Do you have to socialize a 5 month old?

[Tee25]

In a public nursery that is. Just got back from the in-laws house and my MIL says that it's a good thing to leave your baby in the nursery when you go to church so they can get used to others and become socialized. Now with my DD, we have TONS of family around us that we visit all the time...little cousins, and I take her to the stores I visit. She doesn't mind being held by anyone else except when she is tired.

I am wondering if anyone else believes this? I am a first time mom so I really don't know. My reasoning so far on not doing this is because I don't want her to freak out and think I've abandoned her with a stranger. What are your thoughts on this?

[shaywyn]

No, I don't believe this At All. Trust your instincts, mama.

[e(Lisa)beth]

I sure as heck hope not! My DD has met exactly one other baby in her whole four-and-a-half month life! Not by design - we just don't know that many. As for the church nursery, I'm not ready for that yet.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Of course not. The place for a baby that age is with its mama and/or dad. Neither of my kids where in any other persons care but mine until they where in school at 5.

[lifeguard]

Nope!

[Tee25]

LOL thanks everyone You make me feel much better. Of course I should've known better because my MIL also wanted to feed DD pumpkin pie tonight

[Sk8ermaiden]

Socialize a baby? I have never heard such a thing! Even when we go to playgroup, my baby is interested in 1) Me 2) Her toes 3) Her toys and 4) Whatever she shouldn't be playing with/putting in her mouth particularly my Diet Coke. She doesn't even notice the other kids (except to glare at them for making a loud noise) and certainly doesn't "socialize".

[dislocator3972]

My 3 mo LOVES to talk at other babies and really enjoys spending time with them, but she does all of it with me and the other baby's mom.

I did try leaving her in the nursery during a weekday bible study (only a few kids, still plenty of adults, near the classroom so I could hear her) and she was there for about 5 minutes before she got sad and they brought her right back to me. I'd like for her to feel ok with being there once in a while, (as I'm sure you would eventually) but there really is no rush with such young babies.

Babies socialize a LOT more than we give them credit for, but they do most of their learning by watching our behavior. Their social skills are coming from us, so we kinda need to be there.

It's weird though to hear that kind of thing from your MIL. Whenever I hear advice like that from someone with experience it makes me rethink what I thought I knew. I think it's common, but for us 'first timers' it makes you question yourself. I'm so glad to have MDC to run a quick poll to check and see if I'm crazy!

[Cherry Alive]

My 8 month DD is super social and loves visiting other people. That said, she has never been left away from me or my DH, and I like to think this is part of why she is as secure as she is. Many people who meet her are amazed at what a laid back and happy go-lucky little girl she is.

[GoBecGo]

No, babies don't need to be socialised with other babies in a nursery. With other people, yes, but unless you leave them in a cot in a room alone all day thn they are being socialised - adults are people too, even mummy is a person!

I wore DD in a wrap or meitai for most of her first 18months and a good bit of the year after. This meant she was nearly at face level of most people we met and could watch social interactions (and join in herself when she got old enough to want to try). SHe is, at 3.5, an incredibly socially astute child, great at holding a conversation and very friendly and confident talking to adults and kids alike. I cannot possibly see how she could have learned as much from her peers at 5 months as she was learning from watching me. I actually think the push to put children with their peers to "be socialised" is nonsensical and even a bit sinister (when it mkes mama's question if they are "enough" for their infants development).

[jammomma]

My MIL said the same thing. Ridiculous! 5 months olds need to socialize their mama and their daddies not strangers and other babies. Trust your instincts.

[sunshynbaby]

I don't think so! DS seemed to enjoy watching a 2 and 4 year old during Thanksgiving, so we might take him to babytime at the library or something so he can be around other babes, but I hardly think that is necessary. He is just becoming aware of his feet, so I doubt other babies are at the top of his interest list right now, lol. I'm pretty sure pre-school age is a better time to have playdates (or go to preschool) so they can learn how to share, etc.

[ProtoLawyer]

Doesn't a baby that small learn social skills by watching their parents (and others) interact with other people?

