MIL and soda

[kriket]

My MIL gave my 7 month old caffeinated soda. Now he's barfed all over the place. Like BARFED. There is a foot long plume of puke on the bed.

I feel like I've failed as a mother letting her do that. I kept eyeing my husband. Those are the rules, I take care of my family, you take care of yours. He eventually did say something. Next time I'm smacking the cup out of her hand.

I feel really horrible. My poor EBFed baby is up with a VERY grouchy tummy. I just know it's that orange soda sitting on his belly.

So PSA, smack that cup. Hurt MILs feelings, make her all cranky. She can handle it, she's an adult. Don't sacrifice your precious baby's belly over a tid bit of peace at a family function.

I feel like crap.

[mntnmom]

Of course you're angry. You were but in a situation were your only choices were a sick baby, or being the bad guy. It will happen a lot. There's a reason mom's get that stereotype.
It's a learning experience for you, and hopefully DH. It could have been much worse. Babe will be fine. Word to the wise, try to be polite. But don't let good manners get in the way of what you know is right. i hope you both feel better soon.

[sunshynbaby]

You didn't fail as a mother! Like PP said it was a learning experience. In theory, I would grab the drink or baby away from my MIL... in practice I fear I wouldn't be that assertive. She did raise DH and he turned out okay. On a recent trip we stayed at my in-laws and let my FIL rub some baby lotion on LO after his bath. I was worried that it would make my LO break out in a rash since he's never had anything but pure olive oil rubbed on him, but I just couldn't stop him for some reason. I'm lucky my LO didn't turn out to have allergies I hoped DH would put a stop to it because it is his father... now I know I have to be the bad guy in these situations

[lotus.blossom]

Holy Cow! I would have been p!ssed about that!!!

But don't beat yourself up. I'm sure it will be alright. My poor babe is on oral abx right now and come to think of it, its orange, and flavored, and sugary. It KILLS me to give it to him since he's only had breasmilk and a few solids.

[The4OfUs]

I'm usually pretty laid back on grandparent-type stuff and not really fussy about the 'natural' aspect of MDC, but this would send even me over the edge. 7 months old, good grief. My laid backness gets more as the kiddo gets older, especially beyond preschool aged. But an infant, that's just wrong.

I remember when my ILs gave my niece soda, she was probably 18 months old or something (this was before DH and I had kids), and she got all red faced and sputtered and they thought it was so funny that the fizz made her do that. I thought it was awful. When we got home I was going to say something to DH, but before I could, he said, "No WAY they will do that with our kids." And they didn't - they tried when DS was a toddler to give him soda and DH said really firmly something like, "HEY. Not yet, he's too young." - they looked surprised, but didn't make a fuss. We're really fortunate that both our parents don't try to undermine us once we've given a parenting preference.

I'm trying to think - I think DS had his first sip of soda when he was around 3. He has it maybe twice a month with pizza now, and he'll be 6 in January - pointing that out because I'm not totally against crappy stuff - I'm just way against it for babies. Sorry you had to deal with that. I wouldn't be upset with yourself though, it's hard sometimes to know what to do, and soemtimes you just freeze. I'm sure he'll be OK soon.

I'd for sure have your DH talk to them about some boundaries like, "don't put anything in our kids' mouth without our express OK beforehand."

[tracymom1]

OMG! Mama, you are so right to be angry. I would have flipped out. You are the mommy and it is your job to see that your baby gets only the best. Soda certainly is not a part of that!! Can you ask MIL (nicely of course) what makes her think that soda is a good thing to give a 7 month old? It seems like such a strange thing to do... even for someone with not-so-ideal eating habits.

[texaspeach]

I wouldn't even worry about being "nice" about it. wth was she thinking? I would have flipped my lid

[LiLStar]

I went totally nuts at fil when he let 16 month dd take a sip of DIET soda (i am STRONGLY against artificial sweeteners in any amounts and they KNOW this) I made a scene. I feel a teeny bit guilty about my reaction

[kriket]

Originally Posted by The4OfUs

I'm usually pretty laid back on grandparent-type stuff and not really fussy about the 'natural' aspect of MDC, but this would send even me over the edge. 7 months old, good grief. My laid backness gets more as the kiddo gets older, especially beyond preschool aged. But an infant, that's just wrong.

This is where I stand. Grandparents are made for spoiling. That's why I didn't freak on her at the time. Just highly annoyed.

