Some sleep/nap questions:

[StrongFeather]

Are you sick of the sleep thing yet? Sorry, if you are, but while I wait for my books to come, I figured I would see what the norms were around here.

How many naps does your LO take?

Length of naps?

Where does LO nap?

Do you have a routine to get LO to sleep? If so what is it?

What time are you putting LO down "for the night"?

If you cosleep, where are you putting LO down for the night? (ie: big bed, crib, swing...)

Also if you cosleep, if parents are not ready to go to sleep when LO does, how do you handle that? Who's job is it to get LO to sleep for the night? Mom, Dad? If it's Mom, do you leave the bed after LO is asleep?

DH and I are trying to figure out if we can get some better practices about sleep going. As of right now Sam naps 2 longer (1-3 hours) naps a day, and then a bunch of cat naps. The longer naps are in the swing in our main living space, but I am wondering if I should figure out a better idea (the big bed? the crib?..but that brings up all sorts of safety issues for me)

As to night time. Work nights DH goes to bed early. He has to wake at 5:15am to make the commute, so we all usually go to bed together. BUT as of late, on the weekend nights, DH has taken to staying up to 12, 1, 2am..and I think this is getting in the way of a good nights sleep for Sam (and I know me!!) I understand DH's point of view that he doesn't get to do much of anything on weeknights so he likes to stay up on the weekend. BUT (and we have much "discussion" about this. I feel a tad resentful since i am shouldered with sleep/night-time duties every night. Read: I don't get a night off, EVER. BUT, I am the sahm, and we live off his inocome. So I almost feel like this is my "job". But I long to have adult and "me" time at night too.

I am a first time parent, but i can't help but feel like DH get's his "free time" even though it's after hours..and i never get a break. Is it just me being resentful? Or is thinking this is adding to Sam's sleep issue make sense? DH"s excuse is that he "can't feed him...give me a bottle"to go to sleep, the breastfeeding excuse always comes up!!! (i can't "just make a bottle" without my supply being hurt.)

I appreciate any and all advice, and answers to to questoins above. DH and I are trying to make something work for us, so we can get past this arguement we keep having over, and over, and over..

[darcytrue]

not sure what to tell you about your DH. Mine doesn't really like to feed the baby either. He also acts too busy a lot of the time to even hold her and I have issues there.

My DD has catnaps most of the day and sometimes one 1-2 hour nap, just depends. She co-sleeps and we all go to bed at the same time because DH has to go to bed early and gets up very early for work. So I guess I'm not much help, sorry. I can sympathize. I'm glad most days that I have my oldest child to help out by holding the baby for me to get breaks in.

[tzs]

ours sleeps like a champ at night and i worked really hard to get her out of my bed and into the crib...i just couldn;t sleep well with her in bed with me. i put her down at around 9ish but will let her go down earlier if she gets sleepy. then we go until 8:30ish with one or two wake-ups. i put her in a sleep bag and swaddle just her arms (she was kicking the legs off.) that said i'm already thinking of how to wean off the swaddle while incorporating another "routine" since i know i can;t rely on it forever and it really is a big sleep cue for us at this point.
i'm thinking of one of those "sleep sheep" white noise things. anyone else have???

i try to do the "every 2 hour" nap thing but i really have to work at it cause she fights sleep. she HATES naps and usually protests for a good 5-10 minutes each time...unless it's in the car. she would go all day without a nap if i didn't force the issue. apparently i was the same way as a kid.

but mainly....i TOTALLY feel you on the DH thing. mine gets annoyed, he takes a break and takes off. hello...but i can;t do that. mine gets annoyed and he goes upstairs to his office. i have also been feeling that it's not fair, that i never get a break, but have the same guilt, i'm staying at home, have the luxury of not working, so it's like i shouldn;t get a break. or at least that's the feeling i get around here. my DH was the typical "cool uncle" so i assumed he'd be a really involved dad. wrong again. i feel like he spends maybe 5 minutes a day with his own kid. ugh. thanks. been waiting to vent!

