing and our family practice dr was eventually convinced... dd2 has improved amazingly in the last year and a half and I simply can't imagine what would have happened if I'd just accepted that everything was fine.

Hang in there, take as much time to recharge as you can, try taking some video or a cell phone vid to show your dr, call Early Intervention (you can refer yourself, it's free, they're required to provide a screening even if you then don't qualify), and good luck!

[ScootchsMom]

Thanks everyone. We've been sick so I haven't had a chance to read all of the replies until now.

DS has been a fussy baby since birth. It got much worse after he got vaccinated at 4 months, and has been on and off bad since than. He does have days where he is ok, naps pretty good etc. Than he has days like yesterday where he napped for only an hour total, screamed and fussed the rest of the day and finally fell asleep at 7pm last night. I've been trying to get him to bed earlier and myself to bed earlier to adjust to the 5am wake up. I have managed to move it to 6 am on a pretty consistent basis the past week.

I can't get a referral to anything, the peds office will not give it to me since they see no problem. My kids have CHIP insurance and they are more worried about making sure he is shot up with as many vaxes as possible. One of the peds wanted to give him vaxes when he was visibly ill with a cold. Now that I have decided to stop/delay vaxes they won't help at all.

Anyway, I'm going to find out about a ND back in NY that I can bring him to. We travel to NY at least once a month so I can bring him when we go to Grandma's.

As for reflux meds - I'm not comfortable giving him meds until I know what is the matter. I think a lot of this is dietary -either allergies or sensitivities since when he was nursing my milk would cause him terrible green poops, extreme gas, constant throwing up, and a bad case of eczema.

I'll let you all know what the ND says when I find one.

[wombatclay]

Good luck! I'm sorry your provider isn't helping... I still think a video may help. Our fam practice dr is a crunchy parent's dream but they didn't see a problem till I showed them a 60 second cell phone vid of dd2's "at home" behavior.

You can self-refer for Early Intervention... the NYS website is here. The EI program is required to check each child who is refered, and if your child qualifies after the exam (which is often done in your home on your schedule) then there is a huge list of available services... generally free and done in your own home. And the EI program can refer your child to a specialist in some cases.

Just google "early intervention" and the state you're in and you should find the necessary contact info. Ask over in special needs for more ideas... a lot of mamas in that forum have EI experience.

Hang in there!

[LearnWorth]

Healing Starts In The Home

Good for you to reach out for perspctives on your plight. No doubt, many a mother's heart goes out to you!

To add my 2-pence-worth...

attachmentparenting.org is a great resource for creating a calm family environment, no matter the issues, health or otherwise.

Several members have mentioned wearing your baby (try an adjustable one like storchenwiege.com), avoiding soy (lots of research confirms this), elimination diets (acid-forming foods, artificial colors, allergens, sugars), and giving more opportunities for sleep (cosleeping and taking your naps with baby do wonders). All of these are absolutely excellent and easy to incorporate into your lifestyle. Above all, go with your instincts. You and your babe are intimately connected through the womb experience, and often you are the only one who knows best. I support finding a physician who honors your views.

Try to find a calming tool that works for your relationship. Rhythmically and slowly snapping your fingers and wiggling them between snaps is one creative way. A certain song, hum, or tongue click sound are others. Make them quiet, calm, and unobtrusive to others, as you may have to use them in public. Find a tool that works for you, too. You'll be much more able to handle the peacebreakers when armed with peacemakers.

Lastly, lots of smiles and laughter are marvelous for the constitution. Make a point to do this several times a day (set a timer if you have to) and you'll store up energy to help you and your babe come through to peace.

Always remember, even though we rarely feel like it ourselves, our future grown children and grandchildren will look to us as supermoms because we pulled through many life obstacles. You're doing great by remaining humble and teachable (for this is the way to success in any endeavor). Keep up the great parenting, supermom!