And a little update, It looks like he has a bug. He's got a bit of a fever and he just wants to sleep on us all day. I guess it wasn't the soda after all. It still isn't a good idea. I think a flu or something was going around. I had it, and he didn't get it (I credit the BM) but then DH had what must be a slightly different one that I didn't get, and it looks like DS has it now too. He's my first and this is the first time he's ever been sick. We're pretty much wrecks. This is the first time all day I've laid him in bed. I had to eat and pee and do diapers. I'll probably go lay with him here in a second. I'm a first-time-mom mess.

thanks for the kind words! I'm going to go lay with sprout and cuddle.

[JD5351]

Originally Posted by kriket

This is where I stand. Grandparents are made for spoiling. That's why I didn't freak on her at the time. Just highly annoyed.

And a little update, It looks like he has a bug. He's got a bit of a fever and he just wants to sleep on us all day. I guess it wasn't the soda after all. It still isn't a good idea. I think a flu or something was going around. I had it, and he didn't get it (I credit the BM) but then DH had what must be a slightly different one that I didn't get, and it looks like DS has it now too. He's my first and this is the first time he's ever been sick. We're pretty much wrecks. This is the first time all day I've laid him in bed. I had to eat and pee and do diapers. I'll probably go lay with him here in a second. I'm a first-time-mom mess.

thanks for the kind words! I'm going to go lay with sprout and cuddle.

Hey Kriket! I'm in Ohio too, and there is a nasty tummy bug going around. My little guy is just getting over it, and a friend of mine's baby had it too. Awful vomiting and diarrhea since last Saturday. Since yesterday he's been pretty good, and his appetite is back. (Could barely get anything in him for a few days.)

I hope your little guy feels better soon!

[Amandala]

Giving a baby soda is not spoiling, it's borderline abuse.

Unrelated:
I knew a kid who'd projectile vomit every time he had anything carbonated, ever, until around age 5.

[honeyhaze]

Eh, if I let my in-laws feed anything to my son it would be all processed frozen foods, corn syrup drinks, and candy... because that's what they eat.

I don't usually let my MIL even hold my son, unless she's sitting on a couch and my husband is beside her. She's frail, has a degenerative disease, she falls down all the time, and she drops light items (like her cane) frequently. She's always asking us to baby sit, which I think may indicate early senility sinking in.

Sometimes you have to be pragmatic about these things, food included. Just say no

[Drummer's Wife]

oh, that's awful! I don't care how uneducated you are about nutrition - it should just be common sense not to give an infant soda. (but I know people do just this, I used to have a 5 month old come to daycare with a baby bottle filled with coke. )

[pagodafish]

Setting boundaries early

I agree with PP about making it clear that they cannot put anything in babes mouth without your consent. It might feel awkward (I have just had to have this "talk" after an Auntie in-Law gave my 6mo a large swab of whipped cream- def. awkward) but once you have made your point clear, it's a lot easier for everyone. And a few moments of discomfort on your part may make it a lot easier on you in the long run- and safer for your babe.

Being assertive without being offensive/defensive takes a lot of practice. I struggle with this also. I'll be on high alert going in to the holiday season with a family full of folks that think he ought to be eating cheeseburgers by now- Good luck, and I hope they keep their snacks to themselves from now on!

[GreenGranolaMama]

I would have been very upset as well- My DS is 7mo and I can't even imagine giving him soda! Besides the obvious reasons as to why it is bad, I think the bubbles/texture would completely and totally freak him out!

[kriket]

Originally Posted by Amandala

Giving a baby soda is not spoiling, it's borderline abuse.

: seriously? There are children who are actually being abused in this world and you want me to feel crappier then I already do over some soda?

[dex_millie]

That is crazy. Giving a baby soda at seven months!!! WTH.....Like some said lessons learned. I usually hear to let 'him' deal with his family and 'I' deal with mine. Well...it is not always black and white.

[Llyra]

Originally Posted by kriket

: seriously? There are children who are actually being abused in this world and you want me to feel crappier then I already do over some soda?

Yeah. Certainly giving a baby soda is a bad, bad idea, but to call it abuse I think is taking it too far. I think that calling stuff like that "abuse" really tends to minimize the real, actual, long-term-damaging kinds of physical, psychological, and sexual abuse that real kids are experiencing right now.