[kismetbaby]

nak so this will be short. we haven't gotten much of a routine yet and our LO still takes all his naps in arms (or in carrier). he wakes as soon as he is put down no matter what we do during the day and he needs his naps. . .not sure exactly how i will wean him of this. i'd love to have some "me time" during the day! at night i am so tired by 9pm i am happy to go to sleeo with him. and usually my dh does too.

but i know what you mean about feeling resentful of never having the night off. what we do sometimes if i nurse and LO is still awake but sleepy, dh takes him and cuddles him to sleep (bounces on the birth ball, or just cuddles in bed). i think it is good to have a routine of this about once a week ffrom the beginning so that babe can go to bed with dh if need be and it gives dad a nice bonding time. on the nights that this happens (i don't force it, just request it if my LO seems sleepy but not hungry) i go take a bath or just enjoy laying in bed without nursing or a baby laying on me! (he sleeps with us in bed, between me and a barrier. i don't feel comfortable having him in the middle of the bed.)

i feel lucky that my dh seems to enjoy doing this, but i do still have to ask. . .he seems to forget that i have no me time anymore.

[KayleeZoo]

How many naps does your LO take?
Many. Seriously, 5 a day? But they're short.

Length of naps?
Anywhere from 20 min to 2 hours

Where does LO nap?
We shoot for her crib every single time, but with the 3 other kids and driving to/from school, preschool, gym practice, field trips and grocery store, errands, etc. she winds up sleeping in the car seat more than I'd like. But if we're home, the crib, every single time. I learned the hard way what Dr. Weissbluth says in his book- by 4 months or so, baby needs to have motionless sleep, so in the swing, car seat, etc. are not desirable.

Do you have a routine to get LO to sleep? If so what is it?
When she has been up for between 1-2 hours and is showing signs of being drowsy, not fussy- that's important, I wrap her up in her swaddling blanket, put her in her crib and turn the mobile on and put the binky in her mouth. Depending on how well I've timed it, she will either fall asleep within 2 minutes of quiet sucking and watching her animals, or she may spit the binky out and cry and I keep putting it back in her mouth and gently rubbing her tummy or her head for no more than 10 seconds and let her try again until she falls asleep. At night, we do the swaddling blanket and binky, but she's in my room still because she's nursing 2-3 times a night and her crib is in my oldest's room, so easier to keep her in the pack n play at night- with her Nap Nanny chair in the pack n play. No mobile in my room, either. I want her to be able to fall asleep without it, learned the hard way w/DS that having a certain noise maker or visual thing that they HAVE to have is not good. They need to be able to sleep in different enviornments without too many "tools" eventually.

What time are you putting LO down "for the night"?
Between 7 and 8 every night.

If you cosleep, where are you putting LO down for the night? (ie: big bed, crib, swing...)
We don't cosleep, she's in the pack n play right next to my bed.

Also if you cosleep, if parents are not ready to go to sleep when LO does, how do you handle that? Who's job is it to get LO to sleep for the night? Mom, Dad? If it's Mom, do you leave the bed after LO is asleep?
DH has never put her down for the night, but he could. Also learned w/DS that having a baby who will not go to sleep w/out nursing isn't desirable at a certain point- so she will go down for anyone as long as they wrap her in her swaddling blanket and have the binky.

I get you on the resentment thing. My DH works weird hours and is often up all night long- watching movies and playing video games (although, to his credit, he also does whatever housework I tell him to do, and often looks around and does stuff that he sees needs doing. That's a big help) I sometimes wish my babies were formula fed, so I could give him bottles for night feedings and sleep while he's up anyway. But I know from experience that this horrible waking up at night/doing 184 naps a day is just temporary; soon we'll put Camry down to bed at night like the other kids, and she'll sleep all night long, and I'll have evenings free again (my kids go to bed at 7 (4yo DS) and 8 (9.5 and almost 7yo). But when you're a first-timer, it's easy to feel like this is going to be your life forever - hang in there, if you get him on a good schedule, you'll have a normal life again, and get normal sleep, and things will be better with you and your DH in that respect

[zenproof]

Hey girl! Great questions...here you have our answers:

How many naps does your LO take?
We wake up between 6-8am every morning and put him to bed between 7-9pm every night. He will nap almost after every feeding throughout the day. So, approx. 4 naps during the day?? On occasion he will skip a nap, but not often as it is usually disasterous!

Length of naps?
Anwhere between 30mins - 2hrs!

Where does LO nap?
Carseat, Stroller, Bouncy Seat (when I'm at home) - he needs to be constantly bounced with our foot on the bouncy seat while he sleeps. sometimes we can step away!

