So much resistance

[amandallf]

Hello

I am at my wit's end with my ds, who is 6, he seems to be resistant to all school work and seems uninterested in anything. I feel like he is less interested and asking less questions than when I started homeschooling 6 weeks ago. I just try to reading and maths in the morning, quite a lot of reading time (1 hour because he is dyslexic), science or history or such like in the afternoon, but it is so hard. He whines and whines throughout the lessons

Amanda

[zebra15]

1 hr may to too much. If your ds is 6 and just starting HS he needs more time to de-school and explore. He may not even be ready to start reading. Take time to explore books, by all means you can read to him but this shouldn't be frustrating.

I dont have alot of time to post today....

[Lillian J]

I think there could be a whole book written on the subject of "homeschooling and 6 yr. olds" - this comes up a lot. I'll paste here part of a response I wrote to an almost identical question in another thread awhile back, although the child was not quite six yet:

I think six is awfully young for formal studies - and an "almost 6 year old" is what I'd consider still five. When my son was that age, he was starting his second year of Waldorf kindergarten, and he spent his mornings there in lots of free imaginative play, organized play activities, singing, cooking, listening to stories, celebration of holidays, etc. They were out by noon. When he was almost seven, and about to go into a little school whose other 1st graders would already know how to read three letter words, I quickly got him started reading. He did fine. When we started homeschooling after that school year, he got himself sped up in reading because of wanting the information out of his Nintendo Power Guide magazines. Having started into the 3Rs at age seven never set him back a bit. Things like that go so much faster and easier at slightly later ages without so much struggle.

My son was on panels of young adult homeschool grads at a couple of conferences. On one of those, he commented on how much faster and easier it is to learn things later rather than earlier - in days rather than weeks, weeks rather than months or years - and there was a raucous outburst of laughter and applause from the front and center rows. Those were his friends and their parents, all cracking up and cheerfully applauding that someone was coming right out and saying what we'd all learned the hard way, because it's something a lot of people don't think to point out.

You said you feel you need to get some "work" done too, and you describe the work as games and projects - but if you think of it as "work," it would seem to me that he gets that too. It sounds like something you think of as different from other parts of your day - something called school, and he may very well be picking up on a different tone and attitude about it. A lot of people incorporate educational things into their days without thinking of them as school, and maybe that's something that could work better for him. Deschooling isn't something that's only for people starting to homeschool after having their children in school - it's something that can be helpful for anyone to consider. Here are links to some good articles on Decompression/Deschoooling that can be helpful even if you don't intend to unschool. And even if your child hasn't been in school before, it's often the parents who need some time to learn to start to think a little differently about how learning can take place outside of a traditional schooling format (and I'm not talking about "unschooling," but about just threading it into your days more naturally). A thought provoking article based on the research of Dr. Raymond and Dorothy Moore - Delayed Academics

Here's a good MDC thread that might help: Tips from veteran homeschoolers

A whole page on the subject of Deschooling - in Home Education Magazine's website.

Best of luck - keep us posted.

Okay - break over - time to get back to getting ready for the Thanksgiving company on the way here! Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

Lillian

[CariOfOz]

I have a ds who is 5yrs 9mos (to be specific ) and we are just finishing up his K year in a couple of weeks. I have the state list of expectations of a child finishing prep here, and before we started the year he met most of them, any typical child would really. So my work expectations haven't been very high for him. He does Headsprout about twice a week, and a few months ago I got him Math U See primer as he wanted to do math like brother (the little discount store cute workbooks werent' doing it for him anymore.. he wanted REAL math ). He does that 3-4 days a week, mostly whenever he requests it. We do a little work on handwriting through the day, mainly him coming into the officer and snitching markers to use on the whiteboard That's about all I expect of my son and he's not that different in age to yours it sounds like.

One thing that IS different, is that he has seen his older brother homeschool for about 18months before this. So he knew what to expect.

My suggestions are to get some fun manipulatives for math, it could be anything really, and let him experiment with those on his own for a bit. Not having a formal curriculum isn't going to be a huge deal at his age. Find good books that will interest him and read aloud a lot. I don't know much about working around dislexia so I can't help there. My 5yo is all about sciencey stuff in the backyard... he finds bugs and potters in the garden with me, it's all learning for him and he loves it...but it doesn't tie him to a chair and that's why it works for him.

You've only been at this 6 weeks.. relax.. you'll find your groove!

[lobster]

Amanda, my son is only three years old and we're not even close to working on the things you are doing with your son, but here is my take on things -

I have found over the course of my son's short life that whenever he resists something I'm trying to get him to do, it's because he's not ready yet. Just as you couldn't make your son crawl before he was ready, or walk before he was ready, or talk before he was ready, you also can't make him read or add before he is ready. You can TRY, but if he's just not ready you're in for a long road of frustration, anger, disappointment and struggle.

When I meet a lot of resistance in my son, I take a step back from whatever it is I am doing. I am a violin teacher, and had my son start violin lessons in September. All was going well in the beginning, when the things he was learning were within his ability, but as soon as we moved on to the next step - which he clearly wasn't ready for - we hit a HUGE wall of resistance. Instead of pushing ahead with violin lessons (because, hey, I teach a dozen 3-yr-olds on a weekly basis!), we have taken a break. We'll try again in a few months, and take it as it comes.

Perhaps you could try a different approach to your "school" work with your son. Relax a bit, tone it down a ton, and focus on the things that your son loves to do and things that bring a sense of curiosity and wonder.

I think that an important part of guiding our children through this world is following their cues - I don't know your son, but from your post it sounds like he's trying to let you know that he's not ready for what you're doing!

[Ruthiegirl]

I have a six year old boy too and we are in a bit of a 'formal schooling' slump. He has had a very hard time sitting still for anything. BUT! HE is crazy for Legos, the Science Center, soccer practice, karate...he will read in the car, he will listen to stories, he will 'play' math games with me while we add with kidney beans or play 'halves and quarters' with our food.

We dug a new garden bed and he helped me count out 12 dozen garlic cloves and plant them in rows of 6, 12, 18, and 24. The garlic bed is going to look a little wacky, but my son has started learning multiplication tables without even knowing it, so it will be worth it.

Six year olds are just at a tough age, a wiggly-can't-sit-still age. There may be other ways to 'do school'. Books on CD are wonderful. My kids know multiple myths and legends from listening to stories.

This is a great resource for books on cd:

http://www.greathall.com/

And I thik my kids would stage a coup if I asked them to sit for an hour log reading lesson. We do all of our best work in 15-20 minute lessons. A quick, focused lesson can be hugely effective. We have had much better success with keeping things short and sweet.

Good luck!

[Materfamilias]

Wow. I know you said he's dyslexic but a whole hour reading seems too much to me. My son, who's now 7, was pretty resistant to any kind of sit down work after he came out of kindergarten, which he hated. So we try to break things up and not spend too long on any one thing. Seems to work. He's able to do more sustained amounts of concentrated work now without complaint. Well, without too much complaint...

[magentamomma]

I have the same problem with my twin 10 year old and my 7 yr old. the twins were diagnosed dyslexic as well. We have the problem with resistance no matter what we do. when we unschooled they were not self directed in any way, when we do unit studies or curriculum it is whine and moan. I am honestly frustrated with the advice of back off let them be, because it didn't work. I put them in school last year, and they learned alot and focused and did exactly what their teachers asked. We aren't in the same district anymore so school isn't an option this year. some kids are just very strong willed and resistant and unmotivated. What do we do then?