But I do agree with the sentiment, which I think was that giving a baby that age soda goes beyond the usual sort of "spoiling" that grandparents expect to do. I myself am extremely laid-back about grandparents and food. My mom feeds my kids all kinds of crap I would never allow in my house and I don't worry too much about it-- the occasional crap is only a little blip on the radar compared to the good whole foods they eat at home. So I don't bat an eyelash when my kids come home talking about Doritos, frozen mac-and-cheese, and root beer. It's not going to do them any harm long-term, and their relationship with their grandmother is important. My mom and I see eye-to-eye on most parenting issues. She has a blind spot about food, but to me it's not worth causing friction in a very good relationship.

But BABIES? At SEVEN MONTHS? I think even the mainstream, standard-American-diet types of mamas would be a little horrified at soda for a seven-month-old.

OP, I sure hope baby feels better soon!

[Kelly1101]

I. would. be. FURIOUS. if someone gave my 7-month-old soda.

I was over at MIL's about a month ago, and someone (not MIL, one of her friends) sat down right in front of me and stuck a salty Cheez-It cracker right in my baby's mouth! If someone else had been telling me about it happening to them, I would have said "Oh, I would have freaked out on her!" but at the time I was too stunned and for some reason found it hard to cause a scene in someone else's house. So I just took away the cracker, cleared out the bits that got on the baby's mouth, and threw it away, without saying anything. But obviously the woman saw me doing it, so I reckon she got the hint.

But I don't blame you, kriket, cause especially when you're raised to be polite, sometimes something surprises you so much that you're at a loss for a polite way to refuse it. But yeah, I think after my experience (and I bet you too, after yours), I think I'm going to be Up with the hand, Shield the baby's mouth, Smile and Say No Thanks.

But yeah, giving a baby soda is not "abuse,"-- that kind of downplays REAL abuse. It's unhealthy and EXTREMELY rude to do to someone else's baby, though. Then again I don't think anyone should give food to another person's young child, ever, without clearing it with a parent.

[MangoMommy]

Originally Posted by Llyra

Yeah. Certainly giving a baby soda is a bad, bad idea, but to call it abuse I think is taking it too far. I think that calling stuff like that "abuse" really tends to minimize the real, actual, long-term-damaging kinds of physical, psychological, and sexual abuse that real kids are experiencing right now.

But I do agree with the sentiment, which I think was that giving a baby that age soda goes beyond the usual sort of "spoiling" that grandparents expect to do. I myself am extremely laid-back about grandparents and food. My mom feeds my kids all kinds of crap I would never allow in my house and I don't worry too much about it-- the occasional crap is only a little blip on the radar compared to the good whole foods they eat at home. So I don't bat an eyelash when my kids come home talking about Doritos, frozen mac-and-cheese, and root beer. It's not going to do them any harm long-term, and their relationship with their grandmother is important. My mom and I see eye-to-eye on most parenting issues. She has a blind spot about food, but to me it's not worth causing friction in a very good relationship.

But BABIES? At SEVEN MONTHS? I think even the mainstream, standard-American-diet types of mamas would be a little horrified at soda for a seven-month-old.

OP, I sure hope baby feels better soon!

I agree.

My little story is when DD#1 (now 9) was about 6 mo old, she met her great-grandmother for the first time. We all went to a famous ice cream parlor in Cincinnati (Graeters) for ice cream since I hadn't had it in years, and while great-gma was holding my baby, she gave her a big lick of her ice cream cone. My DD enjoyed it, LOL, my eyes about popped out of my head, but luckily the thought entered my brain to just shut-up about it and watch. G-Gma gave her a few licks, had a great laugh about it, and took the ice cream away from my baby. I took a few pictures of my baby's face covered in ice cream. G-Gma talked about that time she gave my baby (first great grandchild) ice cream until she passed away a few years later. It was such pleasure for her, and honestly, I'm glad my mouth didn't steal that moment from her. DD only saw that g-gra a few times in her whole life (we lived far from her) and those moments really meant something to my grandmother.

Basically what I'm trying to say is you need to figure out a balance. I would have crapped if my MIL gave my baby soda, that's way out of bounds but you do need to I think handle the sitution carefully, like maybe remind her baby can't have it and please ask ahead of time or something to that effect.

**edited to add, that my MIL was there when my grandmother gave my baby the ice cream, and she did make a comment about how only "great" grandmothers could get away with that. I told her yes LOL.