Do you have a routine to get LO to sleep? If so what is it?
After I feed him I follow his cues. if he is alert I play with him, talk to him etc until he starts to yawn...if he is sleepy straight off the boob, i bounce him to sleep. for the first nighttime sleep - i take him back into our darkened bedroom with a nightlight on - nurse him, swaddle him, put the soundmachine on (homedics spa machine 'waterfall' sound is GREAT!!!), and set him down on the Boppy - which is either in our bed during the week when my husband sleeps in our guest bed - or in the Boppy inside a cosleeper next to our bed during the weekends. if he fusses, I give him a pacifier. Sometimes he'll go down without a fight - sometimes after 30mins of putting the pacifier back into his mouth and trying to settle him I have to send in my husband for reinforcement! lol. we take shifts on really fussy nights. it usually never takes more than an hour to get him down though.

What time are you putting LO down "for the night"?

6pm-8pm. This is the range. because hes not on a feed schedule (I feed on demand, which ranges between 2-3hrs).

If you cosleep, where are you putting LO down for the night? (ie: big bed, crib, swing...)
See above.

Also if you cosleep, if parents are not ready to go to sleep when LO does, how do you handle that? Who's job is it to get LO to sleep for the night? Mom, Dad? If it's Mom, do you leave the bed after LO is asleep?

We are rarely ready for bed when we put Oban down. I am the one to get him to sleep because I nurse him beforehand so it makes sense that I do it. If I can't get him down within a half hour (usually the limit of my patience!) my husband takes over and gives it a go. Usually he gets him to sleep! I usually go to bed between 9-10pm because its to tempting not to get in on it when his first bedtime sleep is his longest stretch! Which is usually 4hours. On a good night 5hrs. It all usually depends on whether or not he has gas. My husband sleeps with us on the weekends and will usually come to bed around 11pm. He also will take Oban when he wakes up in the morning after I nurse him so that I can get some uninterrupted sleep (on weekends). This is great!

i used to get jealous over the imbalance in sleep - especially when we are bargaining for 'free time'. i always feel i have the short end of the stick - but hey, it sorta is part of the deal when you breastfeed. so because i have made peace with the fact that it cannot possibly ever be completely fair in the 'break' department - we try and do our best to give eachother what we need when we need it, and not keep score. if we did - he would never win strictly due to the fact that I simply am not ABLE to be away from the baby for any long stretches of time. it seems silly to deny him that ability - on principle. kwim?

doesn't change the fact that its hard to deal with sometimes. ie: husband just went out of town a few weekends ago with his coworkers on a fishing trip. nice. wish i could go away for a weekend. ack.

husband mountain bikes or kayaks one day a weekend - which is usually an all day event - as he drives out of town to do so. i couldn't do that even if i wanted to. there are just certain freedoms i gave up when i decided to do this, this way. i am at peace with that - FOR THE MOST PART ;-)

some days are harder than others and i constantly have to remind myself that while i can't have some of the freedoms my husband has - i am able to experience a bond with my child that only a mother could know.

with all this said - getting a night routine down has been great - and he is becoming more and more predictable. i am noticing lately that he struggles to POOP in the night when he is swaddles. this wakes him (argh!) and it usually takes unswaddling him and letting him lay back on my legs with his knees bent up for him to pass it. if he could just learn to shit laying down and swaddled - we'd be golden! lol haaaaaaaa.

also - to note - i quit swaddling him during day naps. he doesn't sleep as deeply - but i felt like it was the righ tthing to do.

[cristeen]

My little guy's sleep is totally whacked - some days he sleeps all day and other days he's up and screaming all day. So I can't help with that. He's refused the bassinet for weeks now, so he either sleeps on the big bed, or in his bouncy chair (which he just started) - or in his car seat, of course.

But as for getting him to sleep... we kind of trade off. If he's having one of his nights, and won't go down at feeding time, then I'll usually hand him off to daddy who has his special tricks to get him to sleep that don't involve food. I highly recommend encouraging your DH to discover some of these tricks himself, because they're a sanity saver for mama. When I can just hand off a fussy fed baby to daddy and walk away... go take a shower, cook something, but just be alone for 20 minutes.

[2boyzmama]

Gavin is definitely the most challenging so far of all my kids...

He takes lots of cat naps, and will do 2-3 long naps, but the kicker is...as soon as you lay him down he's awake within 5-20 minutes! If you wear him he'll stay asleep for 1-3 hours. He's slowly getting better, and we're making a point of putting him down several times a day to encourage napping alone. A few times he's stayed asleep on his own, so hopefully it's the start of a trend.