I don't think it's *harmful* for a baby to be in the care of others (if mine sticks, s/he will be in daycare early), but it's not necessary for their development either. As a PP said, yes, they should have exposure to other people, but it doesn't have to be without you at that age.

[boysmom2]

Originally Posted by Tee25

LOL thanks everyone You make me feel much better. Of course I should've known better because my MIL also wanted to feed DD pumpkin pie tonight

Oh for heaven's sake! It sounds like you're going to have to keep your eye on dear old MIL! I know it's hard when you're a first time mom not to 2nd guess youself, especially when someone who seems like they should know tells you something like this. But, trust yourself. My DCs only ever saw other babies at LLL, family gatherings and an occasional playgroup, so not very often and never without me. They're quite normal social little beings. My 8yo happily goes to play at friend's houses with out me all the time now.

Originally Posted by GoBecGo

No, babies don't need to be socialised with other babies in a nursery. With other people, yes, but unless you leave them in a cot in a room alone all day thn they are being socialised - adults are people too, even mummy is a person!

I am?!

[_betsy_]

My SIL once said something similar when I was a new first-time mom. I rarely listen to anything she says, and it's amazing how my parenting is generally the exact opposite of her advice but still tends to bring about the results she is suggesting are necessary.

I've never left my girls with anyone other than relatives, and only people they know well and are comfortable with and I trust. My older DD1, now 3 yo, will talk to anyone and can make friends pretty easily, even with adults. DD2 is only 10 mo and is generally a very social baby just by nature.

Kids will get plenty of opportunities to make friends and learn how to interact with people other than Mommy. It doesn't need to happen at 5 months old.

As with all things parenting, feel free to smile and nod and change the subject. Take what works for you and ignore the rest. Trust your gut.

[Tee25]

Originally Posted by dislocator3972

It's weird though to hear that kind of thing from your MIL. Whenever I hear advice like that from someone with experience it makes me rethink what I thought I knew. I think it's common, but for us 'first timers' it makes you question yourself. I'm so glad to have MDC to run a quick poll to check and see if I'm crazy!

I agree. I really love this forum and I am learning to weed out my family's bad advice from the good and sometimes ya just gotta post a question once in awhile for a reality check...and to remind yourself that you aren't crazy like you said. And I am slowly learning more about AP...and it's amazing to me how popular it is here at MDC but how uncommon it is with the people around me. My family does CIO...none of them bf, and did cereal with their LO's like at 4 months because "the baby was big and that means he's hungry". So needless to say they think I'm crazy at this point. Wish I knew more people IRL like there are here.

Thanks for the socializing answers. Now that I read everyones posts it seems like common sense lol.

[RiverSky]

Absolutely not! Unless the 5 month old is a puppy, then it's often a good idea.

Tell your MIL that things are different now.

[boysmom2]

Originally Posted by Tee25

I agree. I really love this forum and I am learning to weed out my family's bad advice from the good and sometimes ya just gotta post a question once in awhile for a reality check...and to remind yourself that you aren't crazy like you said. And I am slowly learning more about AP...and it's amazing to me how popular it is here at MDC but how uncommon it is with the people around me. My family does CIO...none of them bf, and did cereal with their LO's like at 4 months because "the baby was big and that means he's hungry". So needless to say they think I'm crazy at this point. Wish I knew more people IRL like there are here.

Thanks for the socializing answers. Now that I read everyones posts it seems like common sense lol.

You might want to see if there's an LLL group nearby. Lots of APers there!

[ktmama]

After three kids I've heard it all! It seems to me that extroverted people really think babies/kids/pets need socializing and introverts don't! Neither of my older kids have been with anyone but family a FEW trusted adults and both did fine once school started. IMO, being with other kids is VERY overrated - particularly in those troubling toddler times of hitting/pinching/kicking. Trust yourself - your LO needs you the most. You are your baby's best role model!

[Abraisme]

I wouldn't leave my 5mo in a nursery. I really wouldn't leave a baby until at least 10-12mo. It all depends on the baby. I would never leave a baby if I thought it was going to cause distress.