Bedtime is a problem...he won't go down for the night unless I'm with him. This is different than my older two, and very frustrating because as a working mom, I NEED a few hours in the evening to get things done!! Clean pack my lunch, pack my gym bag, look through backpacks, etc. He'll easily fall asleep, but if I get out of bed he wakes up. We're working on this, too, but it's a slow process. **He has gone to sleep with daddy twice when I was out...and he handled it fine, but daddy also couldn't get out of bed without Gavin waking.

Daddy can put him to sleep with a binky and/or the Bjorn, but has the same problems with getting him to lay down. But at least putting him to sleep isn't solely my responsibility.

Once recently I had to pee in the middle of the night and I managed to extricate myself from Gavin (he sleeps in the crook of my arm) and when I came back to bed he was still sleeping, so I climbed into bed on the other side of my husband and got to actually spoon my husband with no pregnant belly or baby between us!!

[JordanKX]

I don't have a problem putting Rowan down, but perhaps that's because I supplement bottles. For whatever reason, the boy won't take the boob during the day - is my letdown different when the sun is out??!?? enyhoo...

swaddle-bottle-passed out for naps and at night. Might be conflicting my earlier posts here because he doesn't really nap... but he goes down well. :-) He just wakes up 10 minutes later (during the day, that is). I have been taking everyone's advice to be more, well, forceful... in his napping, not just feeding off his cues. So if by 11am if he's not napped for the morning, we've been taking long walks, Outside, In the cold... until he falls asleep. When we're in the house in the moby or bjorn, he just stares at me and smiles. Man, that's a bad thing why?!?! Right, I know. It's bad because he doesn't sleep. Today was day 5 of napping!!! Yeehaw!!! (and just to note, something about forcing this morning nap has created a completely voluntary afternoon nap as well?! maybe because he has the chance to get Tired, without being on his 9th wind?)

I try to put him in the bassinet during the day. But I've been so excited that he's actually staying asleep, if it's the boppy... fine. I leave him.

At night, bath-swaddle-bottle-passed out again. Around 7-8. And I put him in the bassinet definitely so I can move him into "his" room. I go back in and unswaddle him about 20 min later, because he'll wake himself up from being too hot.
When I go to sleep, normally around 10-11, I roll the bassinet into our room where he stays until his first wake up and then he's in the bed with me. And I totally put his head on the pillow and share the blanket with him. Maybe I'm the worst co-sleeper in the world, but we've never had any blanket almost suffocating issues, and I love being face to face.

Dad's "duty" is the morning, 7ish when Rowan is slowly waking up but I need a shower, breakfast, to check my email, check in with school... an hour of Me time. They half-sleep together because DP's just gotten home from work (he works graveyard) and Ro's trying to wake up. And then I come pick him up... and playtime starts :-).

I feel you on time. Because I'm in grad school - online - I need 2hrs a day At Least. On days when he doesn't nap, by the time DP wakes up around 3pm, I'm bordering on freaking out that I'm not going to get my assignments in. Makes me totally resentful at DP just sleeping peacefully, completely uninterrupted all day long... and I start being really loud in the kitchen and finding excuses to open the garage door. I wish I were lying, but I'm not. I haven't completely found peace with my resentment.

We've assigned Friday night... I go out with girlfriends for their "happy after-work Friday" until 7-8pm, and then he goes out with friends later. I'm used to going to bed without him, so that works out great... and I get a lil socialization in. Didn't do that tonight... maybe why I'm writing a dang novel!

My main resentment now is cleaning. I'm OK with being tied to the baby -- or in my case, the pump. And supplementing bottles has helped some, although I do 95% of all the feeding anyway. But it is nice that I can be gone for more than 2hrs. But I'm not sure when I became the house-maid. That's not who I was a year ago, or three months ago. But it seems to be my new role. Still working on this.

[LilaQ]

Sleep has changed dramatically for us in the last week or so. i don't know if it's changes we've made to our routine or LO just maturing a little (almost 12 weeks) but he sleeps like a champ now--naps too!! The rule that says sleeps begets sleep is SO true. The more he sleeps during the day, the longer and better he sleeps at night. He will sleep an 8 hour stretch now!! It's really unbelievable--I kept having to check to see if he was breathing, LOL.

Here's our loose nighttime routine:
Bath at 5:30ish then nurse and short nap.
DH gets home from work at 6:30 so we squeeze in cooking/eating dinner (this part is still a challenge) nurse again around 7, swaddle, change diaper and then I pass LO off to husband around 7:30-8 and he takes over for the next couple of hours. He gives LO an EBM bottle to "tank up" for the night, holds him until he falls asleep, and then puts him down for the night in the bassinet. During this time I get ready for bed and then head to the couch in the other room to sleep for a few hours. Up at 12 to pump and then LO is up around 3 to eat again.

During the day he naps in the swing or my lap after "breakfast" (around 7 to 8) and then once again before lunch. I am a stickler for these naps now because they make or break the day. I will not go anywhere I don't have to before he gets those naps or it's a disaster. He will not sleep in the car. I start back to work on Monday and my DH and inlaws will have LO for 4 days of the week. I have stressed repeatedly that he HAS to get those morning naps. We'll see if they follow thru...

Oh, and then he takes at least 2 naps in the afternoon. The time lengths vary but are usually 45 mins or better. I try to make sure he's swaddled too. And if it's time for a nap but he's not going for it, I "make them happen" too by walking him around the neighborhood a few times in the Ergo. I still can't put him down to sleep while sleepy but still awake. This bothers me but I've been assured repeatedly he will outgrow this so I try not to fret.

Can't complain about too much resentment to DH. We have had moments but I tell him how I feel and he tries to accommodate. There are definitely times when he complains about being tired when I want to throw something at him but in the big picture he's really pretty great.

Keep in mind this all feels very tenuous. Just a couple of weeks ago the little man would not sleep at all! A growth spurt should appear at any time and i'm also going back to work in a couple of days, so the routine will probably be all shot to h***.

[diana_of_the_dunes]

The "division of labor". Gah. This has to be the biggest source of guilt and stress for me right now. Probably because I can't figure out if my feelings are valid or not, kwim? Example: DH generally goes out in the afternoon or evening maybe every other night. He goes to the gym and to the store if we need anything. There might also be another errand or two in there. I feel a little resentful because he gets to leave and I've had the baby all day without a break while he slept. But DH goes to bed later in the morning so I can get up and go for a run. He has come home from work in the middle of the night just to change a diaper and visit with me while I feed Ethan. And he will happily care for Ethan any time I need or want to leave the house. My problem is that I don't really have a reason to leave, unless it's to go to the store or some other non-relaxing activity, and I feel guilty if I leave for no reason. So my problem is me, not DH.

This will all change sort of dramatically when I go back to work in a few weeks. DH will care for Ethan while I'm gone from 1:30 til 10. When that happens, there's no way I can even pretend DH isn't pulling his share!!

[cristeen]

Originally Posted by diana_of_the_dunes

My problem is that I don't really have a reason to leave, unless it's to go to the store or some other non-relaxing activity, and I feel guilty if I leave for no reason. So my problem is me, not DH.

My main reason for leaving some days is my mental health. That's all the reason I need. There are days where I will go stark raving mad if I stay, and I don't mess with that. And I refuse to feel guilty about it. I highly recommend it.

[2boyzmama]

Originally Posted by cristeen

My main reason for leaving some days is my mental health. That's all the reason I need. There are days where I will go stark raving mad if I stay, and I don't mess with that. And I refuse to feel guilty about it. I highly recommend it.

YEP!!! I usually take at least one, if not all three, of my boys with me, but it's SO HELPFUL to get out of the house!!!! We might drive over to the petstore just to play with animals, or we'll take the dogs to the barkpark (I need help to do that, though, I can't handle three little boys and two huge dogs by myself!!!) or we'll go to the grocery store just to buy a loaf of bread.

It sounds like it's a lot of effort to take kids out of the house, but the rewards are bigger, for me at least. I often feel like I might strangle my children at home, but out in public I can't strangle them

In fact, Ian went through a *horrible* tantrum stage, and I mean horrible, to the point that I actually took him to a dr worrying that he wasn't normal (he even self-injured, was destructive, completely out of control). The only way I survived that stage was to leave the house as often as possible. I truely may have injured him if it was just he and I alone in our house. And in doing that, I learned actually that he is extremely extroverted and he actually behaved BETTER if given the opportunity to be exposed to lots of people and lots of different sensory inputs every day. If we stayed home all day, no doubt he'd be melting down before lunch and the day would be shot. If we went to the mall, even if he only sat in a stroller while we walked around, he was much calmer the rest of the day. He craves sensory input, and doesn't get enough of it at home.

I have gone out without the boys, I'll leave them home with hubby, but unless I have something specific to do, I don't know what to do except spend money and eat calories I don't need!

[diana_of_the_dunes]

I have gone out without the boys, I'll leave them home with hubby, but unless I have something specific to do, I don't know what to do except spend money and eat calories I don't need!

Exactly!!